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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2007 13:11:27 GMT -7
Hereiam,
To address your question regarding isolation, my therapists says that as a "reactor based male" (psychological term for sensitve, caring men) I need to have safe, healthy relationships with other guys who like me and who respect me. But it's difficult to have those kind of relationships. So we find ourselves isolated. We just have superficial aquaintances that talk about sports, weather and work. Because we feel isolated and disconnected with men, we begin fantasizing or even acting out sexually. Isolation makes us desperate for connection and we will do just about anything, even perverse things to get attention from other guys. It was a big revelation to me and I am convinced that that is my issue. I've never acted out, but the older I get and the longer I live without these healthy intimate friendships with men, the more tempted and vulnerable I become. So, i'm busy cultivating healthy relationships now.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2007 13:29:40 GMT -7
So, i'm busy cultivating healthy relationships now. Mickster, I agree with every word you said. I've recognized the need for healthy relationships. But after struggling with SSA for so long, I realize I just don't know how to create relationships like that. How have you cultivated those relationships? Hereiam, I read you post because mickster referenced it. I don't think you're far off. We do plenty of damage to ourselves with self-condemnation and self-hatred. Christ died for us because we are sinful beings or as you say it "human". |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2007 4:48:19 GMT -7
Alvader7,
I am also in a similar situation dealing with SSA and pornography issues. To describe this process as painful is an enormous understatement. How I see this situation is a threefold hurt process. First I have hurt my Holy God as I have ventured into this lifestyle and each time I think or act upon it, I hurt Him more. Secondly I have hurt my wife tremendously. The initial finding out was painful to her but then to find that it was going on again sent her to depths that I sometimes cannot even bear. Finally I have hurt myself, my esteem and my drive for life.
Do you ever think, “Why God would you allow this to happen to me?†I’m still struggling with that one and in no way am I blaming God for my failures. A realization however; this world is evil. Evil is going to rear its ugly head and if I am weak, then it will make a visit to me. So I must find a way to be stronger. I realize that some of what I am dealing with is because of issues of my past and I am researching those things to make amends. But the fact is that I must be stronger than my temptations or I will not survive.
Our pastor recently preached from James 4 but he did not go beyond verse 6. So as he preached, I read on and it hit me like a wall of brinks. I must in all things and in every way humble myself before the Lord. That means my life, strength, family, will, all aspects of who I am. Then when I do this, God will lift me up to a place of honor. That passage was so encouraging to me and it continues to be my theme as I wrestle. I can just picture God picking me up and placing me on His mantle of honor. WOW! His is so good.
So each day I must do this. Humble myself to Him. Then I must fight. I don’t think this way all the time because frankly most days I stay depressed or in some funk. But I do know that evil is here and it’s here to stay, so I must fight Satan with all of God’s power and might. Then do it again the next day.
I’m so glad that I found this group. I have needed to talk to men who deal with the same struggles that I do. Thanks to those who put this together. Please know that as you pray for me, I will be praying for you.
AMG62
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2007 5:21:30 GMT -7
Hi AMG62,
My words of wisdom are few in this subject, but have you received any counselling or located any recovery groups?
Praying for you...
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2007 15:04:38 GMT -7
I skimmed through the postings and just want to say that there is hope for us who have struggled with homosexuality. I'm now 57 and am free of this sin that held me captive for over 40 years. I have also confessed this sin to my wife after 29 years of marriage. She had no idea of my past, nor that I spent hours surfing porn or gratifying myself when ever I could. God lead me to a web site that changed my life. Setting Captives Free www.settingcaptivesfree.com it is a free Bible course study. You are given a mentor who has also been through the same type of trials. I am praising God for almost 3 years now of freedom. It is amazing. There is hope and it lies in bringing Glory to God with your life. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2007 5:51:57 GMT -7
Thanks guys. For me it seems to be the masculinity that maybe is not very good. Feel that I maybe lack a little bit of that. Maybe rejected it a little bit by my father, not seen, accepted and so on and maybe for that reason, rejected masculinity?
I think my parents have done as good as they could, but maybe it is not allways perfect all the same.. My father is maybe quite masculine in the way that he is quite good at getting things done, and maybe I have rejected this site because I have felt a little bit: Not seen, not respected, not accepted...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2007 2:45:21 GMT -7
Man,
Masculinity consists in taking the initiative to give the gift of yourself to a woman, and in being her point of orientation in the resulting relationship. It lies deeper than simply getting things done, which is only a personality characteristic that either men or women may have.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2007 14:31:56 GMT -7
Hi guys, I am not so sure if I struggle with SSA, but I hope it is okay that I post here? I don't allways feel very masculine and I can be afraid of looking into my heart: Do I struggle with SSA? ahh.. What is the truth?
I can be afraid of what lives in me: Might be dangerous to talk open with all friends about this. Can be very tempting to go nudies to get away/escape and maybe also get a confirmation that I am "normal". So nude women can kindo confirm me.. so it mgiht be tempting..
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2008 23:23:33 GMT -7
For me it might be ocd, that I fear very much to be homosexual..
Recently I was to a massagist and I was in underwear and I was laying on my stomach and I got an ejaculation. I might feared that and maybe also was tense in body because I didn't masturbate upfront.
Some days earlier I had a nocturnal emission. Maybe that was because of tensions in body...
And I was afraid that it should happen again when I was laying on my back and he might see it that it got wet and that it got bigger in the underwear.
But in one way I would hope that would happen as well. It is kindo exposing the fear, doing what I fear, then it might be so dangerous..?
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Post by bil4913 on Aug 15, 2008 3:09:31 GMT -7
Thanks for your honesty, Man.
Lust is very smart. It will attach to you in any way it can. While I am not in any way attracted sexually to men, I know that if I chose to expose myself to stimulus like same-sex porn, I would eventually become excited by it and have a new problem to contend with.
I would strongly advise you to not return for a massage. You'll be tempted and even somewhat hopeful that things would repeat themselves. This is a bad road to go down.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2008 1:40:10 GMT -7
Thanks Bil. It might be that this is quite normal when not masturbating and the body get very tense? so every touch will count and the body might react on "everything"?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2008 7:03:37 GMT -7
I feel it is like I have done something wrong in a homosexual way. I am not so sure about that... I feel it is like an accusation. Is it that Bil?
I think I wasn't very happy with that response. Is it something wrong. If I'd masturbated a lot upfront, it might not happen.
It might be that the body was very tense and that it happened because of that..? Am I pedophile if I get sexual reactions while playing with kids?
Am I non-sexual if I get nocturnal emissions in the night and there is no sexual dreams?
If a male doctor has to examine your penis and you react, does that mean that you are homosexual? Isn't there some natural things that happens in the body, natural responses..
I remember getting orgasms while climbing ropes as kids. Does that mean that I am ropophil?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2012 5:08:49 GMT -7
I believe my ssa does comes a lack of relationship with my father. My parents were divorced when I was one year old.
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