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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2016 18:40:04 GMT -7
Well I really dont see much hope based on her side of the story. I just think divorce is a last resort. What does divorce accomplish that seperation cannot? In the majority of the cases I would agree with you Brave. I know of at least 2 marriages where separation worked and the couple has been able to move forward with healing and forgiveness. Divorce should always be seen as a last resort unless there is abuse involved. If the SA is repentant and showing change then they should be given the chance to heal their marriage.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2016 7:28:47 GMT -7
Divorce would mean that Broken would be free to find happiness in marriage again should she have the opportunity. because her divorce would be biblically legitimate. This may have nothing to do with her reasonings, but it would be mine, had i chosen to divorce.
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Moving On
Apr 20, 2016 10:46:18 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2016 10:46:18 GMT -7
I never wanted any of this...but my husband's inaction, denial and abandonment leaves me no choice but to move on. I will not live in limbo for the foreseable future, and if he repents and seeks help, then God will help us reconcile. I have NO desire to meet anyone much less consider marriage again. I still want and love my husband, but he is unreachable. God help us all.
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Moving On
Apr 24, 2016 11:55:09 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 11:55:09 GMT -7
Hi Broken1969, Good to hear that you are taking positive steps to protect yourself and your daughter. I'm all for giving it your best shot at keeping a marriage intact; however, there has to be cooperation on both sides - not just one. Both of you have to be willing to fight for your marriage. From all that you have said, you have done this, but your husband is non responsive and not taking any steps to make things right. My opinion is that you are doing the right thing by proceeding with divorce and utilizing the court to help protect your daughter from any further impact your husbands poor choices have on her. So glad that your pastor is supportive of you in this! So many give bad counsel to stay and suffer and let the children suffer too. If your husband ever comes around in the future, you can always get remarried.
I think the behavior you described of acting clueless is typical. You have set a strong boundary that his behavior is not acceptable and you will not allow him to continue to try and manipulate your feelings through his lack of action and lack of involvement. You are pushing his buttons now - he no longer has control over you - and he's not going to like that. Acting clueless is an attempt to turn the tables on you and blame you. An attempt to get you to question your decisions. Don't let him do it. Sex addicts are master manipulators - and they can turn everything around on you before you even realize it. Stick to the facts of what his actions have been and are. Do your best to not let your feelings and emotions cloud your judgement. God is strengthening you. He will make your path straight.
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Moving On
Apr 24, 2016 12:02:37 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 12:02:37 GMT -7
I wanted to add I don't think your husband is in deep denial. Just my opinion, but I think he's trying hard to manipulate you and get control over you again. He knows your love for him and he's using that against you. Talk to your lawyer and let he/she know he showed up unannounced at your house. Your lawyer might be able to help you with putting some sort of legal boundary in place as you are going through the divorce process to keep that from happening.
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Moving On
Apr 26, 2016 20:43:05 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 20:43:05 GMT -7
Hope22, thanks for the words of encouragement. I know this is the best recourse for me and my daughter, although I still don't want this for our lives.
Your perspective on his behavior is interesting. It has never occurred to me that his avoidance is an effort to control me. My feeling has always been that he is just waiting for me to make the hard decision, so he can avoid discomfort and humiliation. He has postured in the past, acting as though our daughter were the most important thing to him. Yet he hasn't tried to communicate with her in days and days. He made a lame request via text yesterday to pick her up from school, but I already had her.
In regard to his showing up at my home? That will be addressed when he is served papers. I asked my lawyer to include no a contact request so he can't harass me by trying to see our daughter, and vice versa. He will no longer be allowed to pick her up from school or see her until he agrees to all my demands or we set a hearing. My lawyer is demanding a psych eval before any visitation will even be set. He will do 1 of 2 things: feign a mental breakdown to garner sympathy, or sign off immediatley so he can resume his ungodly lifestyle. If he were to act as though he suddenly wants to save his family, it will have no effect on my decision. I will divorce him because he simply cannot be trusted. Period. I truly pray he repents before he destroys his life.
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teetop
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Post by teetop on Jul 17, 2016 10:43:12 GMT -7
I for one, does not like divorce, though I've done it. But I read your beginning story/journal and then moved through a few more. Though this is not the first time I've read your story or other postings you've written. This time something from scripture came to mind. And though I believe this covers your situation and should put your heart at ease.
1Co 7:9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1Co 7:10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 1Co 7:11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. 1Co 7:12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 1Co 7:13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 1Co 7:15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 1Co 7:16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? (NASB)
And though I share this set of verses with you, I strongly suggest you study them along with the rest of scripture.
To me verse 15 gives the true believer (the one who is running the race for their own salvation. 1 Cor. 7:15 + Heb 12:1-2) Heb 12:1 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, Heb 12:2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (NASB)
We shall hold you in prayer. Virgil
After nearly a year of prayer, study, Godly counsel and reflection, I have decided to end my marriage. My husband has shown absolutely NO effort toward seeking counseling, group therapy, accountability or even acknowledging that he is a sex addict. His abandonment and unstable behavior has wreaked havoc on me and my daughter's heart and emotions. It is my duty to protect her from further harm, and I pray that God will shield her little heart and emotions from lasting damage. I am overjoyed to report that last Tuesday, my daughter asked Jesus into her heart as Savior, and she will be baptized the first Sunday in May. I was privileged to be there as she prayed the most precious prayer I have ever heard. So although at times I may not feel His presence, God is TRULY with us! Thank you all for loving and supporting us, and please don't stop praying. I know God is in the miracle business, and it is my sincere prayer that my husband will find freedom from his bonds.
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