Tough Week | Blazing Grace

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Tough Week Jul 22, 2016 8:35:53 GMT -7 teetop likes this

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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 8:35:53 GMT -7

I have had a really tough week! My faith tank has been running on empty; I go to the Lord to pray and I have no words, none. I trust that he will just feel and know my heart because the words will not come. I am tired, so very tired of fighting a battle that is not mine to fight. I have reached the point where I have done everything that I can do to try and help my husband. I have prayed, I have believed, I have stood in faith, and I have loved when most would have hated. I am giving up the fight. I am going to quit trying to change someone who does not want to change. I am allowing the enemy to drain me of my joy. No more … I relinquish control. I will let the storm take me to where God wants me to be. I am throwing up my hands and saying “I trust you, God”! He is in control of this storm. This storm has knocked me to the ground. But one thing I am confident in; God will pick me up and carry me through it.

Sadly, I have held on this long, not for the sake of “marriage” but for the sake of “family”. Family has always come first in my life. He is not present in the family with this addiction so why do I think it will be any different if we go our separate ways?

I will never be able to wrap my head around my husband’s treatment of me. The addiction, I can understand after much reading and therapy. But his hurtfulness and total disregard for me and my well-being. I do not understand. His anger is horrible! The outbursts and the language are just unbelievable. Last night I very gently told him that he really needed to talk to someone as it could not be healthy for him. I am the one that should be angry! I should be walking kicking and punching and cursing not him. The lies, and the sneakiness are beyond my comprehension. If I knew what he was "sneaking" around about it probably wouldn't be as bad as some of what I imagine in my head. This has cost him nothing where it has cost me everything.

Unfortunately, we live in a broken world where good behavior isn’t always rewarded and bad behavior isn’t always punished; therefore innocent people sometimes suffer. Fortunately, we can stand on the word of God and trust that he will right every wrong.

I am believing that God is speaking to me and telling me that I have stayed long enough at this mountain. (Deuteronomy 1:6) I have been wallowing where I am long enough; going in circles, doing the same thing, the same way day after day and expecting change … The time has come to let it go!

Please forgive me for being a gloom spreader … I lost my way this week!

Prayers and Love to all of you … And please, keep my sweet baby boy in your prayers, who is a police officer 

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Tough Week Jul 22, 2016 12:47:00 GMT -7

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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 12:47:00 GMT -7

Hon I am sorry you are going through this struggle. Just remember that you are "going through". You are not wallowing. God is leading you even if you can't feel it or see the end yet. When we are at our lowest...that is when you can rest assured that God is there in the trenches with you.

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers and saying an extra prayer for your son. Stay safe and know that you are loved.

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Tough Week Jul 22, 2016 19:05:04 GMT -7

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Post by teetop on Jul 22, 2016 19:05:04 GMT -7

Our hearts go out to you Gracey.
It is hard when the person who is sup-post to be the head of the home and turns aside to his own thing.
Scripture taken from the NASB.

1Co 7:10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband
1Co 7:11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife......

1Co 7:13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
1Co 7:15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
1Co 7:16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

1Pe 2:16 Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God.
1Pe 2:17 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.
1Pe 2:18 Servants, be submissive to your masters
(G1203
δεσπότης
despotēs
des-pot'-ace
Perhaps from G1210 and πόσις posis (a husband); an absolute ruler (“despot”): - Lord, master.
[Strong's Hebrew and Greek Dictionary])

with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.
1Pe 2:19 For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.
1Pe 2:20 For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.
1Pe 2:21 For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,
1Pe 2:22 WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH;
1Pe 2:23 and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;
1Pe 2:24 and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.
1Pe 2:25 For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
1Pe 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
1Pe 3:2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

For some these verses seem a little harsh. But, I've noticed that God always honors those who obey Him, even though the world keeps trying to tell us otherwise. Remember Abigail? 1Sa 25:3 (now the man's name was Nabal, and his wife's name was Abigail. And the woman was intelligent and beautiful in appearance, but the man was harsh and evil in his dealings, and he was a Calebite),........

Could I suggest you finding a local Christian woman's group such as Celebrate Recovery or similar type Christian group for fellowship and support. Online groups are great, but they don't give the support face 2 face groups do.
Reading your story sure brings it home to me and what a wretch I've been to my wives over the years and how much I've got to let God change me willingly. Placing Him on the throne instead of me trying to run the ship.
We shall keep you in our prayers to give you strength and your husband that God will soften his heart to turn from his sins too.
Virgil

Act 17:11 Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.(NASV)

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Tough Week Jul 22, 2016 21:14:40 GMT -7 teetop likes this

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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 21:14:40 GMT -7

Thanks, Amy, for always knowing what to say. Your kindness always makes me feel better. I needed to be reminded that I am going "through" it ... I do not have to buy land and stay, just keep moving through it. I had dinner with an old friend that is a pastor. He assured me that it is "normal" to find ourselves wordless when going to the Lord in prayer. All that matters is that we keep going, if only with our hearts and tears. Thank you so much for keeping us in prayer.

Tomorrow ... it is a brand new day! God has a brand new blessings just waiting for me!

Thank you, Tee for your kind words and your prayers. You are a wall of support for many. As far as leaving my husband and not remarrying ... ummm, not a problem. That is a thought that would not ever be entertained in this little head. My winning the Mega Millions lottery stand a greater chance; and I don't ever buy a ticket.

Blessings to all!
Grace