Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2016 23:35:20 GMT -7
Hello,
I am new to BlazingGrace. I have been observing other peoples threads for a few weeks, but I have been finding it difficult to share my own.
My husband and I have been married almost 16 years. I knew when we were dating that he looked at porn, but he said it wasn't a problem, and foolishly, I believed him. I thought that he wouldn't need it anymore once we were married, but he still continued to use it. We had fights about it over the years, I have told him that I didn't like him watching P, and his response always seemed to be that I was making him out to be my father (My father was undoubtedly, an out of control sex/porn addict). I have never compared my husbands issues to my fathers addiction.
More than the porn: About 11 years ago, I discovered that my H had set up a profile on an adult sex hook up website, and even chatted with a few women on the site. I didn't know what to think or do. We fought about it, he said he was just looking, he wasn't going to do anything. He later agreed he wouldn't do it anymore.
Then, 7 years ago, he started chatting with a woman he met online gaming. Soon they swapped phone numbers and email address, and before long, they were sexting/emailing and calling each other while he was at work. I gave him an ultimatum, he said there was no decision to be made, he wanted me. A week or 2 later, I find he emailed her saying everything was safe, he still wanted to fool around, just had to keep it on the down-low. I could not believe this. I confronted him again, and he agreed to end it for good.
Spring 2015, my H was handling some family estate stuff, that is several hundred miles from where we live. He met the next door neighbors several times before, & the Mrs. offered to help if she could with some local issues. He ended up taking a trip to work on the house last spring, and after he got back, I noticed they were texting several times a day, and talking on the phone most days. I woke up one morning to find him on the front porch talking on the phone with her. He paused his conversation with her to ask me 'Would it be alright if me and her go cross country on our motorcycles together. I couldn't believe that he would ask me that. Then, later we had a fight about them being more than friends, which he denied any thoughts or feelings that were more than friendly. A few weeks later, I look through his phone and find that she has sent multiple pics of herself to him, mostly small summer tops, and one of her in her bikini. That was it for me. No respectable married woman would send bikini pics to another married man. When I confronted him, he made me feel crazy, and he defended her saying they were just innocent pictures. I didn't back down, and that was one of the worse fights we have ever been in. After some time had passed, he said that he was sorry for what he did to me, and I told him the only option to fix this issue, was no more communication with her at all, and he was to tell me if she tried to contact him. I believe this battle was won last November, Praise the Lord.
It was also last November that I read a book called "Lies women believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. This book really uncovers the truth about lies that we believe, but most of them we never identified as a lie, because our culture has lead us to believe differently. After reading it, I felt that I must confront my husband about the P. It was a nasty fight, I thought things would get better, but they actually got worse. A few weeks later I found that he created a profile on a social media site for ages 17 & up, and he was sharing other ppls porn. I was furious. I confront him about it, and at first, he said didn't think it was a big deal, everybody is doing it. Sharing porn can be very costly. It can be impossible to tell how old some of the girls are, which is very dangerous to get involved in. He agreed and closed the account.
Since the beginning of this year, I have been trying to fight this battle with everything I have, and I have taken up arms with the Lord. I installed internet filters for my router to block the P, and threw out all of the P in the house(really made him mad), he agreed to a basic cell phone. But for the last 11 months, we have been going through a cycle. He will agree to not look at P, and then 3-4 weeks later, I find he has lapsed. He will never admit anything to me, unless I tell him what I found in his history. He has found ways to get internet other places, suspecting I would never know. 3 weeks ago was our last fight over porn, and the last time we talked about it. He did say that he felt he needed to work on his relationship with God, but I am not seeing any changes. This week, I find that he has turn his attention to sexy bikini clad women on the internet. I confronted him and told him that I don't want him looking at that or lingerie models. He said that stuff is everywhere, on the street, billboards, magazines, and that if I have an issue with him looking at that, it is because I don't have enough self esteem.
I know my self esteem is not the best, but I don't compare myself to those women anymore, because most of what you see is fake. More than anything, I am hurt because it feels like my H is getting sexual gratification from images of other women, but he denies any gratification or unclean thought. I'm having a hard time believing that, and then trying to prepare for my wifely duties.
I am in the process of reading Every Man's Battle, but I haven't asked him to read it yet. I plan on reading every heart restored next.
I am new to BlazingGrace. I have been observing other peoples threads for a few weeks, but I have been finding it difficult to share my own.
My husband and I have been married almost 16 years. I knew when we were dating that he looked at porn, but he said it wasn't a problem, and foolishly, I believed him. I thought that he wouldn't need it anymore once we were married, but he still continued to use it. We had fights about it over the years, I have told him that I didn't like him watching P, and his response always seemed to be that I was making him out to be my father (My father was undoubtedly, an out of control sex/porn addict). I have never compared my husbands issues to my fathers addiction.
More than the porn: About 11 years ago, I discovered that my H had set up a profile on an adult sex hook up website, and even chatted with a few women on the site. I didn't know what to think or do. We fought about it, he said he was just looking, he wasn't going to do anything. He later agreed he wouldn't do it anymore.
Then, 7 years ago, he started chatting with a woman he met online gaming. Soon they swapped phone numbers and email address, and before long, they were sexting/emailing and calling each other while he was at work. I gave him an ultimatum, he said there was no decision to be made, he wanted me. A week or 2 later, I find he emailed her saying everything was safe, he still wanted to fool around, just had to keep it on the down-low. I could not believe this. I confronted him again, and he agreed to end it for good.
Spring 2015, my H was handling some family estate stuff, that is several hundred miles from where we live. He met the next door neighbors several times before, & the Mrs. offered to help if she could with some local issues. He ended up taking a trip to work on the house last spring, and after he got back, I noticed they were texting several times a day, and talking on the phone most days. I woke up one morning to find him on the front porch talking on the phone with her. He paused his conversation with her to ask me 'Would it be alright if me and her go cross country on our motorcycles together. I couldn't believe that he would ask me that. Then, later we had a fight about them being more than friends, which he denied any thoughts or feelings that were more than friendly. A few weeks later, I look through his phone and find that she has sent multiple pics of herself to him, mostly small summer tops, and one of her in her bikini. That was it for me. No respectable married woman would send bikini pics to another married man. When I confronted him, he made me feel crazy, and he defended her saying they were just innocent pictures. I didn't back down, and that was one of the worse fights we have ever been in. After some time had passed, he said that he was sorry for what he did to me, and I told him the only option to fix this issue, was no more communication with her at all, and he was to tell me if she tried to contact him. I believe this battle was won last November, Praise the Lord.
It was also last November that I read a book called "Lies women believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. This book really uncovers the truth about lies that we believe, but most of them we never identified as a lie, because our culture has lead us to believe differently. After reading it, I felt that I must confront my husband about the P. It was a nasty fight, I thought things would get better, but they actually got worse. A few weeks later I found that he created a profile on a social media site for ages 17 & up, and he was sharing other ppls porn. I was furious. I confront him about it, and at first, he said didn't think it was a big deal, everybody is doing it. Sharing porn can be very costly. It can be impossible to tell how old some of the girls are, which is very dangerous to get involved in. He agreed and closed the account.
Since the beginning of this year, I have been trying to fight this battle with everything I have, and I have taken up arms with the Lord. I installed internet filters for my router to block the P, and threw out all of the P in the house(really made him mad), he agreed to a basic cell phone. But for the last 11 months, we have been going through a cycle. He will agree to not look at P, and then 3-4 weeks later, I find he has lapsed. He will never admit anything to me, unless I tell him what I found in his history. He has found ways to get internet other places, suspecting I would never know. 3 weeks ago was our last fight over porn, and the last time we talked about it. He did say that he felt he needed to work on his relationship with God, but I am not seeing any changes. This week, I find that he has turn his attention to sexy bikini clad women on the internet. I confronted him and told him that I don't want him looking at that or lingerie models. He said that stuff is everywhere, on the street, billboards, magazines, and that if I have an issue with him looking at that, it is because I don't have enough self esteem.
I know my self esteem is not the best, but I don't compare myself to those women anymore, because most of what you see is fake. More than anything, I am hurt because it feels like my H is getting sexual gratification from images of other women, but he denies any gratification or unclean thought. I'm having a hard time believing that, and then trying to prepare for my wifely duties.
I am in the process of reading Every Man's Battle, but I haven't asked him to read it yet. I plan on reading every heart restored next.
