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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2016 16:17:16 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2016 21:40:58 GMT -7
Mo ~ I struggled for the longest time with trying to find happiness. For some time I was in a very dark place and had some dark thoughts racing through this head of mine. I really did not think that I would ever be happy again.
That all changed for me when I realized that my happiness does not come from my husband, the state of my heart is up to me. I make the choice every day when my feet hit the floor as to what kind of day I am going to have. I can walk around with a cloud because my husband is a porn addict or I can walk in the arms of my Father with the sun shining in my face so bright that I need my sunglasses! That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt or I don't think about it, it just means that I do not want to waste any more precious time dwelling on something that I cannot change.
Letting it go is hard ... one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And I must add, it has taken me almost a year to be able to release it from a tight grasp. It took counseling, trusting God to never leave me alone and talking out with a therapist, a friend or someone here the really painful stuff.
One thing that has made a huge difference in my household ... I finally drew a line in the sand. I told him that he was never to treat me with disrespect, scream at me, cuss at me, put me down, ridicule me, mock me, or call me a name as long as we both live in the same house. If he felt a need to do that, he needed to go to the garage where I could not hear him. For now, he does not see how his behavior is hurtful. I tell him that one day, God will get a hold of him and he will be on his knees begging for mercy and forgiveness ... until that day comes, he must at least act like I am a person with feelings. I jokingly tell him that God loves me so much that one day he will kick his butt for the way he treats me, but in reality, he loves my husband just as much as he loves me.
I guess, what really happened with me was that I just found a new normal. I learned how to be happy with me ~ I made me my new best friend. Now, I love hanging out with me :-)
You will make it through this, but you will have to hang on so tightly to Jesus. Make him your center, he will never let you down!
Love and Hugs
G
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2016 4:24:09 GMT -7
Gracey, thank you so much for sharing, that was really helpful. I like what you said about creating a new normal and learning to love yourself. I realize I'm at fault for letting so much of myself die to try to fit the mold of what I thought my husband needed to help his addiction. I love to read but I stopped reading in bed to stay up in case he wanted sex. I take showers at weird times and dress certain ways. I majored in poetry but stopped writing because I got an article published a few years ago and my husband wouldn't even read it. I don't go out socially because i know he'll look at porn while I'm gone. I've changed so much about myself to try to fit this ideal wife because I thought biblically that was what I was supposed to do, but I realize now I've denied the person God made me to be. I can't keep living in fear anymore. The bad thing has already happened in spite of my efforts, and even when I was 23 and 125 pounds he was still watching porn and wouldn't touch me. It makes me crazy because he makes fun of me when I try to make sexual advances toward him. That's cool, the time has come for him to chase me again. I just feel like I'm supposed to make myself available to him, but I've tried that for years and it didn't work.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2016 7:33:13 GMT -7
Thank you so much! "You have to be willing to lose the relationship." Wow, that's sobering. I'm going to continue praying for my husband daily, but I can't control his behavior. If he lets our relationship spiral into distrust and lack of intimacy I can't save it. I have to meet my needs myself.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2016 7:51:43 GMT -7
Hi... i am new here as well.. i haven't spoke on here before... the thread i just read is so helpful... so i hope i post this right.... My story sounds so much like all of yours..im so thankful im not alone in this .. that their are other women who understand the pain and devastation i face daily in my life.. How his behavior and addiction sometimes makes me feel literally crazy in my head and then i read these post and realize... thank God!! I'm not crazy other women feel what i feel... My husbands addition causes me overwhelming pain and sadness.. i get so sad sometimes i cant feel anything!
Thank you ladies for sharing your stories and your life.. it helps me to find comfort and it helps with the sadness.. It just helps... i can't say thank you enough....
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2016 10:42:20 GMT -7
Hi... i am new here as well.. i haven't spoke on here before... the thread i just read is so helpful... so i hope i post this right.... My story sounds so much like all of yours..im so thankful im not alone in this .. that their are other women who understand the pain and devastation i face daily in my life.. How his behavior and addiction sometimes makes me feel literally crazy in my head and then i read these post and realize... thank God!! I'm not crazy other women feel what i feel... My husbands addition causes me overwhelming pain and sadness.. i get so sad sometimes i cant feel anything! Thank you ladies for sharing your stories and your life.. it helps me to find comfort and it helps with the sadness.. It just helps... i can't say thank you enough.... Welcome to BG ghp. I am glad you found us. You are definitely not alone. When you feel up to it, I would like to hear your story. I am sending prayers and hugs your way.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2016 20:33:05 GMT -7
Welcome, GodsHealingPower. Of course, you posted right! No need to ever worry about that ... go back and read some of my stuff and you will know that there is no "right" :-)
You are not crazy! It took me a long time to realize that I was not crazy but for four years I really believed that I was. I still have moments where I doubt my sanity, but I am okay and so are you.
The times that I feel the craziest is when I am trying to decipher one of his lies and rationalize why he is lying or what it is that he is covering up. That drives me crazy more than anything.
This is a very sad season that we are in with our husbands and it is very painful. I find comfort in sharing my thoughts here and in a journal. I also find a great deal of comfort in reading what other women write as then I can see that I am not alone. We are all in the same storm, and we have each other for shelter.
I hope that you will feel comfortable enough to share anytime. We are all here. I have been absent for a while due to a respiratory infection that kicked my butt. The first time I went to the doctor he said that it was viral and an antibiotic would not help. It progressively got worse and I was not sleeping a wink due to coughing all night so I went back. He was mad at me for waiting so long and said that I was near pneumonia. I think it is a conspiracy so they get two office visit pays out of you :-)
Come share anytime ... we are here for you.
Grace
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2016 20:38:06 GMT -7
Thank you... Amymine712 and Gracey... I tried writing my story but messed up the post somehow.. Lol! I will write ot again and hope i get it to post right this time... I pray everyone has a peaceful New Year.. no stress , no sadness, just peace! I have decided 2017 is gotta be better than the year i just went threw!
My husbands says im not the same.. that im not happy anymore.. or im faking being happy!!! NO... REALLY.... WONDER WHY!!! Sometimes when he says stuff like this.. all i have left to do is either cry hysterically or laugh hysterically... you know that crazy laugh were you know your not ok... and everyone better leave you alone before you snap!
Anyways.. I'm drawing strength from all of you.. because now that im not alone and i can talk to others who "get it"... My head doesnt spin so much and the noise is softer and i breath better.. Thank you all for your help... and kindness...
I'm trying to keep my chin up!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2016 21:15:50 GMT -7
I laughed ... OUT LOUD at you saying that 2017 was going to be better. Last night I had coffee with a girlfriend and I told her that at the end of 2015 I made the statement that "2016 is gonna be my year!" and then I found out in February about the porn addiction. I decided that this year on New Year's Eve I am going to get in my car and drive around town honking and yelling out the window that "2017 is gonna suck and I am ready!" I am only kidding, though ... I know that God has great plans for me in 2017 and no weapon formed against me shall prosper. AMEN!
I do flippantly make the claim that 2016 was awful but it wasn't in all reality. There is so much sadness and darkness in the world and for the most part, I escaped it. Both of my kids are well, my granddaughter is precious (and well), I have a house that is warm, food to eat, a car to drive,running water, clothes to wear, a job, friends that love me, and I serve a God that will never, ever leave me in a fight alone. I am pretty much living high on the hog, as us country folk like to say when the market prices are good!
My son is a police officer so as you can imagine, there has not been one police shooting that has slid past my attention (or my prayers). I am so thankful that God has his protective hand on my baby and is keeping him safe.
It has been a tough year in a lot of ways for a lot of folks ... I wonder how many people would trade their troubles for ours? Now, please, do not think for one second that I am minimizing what any of us are going through or the pain that we are feeling because I am not. It stinks, it hurts, and it is not fair, but maybe for just a moment, we can find some peace in knowing that if this is the weapon the enemy is throwing at us, we can conquer this one!
Oh my gosh, your husband sounds as ridiculous as mine in some of his comments! My husband tells me that I would be happy if I would "just get over it". If only he would say that to me when I had a ball bat in my hands. (Kidding)
You come here and draw strength any time that you need to ... I will share mine with you any time and if ever I run low, I will run to God and get us some more :-)
I will tell you, I have really good days where I really think I am going to make it and WHAM, I turn right around and I am on my knees sobbing like a baby, But I have never had a day where I didn't feel the presence of God, if I took the time to ask him to be present. It is important that we always remember that he does not want this for us, this does not make him happy, and he cries with us.
You keep on keeping that chin up and when you can't keep it up alone, you reach out to your sisters.
Hugs and Prayers Grace
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2016 16:27:12 GMT -7
Maybe you should laugh like that the next time you feel like it. Certainly would stop the conversation or comments. lol of course if you are going to do it go all out...Really ham it up. insert devilish grin here.
I don't even think of a year being better or worse. I have been through so many ups and downs that it's just life to me. Satan always gets a few really good attacks in and God is always there to lift me out of the mess and show me how His blessings were there even in the mess.
I think I am going to start a blessings/prayer journal this next year. It will be interesting to see if I can do it for a year and see how big it gets. It's going to be a real challenge for me...Looking for blessings when you are stressed, depressed, angry etc. won't be easy.
Hang in there. God has your back.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2016 23:09:29 GMT -7
You are so right, Amy. Every year has it ups and every year has its downs, but we can always count on God to be there to land us on our feet. I keep a Prayer Journal, Amy. I may not write in it every single day, but close to it. On really bad days, I find scripture or one of God's promises that fits what I am feeling and write it at the top of the page and go from there. It is neat to go back and read ... I also highlight the answered prayers with a hot pink highlighter. A lot of hot pink in my prayer journal :-)
I start a new one on the first day of the New Year. The last pages of my previous year is a Thank You letter to Jesus for all of his blessings the past year. When you sit with pen and paper and really think, you can fill up a notebook.
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