Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 15:36:44 GMT -7
We've been separated two months now since I discovered the sex addiction. I originally went to the church for help with his anger- it's been present since we first met, but seemed to be getting worse. We've been married 20 years and have 4 kids. I've been thru the confusion of emotional and verbal abuse all these years. it all came to a head when he began physically abusing our oldest son (13). He wouldn't leave the home, so that's when I went to the church. When I started going through his accounts, I discovered phone records of him sexting and paying for massage parlor a and oral sex with prostitutes. Thankfully
all STD tests have been negative for me. He initiated sex recovery and seeing a therapist- I've never seen him so emotional and he seems very focused on recovery and seeing a sex therapist. He's finally dealing with his childhood trauma and abuse, which makes me happy, but I can't imagine ever living with him again. He was extremely critical, not picking, hateful, etc. He almost pushed me down the stairs recently when I accidentally knocked his suitcase over. The thing is, we went thru alcohol addiction with him 8 years ago. He has these hidden addictions bc he travels all the time. He got 2 DUIs and served jail time, tons of community service hours, lost his job, spent a year in a recovery group, lost his drivers license for 18 months, spent $20,000+ on attorney fees, etc. I invested tons of time helping him build a business and drove him from job to job with 4 small children in the backseat. It was a nightmare and extremely stressful to say the least. It was a hard time financially and emotionally. I know I have PTSD from all the abuse and trauma of being married to such a crazy maker. Long story short, I'm sadly preparing quietly for divorce- I have two job interviews tomorrow and I'm working on getting financially able to support me and the kids. I see him making great recovery gains, but I can't spend the rest of my life supporting recovery efforts or dealing with the aftermath of relapses and all the abuse associated with BPD. Trying to rebuild trust over and over again is exhausting. I feel pretty stupid that I've put up with this so long. I've felt so free since he's been gone from the house. But I'm also grieving all the lost years that I invested and believed in him.
