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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2017 21:31:10 GMT -7
Welcome to Blazing Grace, Autm. I pray for healing in your marriage. It sounds like your husband wants this as much as you do. That is a good start.
Grace
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2017 15:10:57 GMT -7
Thank you. It is a good start but you know I'm always suspicious and the trust is gone. How does a woman regain the trust she once had? I know a person has to earn it back but I can't even define in my own mind how he might do that. I do know I don't think I could handle it if he became some weak spineless creature that did my bidding. That's not who I married so many years ago. Although on a humorous note I have thought of a scene in the Walking Dead where Michonne has a walker on a rope and he has no arms or jaw! That might keep him in the straight and narrow.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2017 16:55:01 GMT -7
He has to prove to you he has changed by his actions and deeds. When he starts doing that you will notice your attitude toward him will soften and the trust will come back although it won't be the same blind trust but there will be trust.
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Post by ladystrong on Jan 30, 2017 21:26:01 GMT -7
Autm, I am glad he decided to use Covenant Eyes. It's what my husband has been using too and really puts the pressure on him to not go to any site that seems fishy or weird. His accountability partner is our pastor so there's no hiding ANYTHING. In terms of earning back your trust, here are three things I got from the book "Every Heart Restored": In order to be trustworthy he must have 1) Complete openness and honesty 2) Be patient with you as you heal 3) Show trustworthy acts. I, too, am still suspicious of my husband because he kept the truth from me for two years (he committed adultery with a woman we both knew who turned out to be mentally ill). He has been doing a good job though over the last 44 days and I have seen a change in his countenance, but my heart does not want to be trampled again. He understands that and is VERY SORRY but I still feel like junk. I pray that your husband did not go that far but it's really important for him to confess it all, whether it's P or A.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2017 15:45:53 GMT -7
Having a report every day from Covenant Eyes has been such a relief. We can talk honestly and openly about his addiction. I ordered two workbooks this last week for couples. Should be here in a day or two. My husband has only completed one of the three boundaries I set for him. One is because of a time constraint and the other is monetary. I have not let him sleep in my bed more than a couple times in the last two months when this all came to a head, which is not to say we haven't had sex. He is not able to be satisfied. From what I've read this is normal after years of addiction. He had become so used to masterbating to P that normal sex with me just isn't doing it for him. Hopefully that will change. Down deep I feel that's his punishment for straying to P. This is a very long uphill battle. Hope I'm up to this challenge.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2017 18:07:19 GMT -7
It isn't you that needs to be up for the challenge but the God you serve. And God will only work in your husband's heart if your husband allows it. Your biggest challenge is going to be staying close to God and praying. The rest is up to your husband and our Lord. I would like to suggest Mike's new book " The Wife's Heart" for wives. In this journey you need to take on your own healing so that you can support your husband in his journey to heal himself and your relationship. www.blazinggrace.org/store/ |
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