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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 20:04:41 GMT -7
Just wanted to let you guys know my Internet is down for some reason and the service on my phone is spotty, at best, where I live..but I got my computer! And when the Internet is back up I will reply to you all! I really appreciate all your suggestions and responses and didn't want you to think I just forgot about replying. 😊
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 4:38:38 GMT -7
Kimber how are you doing? It's been awhile and I have been thinking and praying about you.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2016 13:00:22 GMT -7
Hi!
We have moved into our new place and it has been am exciting adventure to say the least haha but it's nice to have something that is our own now!
My husband and I are doing a bit better...I still have my good and bad days with him, though...and yesterday was a bad day. I've told him multiple times in the past that I want to know the names of every woman he works with, since he had hidden those details and his crushes in the past...and he's been doing it about 80% of the time. So yesterday he told me they hired two girls. I asked if they were attractive (shouldn't have done that) he said one was. I asked on a scale of 1 to 10 (again, shouldn't have done that) and he said a 7. Now I'm terrified of him going to work. I don't know how I will ever fully trust him again. He says I have nothing to worry about, that it will all be professional...insert eye roll...
He has found a counselor he will be going to once our finances straighten out a bit...and I have been reading a lot and watching a lot of Patrick Doyle on YouTube , and writing a lot on my password protected laptop 😉. I have learned a lot about myself and why I have allowed some of the things I did. I just feel that I'm the only one doing work. He always has excuses. I'm tired, too, just like him. But I'm still doing it. I'm afraid that this will always be a center piece for us and that doesn't sound fun to me.
Another thing he doesn't seem to understand is why he smoking bothers me. When we met, he told me he smoked, cigarettes only. It never bothered me. He quit on his own a little after we were married. And once he told me about his porn use, all of it, it reassured me that he quit for good cause when he wants to do something, he will. Just like quitting cigarettes. He used them as an example over and over again as to why I should believe him and how when he's determined to quit something he does. So guess what, he started smoking again. It's not the smoking that upsets me, it's what they represent and he doesn't get that. He said he needed something cause things were stressful. I finally told him that I'm tired of coming in second to his addictions and I'm willing to remove myself from the equation, which I am 100%. And he then agreed that he would be done smoking by the end of December. I feel like my issue with his smoking makes sense, but the way he reacts to things makes me wonder if I'm a paranoid lunatic sometimes. If I was reading someone else's post that said the same thing, it would make perfect sense to me. I just feel overwhelmed with him and his problems. I did really focus on me for a while and it was nice. Then I found out he didn't tell me about a girl that he worked with and it all started up again with us. I don't want to be stuck in this cycle forever.
I thank you all for all the kind words and responses..it really mean a lot to me...to know that someone else understands.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2016 6:56:08 GMT -7
Hey, Kimber, I am so happy to see you are back! Missed you. I am happy that the move is behind you. Moving is hard! How exciting that you have your own place that you can make your very own home. Painting, wallpapering, and hanging "stuff" is my favorite thing to do.
I will write more this evening when I get home but I wanted you to know that I am here for you.
One thing I do want to say right quick ... you are NOT a paranoid lunatic, he just wants to make you feel that way. If we start to believe that we are "crazy" maybe we will shut up so that no one notices. I know ... I just came back from that. I went into the darkness for about 16 days because I really believed that I was crazy. I shut myself off from everyone because I didn't want anyone to notice that I was losing my mind.
You have the right, as does your husband, to ask any question that you wish to ask of your spouse. It took me a while to figure that out. I now realize that it does not matter if it seems a little crazy why I ask him why it took 90 minutes to travel 3 minutes and buy garbage bags. I asked it and he needs to answer it without blowing up. His blowing up only tells me that there is something to hide. I wouldn't be in this lunatic mode had he not have put me here :-)
Those are my "quick" thoughts ... I will write more later.
Hugs to you and hey, Kimber, look at you, see your beauty and awesomeness and know how loved you are by your Father.
Grace
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2016 11:03:12 GMT -7
Hi Kim! So glad to have you back! Congrats on you new home! It is tough moving but when it's done there is such a relief. Have fun decorating it.
Have you explained why you feel the way you do about his smoking to him? Men are wired differently then we are and sometimes don't see things the same way we do so, calmly explaining our views is necessary.
I know how tiring it can be especially if we don't see our partners doing their fare share. One thing to keep in mind us that his battle is going to be mostly in the mind and spirit which cannot be seen except by the way he behaves. My suggestion here would be to have him start counseling now because finances have a funny way of working against you when it involves getting out of sin. Then they straighten out once you have committed to do God's will. I think it's a faith thing.
Another thing I would suggest hon is that you get back to focusing on God and you. Let God fix your husband and you work on you. Fight on dear sister!
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