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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 8:35:41 GMT -7
For the past couple of months, my marriage has been pretty strained (Note, I only got married a little over three months ago to an internet and porn addicted man - those are the addictions I know about, anyway). My husband and I fight almost nonstop. We'll make up just long enough to plan dates that never happen because we get angry with each other and cancel our plans. This past weekend was particularly bad.
We had planned to go see a movie on Friday night, but I opted to stay home because I was angry he immediately spent about 20 minutes on the couch with his phone when he got home (without even saying hi first), then yelled at me in the car before we left the driveway.
On Saturday, he woke up at 5:30 and immediately grabbed his phone then went downstairs with it for about 3 hours (again, without even saying good morning). Obviously, I was irritated at that, so I was irritable the rest of the day.
On Sunday, we tried to get along, but that didn't last. We went to the gym and got in another argument. Since then, I feel like I'm seeking forgiveness from him that isn't coming. He keeps telling me how argumentative I've been all weekend, which I hate because it's so condemning. Since then, he doesn't even remember some interactions we'very had. There is no reason he shouldn't be able to remember any of that.
Is he using drugs I don't know about or playing mind games with me?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 12:12:26 GMT -7
This addiction is a drug. The high we get from indulging in the sin of porn acts just like the high you get from drugs. It isn't beyond the realm of possibility that your husband may have other addictions besides porn. Many addicts use several different addictions to cope with the shame and humiliation they feel. Although I am not seeing drug addiction in your post. What I am seeing is porn addiction and lots of stress and drama causing your husband to "zone" out which is another coping mechanism that is fairly common. I blocked out huge chunks of my life using this mechanism.
Are you getting help in the form of counseling? You both need individual counseling and then down the road couples counseling.
Edit: I want to clarify that the stress and drama is normal in relationships especially when dealing with porn addiction. We tend to react and clash negatively with each other when we are hurting and angry. Counseling will help you both with learning to counteract those negative encounters and help you heal from the hurt and anger.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 15:40:15 GMT -7
Thank you for your reply. I am in counseling. My husband is resistant tof it so far, although I agree that we both need it.
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Post by ladystrong on Jan 18, 2017 17:27:48 GMT -7
Sounds like couples counseling would be really helpful, just to learn how to have healthy communications. But, the problem I see here is that he's not ready to admit that he needs help. All I can say is pray for him, ask others to pray for you and him and draw close to God. Find your rest in the Lord. *HUGS*
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 18:10:29 GMT -7
Hi, Kelly. My husband's behavior is so out there in left field that I have often wondered about drug use but know that he could not possibly be using drugs as he is frequently random drug tested for his job.
He will start a fight and then when it escalates he will step back with this puzzled look on his face like I am a crazy person that is behaving like a lunatic. Often, he will make very hurtful comments and then when called on them, deny that the words ever or would ever come from his mouth.
As far as mind games, I hope to repeat this correctly, my therapist tells me that he intentionally messes with my head. It is a protective mechanism that he uses to throw me off. If he messes with me often enough and has me questioning myself about the little things, I will also question myself about the big things. Example: I can stand and watch my husband eat 6 chocolate chip cookies and an hour later boast that he has done so good on his diet. When I say that he just ate cookies, he will swear that he didn't. Yes, I will question myself and wonder if I really saw that or if I made it up. When I know that I hear him say something and he swears he didn't, I often walk away thinking I need to check myself into the psych ward. Does that make any sense?
There have been times where I have been seriously concerned about my husband and the things that he cannot remember. I can ask him to stop by the store at 5:00 and he will walk in the door at 5:20 and have no recollection of that conversation. Therapist says that his mind is always fixated on his next fix so when I am talking to him he hears "aishdioaudoqwuidqhnaskdhaisuda".
My husband is not in counseling because he does not have a problem. He quit all on his own ... Bless his heart!
Prayers
Grace
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KevinesKay
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Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 18, 2017 19:17:22 GMT -7
Amy got it right. Why shoot myself up with any other drug when I can get high off of P? For me, spending time and resources on some other drug would make no sense. Nothing gives me the high that P does. Nothing! And it doesn't cost me any money! I was going to say it's free, but it's really not. There truly is a price to pay when I indulge in it. For me, I told lots of lies and played dumb to avoid being detected, to deflect the attention from me, no avoid responsibility. It's not that complicated. I behaved like a selfish, irresponsible, child.
I hope your H changes his heart. Right now, he's determine to keep his life of PA. And until he has an intrinsic reason to stop, he's not going to change.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2017 6:25:56 GMT -7
Thank you all. I didn't know that addicts "zone out". I certainly did know about the gaslighting, which is difficult to deal with to say the least. Please keep me in prayer.
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