Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2016 21:57:10 GMT -7
Hello All,
Hoping to get some feedback and suggestions. I need help with my porn addiction. I am in my 40's and realize I need support outside myself, failed thousands of times to stop on my own. There are a few obstacles I have however. I am unable to discuss this secret problem with my wife. She finds porn to be disgusting (as she should) and has let it be known in the past that she would divorce me if she knew I watched porn. Unfortunately, she means it and would "weaponize" this information against me, we have 4 children. She would make sure everyone knew of my problem. I understand a spouse can be a great support in helping a person overcome pornography, but not in my particular situation.
Also, I have not been able to find an accountability partner I can confide in. Unfortunately, the pastors and elders I know do not actually keep things confidential. I have heard of private and personal issues of others in the church, which should not have been shared with anyone. So at this time, I do not feel comfortable discussing this with church leaders, even though I would like to.
Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me? I live in suburbs of Chicago. Any resources anyone could suggest would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you, appreciate your prayers as well.
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74 
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Aug 24, 2016 23:07:10 GMT -7
Hi needgrace, I feel so sorry for you. Nevertheless, your willingness to do whatever it takes to overcome this addiction shows that the Holy Spirit is working in you. And the Lord sees your willing heart, and He will not let you down! Even though pornography is not my particular issue, I know too well how hard is it to resist temptation. Have you tried Sexaholics Anonymous? This is something I'm looking into right now, as I think it might be helpful for me to participate in a phone group with other women having similar issues like me. Besides phone groups, they also offer face-to-face meetings. The website for the US is: www.sa.org/. May the Lord guide you! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2016 3:08:56 GMT -7
Welcome to BG needgrace. I'm sorry to hear you are caught up in this terrible obsession. I certainly have no quick fix solutions but have a lot of experience over the last 3 and 1/2 years of this battle. The first thing I would do is get Covenant Eyes on all your devices which would require a support person to monitor. In your case it sounds like your wife has her own issues and would be a bad choice. It's sad she is judging you so harshly rather than working as a team to overcome. I think it's safe to say many of the wives here would be so thankful if their husbands were willing to do anything to get free.
You could start your own blog in the accoutability section and I would be glad to help you stay accountable by email, message or text. I don't know the particulars of your struggle but I would be careful going to any forums , Christian or otherwise if you have an issue with chatting and cybersex. Remember those forums, rooms are full of addicts and can often cause us more temptation. Been there done that. In my experience the more I attend church, bible studies conferences and read good refernce material the more I overcome. "Changes that Heal" by Henry Cloud is a great book to help deal with the underlying root issues. This is not about stopping a behaviour as much as it is loving God more than your idols and that is much easier said than done. It took many years to program your character and carnal behaviours, it takes time to reprogram your mind to be the person God created you to be and do what He created you to do.
His grace is sufficient.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2016 21:35:31 GMT -7
Thank you both some much for the advice and thoughts.
I had a internet filter before and it was not that useful. I could find my way around it, plus I am surrounding by so many electronic devices that a filter would not be the best option.
Forums and chat would sounds like it could be helpful, fortunately, I am not tempted in that sort of way, my big issue is images. Do you think starting an accountability thread for myself would help? Does one just post something daily about progress or lack there of?
Appreciate the offer of email, I would like to try anything at this point.
Also, thanks for the website info Daniela, I check that out to.
God Bless.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2016 13:11:32 GMT -7
Start a thread in the accountability section of your own and update as often as you can. I and others will read and encourage you on your journey. If you are only tempted by images that is a plus in my opinion but still a difficult battle. So post away!  ps if you click on my name you will see my email address. email any time it will be held in confidence. |
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teetop
Member
541-646-4564
Posts: 173 
Occupation: RETIRED
Interests: EVERYTHING CHRISTIAN
Days of Integrity: 0
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Post by teetop on Aug 31, 2016 1:08:19 GMT -7
Hello All, Hoping to get some feedback and suggestions. I need help with my porn addiction. I am in my 40's and realize I need support outside myself, failed thousands of times to stop on my own. There are a few obstacles I have however. I am unable to discuss this secret problem with my wife. She finds porn to be disgusting (as she should) and has let it be known in the past that she would divorce me if she knew I watched porn. Unfortunately, she means it and would "weaponize" this information against me, we have 4 children. She would make sure everyone knew of my problem. I understand a spouse can be a great support in helping a person overcome pornography, but not in my particular situation. Also, I have not been able to find an accountability partner I can confide in. Unfortunately, the pastors and elders I know do not actually keep things confidential. I have heard of private and personal issues of others in the church, which should not have been shared with anyone. So at this time, I do not feel comfortable discussing this with church leaders, even though I would like to. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me? I live in suburbs of Chicago. Any resources anyone could suggest would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, appreciate your prayers as well. Welcome aboard 'needgrace,'
Normally I post above the message, but I decided to change my tact.
You asked for suggestions on just what to do, then put up roadblocks right off the bat. Not so good, at the same time my friend, you have asked for help while rejecting help close to hand. And to top it off, leaving us in the dark about as it were; the rest of the story. Hahahaha; you sound like me. (Quote: 'my big issue is images.') I too struggle with images along with lustful day-dreaming and acting out.
I can not address your problem without a little more information such as; the Doctrine's of your Church, or for that matter, the strength of your faith and your wife's also.
Now this may seem strange, but alas, the ultimate question is going to be; are you willing to obey God and I suspect your marriage vows too?
And believe me, I'm in the same boat.
1Co_6:18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
1Co_10:14 Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.
1Ti_6:11 But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.
2Ti_2:22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.(NASV)
These are just a few verses that come into play, while asking us what are we going to do about them. (Call me if you wish, my numbers in my bio-page)
Virgil
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