Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2017 0:47:59 GMT -7
My husband and I have been married 12 years. I knew he had issues with sex addiction when we got married. He was in a assistant leader in a ministry for sex addicts. After we were married, he was not able to be intimate with me- fearing intimacy. We have had sexual anorexia ever since. He has acted out: porn, adult book stores, massage parlors. I have been devastated over and over. We floundered to and fro going to therapists who said they treated sex addiction. We found they did more harm than good. It was a dis-service to us because they had no clue how to handle either of us. His "accountability" partner did not hold him accountable for anything. "Just give it to God, repent and don't do it again. No need to tell anyone."
The topper was 4 years into our marriage when he tried to touch my beautiful 23 year old daughter (his step daughter) on her bottom while she was asleep on the couch. When she informed me of this, I confronted him right away. He agreed to move out. I contemplated divorce. He then started taking his healing seriously. He went to SA meetings 4 nights a week and began seeing a therapist who specialized in sex addiction. I decided not to file. We were separated x 3 years. I allowed him to move back home. Now, 4 years later, We attend a Christian Recovery 12 step program, a couples 12 step program. He just received his 4 year sobriety chip this week.
I still don't trust him as far a I can throw him. He does not know how to treat me. I feel that I am not respected for my thoughts. He is so extremely self focused, like he is totally addicted to himself. We dont sleep together. I can not share intimacy with him---how can I?.. when he was attracted to my daughter!!!!! It disgusts me. I am so angry.
However, through all this toxicity, God has been growing me up more than I ever could have. It is amazing what happens when God is all you have. That is where I am right now. I have no extended family (estranged from toxic family of origin and friends of origin too). Within the last 3 years, God has hooked me up with a church family who are for me and not against my healing---because they too are wounded and not afraid to express their issues, hurts and hang ups.
So, I am now learning how to set boundries. ---but in order to set proper boundries I need to understand how I feel ---and in order to know how I feel, I have to respect myself. God is showing me just how to do that. Self respect. This is really foreign to me--due to my family of origin--child of alcoholic parents.
Any comments? Can anyone relate???
The topper was 4 years into our marriage when he tried to touch my beautiful 23 year old daughter (his step daughter) on her bottom while she was asleep on the couch. When she informed me of this, I confronted him right away. He agreed to move out. I contemplated divorce. He then started taking his healing seriously. He went to SA meetings 4 nights a week and began seeing a therapist who specialized in sex addiction. I decided not to file. We were separated x 3 years. I allowed him to move back home. Now, 4 years later, We attend a Christian Recovery 12 step program, a couples 12 step program. He just received his 4 year sobriety chip this week.
I still don't trust him as far a I can throw him. He does not know how to treat me. I feel that I am not respected for my thoughts. He is so extremely self focused, like he is totally addicted to himself. We dont sleep together. I can not share intimacy with him---how can I?.. when he was attracted to my daughter!!!!! It disgusts me. I am so angry.
However, through all this toxicity, God has been growing me up more than I ever could have. It is amazing what happens when God is all you have. That is where I am right now. I have no extended family (estranged from toxic family of origin and friends of origin too). Within the last 3 years, God has hooked me up with a church family who are for me and not against my healing---because they too are wounded and not afraid to express their issues, hurts and hang ups.
So, I am now learning how to set boundries. ---but in order to set proper boundries I need to understand how I feel ---and in order to know how I feel, I have to respect myself. God is showing me just how to do that. Self respect. This is really foreign to me--due to my family of origin--child of alcoholic parents.
Any comments? Can anyone relate???