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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2016 10:36:00 GMT -7
I am coming to just about the only place that I feel comfortable these days and I am asking for prayer ... that in itself is difficult for me. I like to be the one doing the praying for others and seldom like to admit that I am not holding it together as a precious child of God should be.
I have done everything that I know to do for my husband; I have been loving, kind, supportive, patient, I have prayed without ceasing, I have attended therapy for over a year ... I have talked and I have not talked. There is nothing else I can do. It is all on him now and as long as he is lying and denying there doesn't seem to be any other way. He has made our home a hostile environment that no person should have to endure.
I have been to the bank and I am meeting with a realtor friend this afternoon for a second viewing of a potential home. It is a cute home ... but it is not my home. It is not the home that I raised my children in, it is not the yard where the kids have buried pets over the years, it doesn't have my flowers or my yard where my children played, and it holds no memories that are mine.
My heart is hurting so bad. I can not understand how or why the addiction takes first place over me and our family. This has cost me everything and him nothing! It is so hard to comprehend.
Please keep me in your prayers ... I don't know how I am going to do this.
Love and Hugs
Grace
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2016 13:06:50 GMT -7
Grace my heart goes out to you. I have no words of wisdom or comfort that can explain why this is happening to your family. I can only pray that God will give you wisdom and insight as well as comfort.
Your husband seems to be in deep bondage to a stronghold in his life that may be related to generational sin. You may need some people gifted in such ministry to help pray into this situation.
I like John and Paula Sanford material as well as a Henry Cloud book "Healing for your Hurts" God be with you and yours.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2016 15:40:02 GMT -7
Gracey Hon I am sorry. Your memories will go with you and flowers can be transplanted. I know that a new house will not feel like home for awhile. Been there. It is very difficult dealing with so much change and upheaval.
Father please help Gracey get through this time in her life. She needs your love and strength. Wrap her in Your arms and let her know You are there right beside her. In Christ's name I ask. Amen
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2016 20:51:25 GMT -7
Thank you both, Amy and Braveheart. I am hanging on ... only by a piece of dental floss, but nonetheless, I am hanging on!
Braveheart, I wrote down the information that you shared with me. Thank you.
Amy, you are always so sweet and kind. Many would be walking in the dark without you (I know I would).
Hugs and Blessings.
Grace
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teetop
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Post by teetop on Aug 1, 2016 3:18:40 GMT -7
Prayer is a good thing Gracey, though the question would be as to what to pray for and for whom? My heart goes out to you, yet at the same time, I find the question as to what to pray for. Let me try and explain.
You have stated that you've been married 34 years,: (Like you, divorce is in my near future. I have lived in my home for 30 years I have been married for 34. It is hard ... Really hard to leave the only thing that I know. My house is my home. I love my flowers and my yard. I love my neighbors. Really Hard! This would not be the end result IF my husband would take ownership of his actions. I told him that had he been honest, sought counseling, and truly made an effort, I would have never left his side. He had an affair in 2003 and one in 1985 while I was pregnant with our daughter. Game Over!
Quote from; God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds, Jul 14, 2016 at 8:02am )
You have already decided divorce is inevitable. Which is in direct opposition to God's word, which also means against His will.
The pain you must be feeling is great but I would have to ask; why did you make the choice to marry you're husband in the first place?
Hahaha! If your like most of us, our feelings and emotions (our heart) helped shove us in-to the choices we've made. I should know, I've had it happen so many times I've lost count. And I'm sorry to say, 99% would have been outside of God's will or desires for me, Including my 2 marriages. Hindsight is a wonderful way to see where we may have made wrong choices, while at the same time giving us a guilty conscience. Been there, done that. So before you throw in the towel, try listening to Dr. Charles Stanley on: 'Solving Problems Through Prayer'.
Solving Problems Through Prayer
The one other link I have listened too of late is from David Pawson on: 'Male & Female - What's the difference?'
Male & Female - What's the difference? .
Though we men are no different than the women we love when it comes to pride.
Virgil
I am coming to just about the only place that I feel comfortable these days and I am asking for prayer ... that in itself is difficult for me. I like to be the one doing the praying for others and seldom like to admit that I am not holding it together as a precious child of God should be. I have done everything that I know to do for my husband; I have been loving, kind, supportive, patient, I have prayed without ceasing, I have attended therapy for over a year ... I have talked and I have not talked. There is nothing else I can do. It is all on him now and as long as he is lying and denying there doesn't seem to be any other way. He has made our home a hostile environment that no person should have to endure. I have been to the bank and I am meeting with a realtor friend this afternoon for a second viewing of a potential home. It is a cute home ... but it is not my home. It is not the home that I raised my children in, it is not the yard where the kids have buried pets over the years, it doesn't have my flowers or my yard where my children played, and it holds no memories that are mine. My heart is hurting so bad. I can not understand how or why the addiction takes first place over me and our family. This has cost me everything and him nothing! It is so hard to comprehend. Please keep me in your prayers ... I don't know how I am going to do this. Love and Hugs Grace
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teetop
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Occupation: RETIRED
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Post by teetop on Aug 1, 2016 3:57:40 GMT -7
I like John and Paula Sanford material as well as a Henry Cloud book "Healing for your Hurts" God be with you and yours.
This way they can be checked out and there wont be any problems finding them.
I went to check these things out and found a lot of stuff, but was unsure as to the right ones.
Virgil
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 7:03:47 GMT -7
Teetop , I know that your intent is to be helpful, but there have been times that I feel extremely judged by you. Amy and Braveheart did not have a problem keeping me and my family in their prayers ... if you do not know who or what to pray for, then do not pray for me. It is as simple as that.
Yes, I do know that divorce is not in alignment with God's will but I also know that he is not a fan of infidelity, pornography, and/or sexual immorality. He is not sitting on his throne and cheering my husband on as he continues down this horrible path that is destroying his life and his family. He is saddened by my husband's actions and he is saddened for me. God does not think my husband is a macho man as he stays in the house viewing the porn and doing whatever while I am being both the man and the woman of the house. This is not in accordance with his plan either.
I have listened to and read just about every piece of material out there. I am attending counseling, my husband refuses to seek counseling, I have spent hours with my pastor, I have prayed without ceasing. This is not my battle any longer ... this is my husband's battle. I fought what I could fight it is time for him to stand up and take ownership and what to see a change in himself.
One of the things that has been the most moving to me in the time I have spent reading here is the determination, the will to do better and the ownership and accountability that I see in those here that have an addiction. While they may slip and fall, they stand right back up and try again tomorrow. They are not fighting only for themselves, but they are fighting for those that they love. That to me is honorable! My husband is yet to even admit that this is an issue.
Why did I marry my husband, you ask ... I loved him. I believed that we would live happily ever after with a little picket fence and raise our children and move on to spending time with grandchildren. I believed that at the end of the day, we would sit in the porch swing, sipping tea and talk about our day and all the blessings God had showered us with. Instead, I am on the swing, crying, and he is viewing porn and cheating with other women.
I read something in one of the books that Braveheart recommended that really resonated with me and I would like to share:
Many people are too quick to trust someone in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the other is producing “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8). To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see true repentence”.
― Henry Cloud
I will apologize in advance if my words are harsh, that is not and never will be my intent. You see, I lost my voice for about three years ... I accepted the way that things were, blamed myself, carried the burden, I now have found my voice and I have stood up and declared "NO MORE". I probably need to put that voice away sometimes now, but I don't. Please forgive me if I am harsh.
Grace
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 9:11:47 GMT -7
I am glad the book was helpful Gracey but I'm surprised you found it, I gave the wrong title. It's actually Changes that Heal by Henry Cloud. You can also see this teaching on youtube which summerizes the book. The book by the Sanford's I like is Transformation of the Inner Man. They are also available on Youtube. I am glad you spoke up and agree with you totally. It has been a constant battle here for addicts to empathize with the spouses and several have left this forum. Don't be discouraged. I do hope as you read you will learn how the way we are brought up is so instrumental in shaping our character or lack of. I am sure your husband had some very wrong dirction in his childhood. I pray he will come to the end of his wrong choices that are based on lies from his past. Don't allow the enemy to torment you with guilt any longer. Your husband will one day realize what a huge loss he has suffered due to these choices. You have been a faithful long suffering wife. Stay strong as you grieve this pain.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2016 18:49:56 GMT -7
Hey, Bravehart, I must say, you made finding the book challenging! (Said with humor). I really just grabbed a couple by Henry Cloud and when I didn't see the one you listed I assumed that the title was off by a word or two. No big deal ... all is well!
I am saddened that we all cannot help each other. This is a tremendous battle for both the spouse and the addict. I have learned much from reading both sides. If only my husband would come here (or anywhere) and read ... oh my, what a difference that could make in his life.
I won't be discouraged ... there have been a couple of special ladies here that I have encouraged. Anytime we can look past our own hurt and bitterness and pick someone else up we are well on our way to defeating the enemy. That is my game plan ... kick the enemy's butt right back to hell where he came from!
Blessings
Grace
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Post by kingsolomon on Nov 16, 2017 16:02:46 GMT -7
Please pray for me too. Sometimes it looks like it's impossible to come out of this addiction.
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