Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2016 17:40:31 GMT -7
We've dated 18 mos. and I've been suspicious since day 1. Right off the bat he revealed that his marriage ended because his ex discovered his online activities on various dating and cheating sites. He explained she told him she wasn't sexually attracted to him because he's gained some weight. In hindsight, I'm sure this revelation was precipitated by his fear someone was going to tell me. I've always been a little prone to jealousy, so I rationalized all the red flags. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my gut kept nagging at me that something wasn't right. My co-dependent little self turned into Inspector Gadget. I went on high alert and started looking for clues everywhere.
To summarize what I discovered over the last year:
Handwritten list of addresses and distances from his hotel for six Asian massage parlors while on a business trip. He explained by saying his back was hurting after driving all day and they were the only places open for him to get some relief for his back. I bought his story.
Ashley Madison account. I'm not proud but I created a fake profile and got him to communicate with fake me for long enough for him to reveal a lot of information. I confronted him and he knew he was caught. He admitted to it being him, but insisted he never had or would meet someone in person. That it was just fantasy. He begged, pleaded, and cried for forgiveness for days. I relented and started seeing him again. I really tried to work on trusting him after this because he seemed to be so remorseful.
A month after AM ordeal, I told him I was still suspicious of him and we argued. He handed me his phone and told me to look through it. He pulled up the email account he used for AM. He had cleared the inbox and it only one email remained which was where he cancelled the AM account. I guess he wasn't prepared for me to click on his sent box bc there were dozens of responses to Craigslist personals. Which he said were from months before. I was too upset at this point and didnt look close enough at the dates they were sent, so once agin I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He started telling me I needed to work on my trust issues. I believed I was the problem because of my suspiciousness. I really tried to work on trusting him.
Last week, I got the feeling again that he was up to something. I woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack and created a fake Craigslist ad for a casual encounter. Next morning, I had over 50 replies (disgusting ones) and one jumped out at me. It was someone his age and even indicated that he lived in the same area of town that he does. Indicated he was a professional white male who was dominant(!!!) Once again, I started exchanging emails with this man, being clever by using poor grammar and sentence structure so he wouldn't suspect it was me. A lot of details he offered were very coincidental. For a few days, we exchanged some erotica and ultimately starting planning our rendezvous. The place he told fake me to meet him at 11:00pm a few nights later was literally 3 minutes from his house. Still I wasn't positive it was him. He asked me what I liked to drink and I told him vodka because I knew he never kept that in his liquor cabinet. Long story short, the very next day, I found a huge bottle of unopened vodka tucked away in his liquor cabinet. I confronted him immediately and he got furious. Told me to leave and that I needed therapy to get over my insecurity and trust issues. I gladly left knowing that this time I'd finally had enough of the lies. As soon as I got back to my place, he'd sent a long text message about how I was ruining our relationship by my irrational accusations. I seriously started to question myself and wonder if I was accusing an innocent man.
He contacted me tonight and told me I needed to find some help because he hadn't done anything and he thought I was unstable. I told him I agreed I needed help. And we agreed to not see each other for the next week while I get "help."
Why am I second guessing myself again and thinking that maybe it wasn't him. He's right, I need help.
To summarize what I discovered over the last year:
Handwritten list of addresses and distances from his hotel for six Asian massage parlors while on a business trip. He explained by saying his back was hurting after driving all day and they were the only places open for him to get some relief for his back. I bought his story.
Ashley Madison account. I'm not proud but I created a fake profile and got him to communicate with fake me for long enough for him to reveal a lot of information. I confronted him and he knew he was caught. He admitted to it being him, but insisted he never had or would meet someone in person. That it was just fantasy. He begged, pleaded, and cried for forgiveness for days. I relented and started seeing him again. I really tried to work on trusting him after this because he seemed to be so remorseful.
A month after AM ordeal, I told him I was still suspicious of him and we argued. He handed me his phone and told me to look through it. He pulled up the email account he used for AM. He had cleared the inbox and it only one email remained which was where he cancelled the AM account. I guess he wasn't prepared for me to click on his sent box bc there were dozens of responses to Craigslist personals. Which he said were from months before. I was too upset at this point and didnt look close enough at the dates they were sent, so once agin I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He started telling me I needed to work on my trust issues. I believed I was the problem because of my suspiciousness. I really tried to work on trusting him.
Last week, I got the feeling again that he was up to something. I woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack and created a fake Craigslist ad for a casual encounter. Next morning, I had over 50 replies (disgusting ones) and one jumped out at me. It was someone his age and even indicated that he lived in the same area of town that he does. Indicated he was a professional white male who was dominant(!!!) Once again, I started exchanging emails with this man, being clever by using poor grammar and sentence structure so he wouldn't suspect it was me. A lot of details he offered were very coincidental. For a few days, we exchanged some erotica and ultimately starting planning our rendezvous. The place he told fake me to meet him at 11:00pm a few nights later was literally 3 minutes from his house. Still I wasn't positive it was him. He asked me what I liked to drink and I told him vodka because I knew he never kept that in his liquor cabinet. Long story short, the very next day, I found a huge bottle of unopened vodka tucked away in his liquor cabinet. I confronted him immediately and he got furious. Told me to leave and that I needed therapy to get over my insecurity and trust issues. I gladly left knowing that this time I'd finally had enough of the lies. As soon as I got back to my place, he'd sent a long text message about how I was ruining our relationship by my irrational accusations. I seriously started to question myself and wonder if I was accusing an innocent man.
He contacted me tonight and told me I needed to find some help because he hadn't done anything and he thought I was unstable. I told him I agreed I needed help. And we agreed to not see each other for the next week while I get "help."
Why am I second guessing myself again and thinking that maybe it wasn't him. He's right, I need help.
