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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2016 19:13:10 GMT -7
Ok Since I don't technically have a specific accountability partner, I'll just use this forum to "check in" every so often.
Today makes 34 days "clean and sober". What a nice feeling. There's a lot to be said for the satisfaction of longevity over instant gratification.
It's pretty hard to understand how I can fall for that temptation, though I have time and time again. I mean, it promises this crazy ecstasy, but as soon as it's over, this disgusting, vile feeling envelops me, and I feel like I now have to dig my way out of this deep hole. And, the worst part is that it happens that way every time! I mean, come on!!, you'd think I would've learned a long time ago. But here I am, fighting the fight. I'm doing okay. I had one point a few days ago where the urge got pretty strong, it lasted for about 5 minutes. Funny thing is, the thought hit me about how crappy I'd feel when I changed my "days of sobriety" back to zero in my profile! That made me run into the kitchen and make a cup of tea...lol...disaster averted!!
Of course, addiction is pretty much my story, from an observer's point of view. I've battled addictions to everything from drugs and alcohol, to tobacco, to food, and sugar! I was once addicted to 350 mg of oxycodone a day! In my younger days, I used everything, from heroin to LSD, to coke, to copious quantities of booze and a pack and a half of cigarettes a day! And that was after smoking a couple of joints! I suppose to some, I'm just a loser who never got his s**t together, and is now fighting just another addiction. Of course, that's the world's "take". And Satan's. But, there's another take, too, and that's God's, and mine. I believe they are similar. You see, God didn't create an addict. He just watched someone run from Him into the world, and become one. He made me fearfully and wonderfully. But, I was shaped by the circumstances of my life, and my choices, to become what I became. And, without going into the nitty gritty of my sordid past, I am able to make this statement: So far, every wrong choice I made, every addiction I succumbed to that was dragging me to ruin, every bad habit that was destroying my body, my mind, and my soul...the Lord has either completely set me free from, or He has made a way for me to resist the devil, and take a righteous stand. ...So far... And, since He desires that "none should perish", and since He is "no respecter of persons", and, since He "will never leave me nor forsake me", well, I have no reason to believe that He won't come through for me in this place, as well.
So, to wrap up this little synopsis, no matter what the "world" sees, here's how I see me. I'm a fallen guy, a black-hearted sinner who has been redeemed... saved by the grace of a loving God through the sacrifice of His Son's life. I'm a guy who started out in the depths of adversity at birth, but God "had my back" even during all of those years when I didn't know Him. Then, at just the right time (I was 47) He introduced me to His Son, and holy, moly! ...I've been moving toward the Light ever since. You see, God knows where I've come from, and how far I've come, even if the world hasn't a clue! Yippee Ki-Yaye!
So thanks, guys and gals, for being there, and thanks Lord, for showing me this place where I can come and communicate with people who are experiencing what I experience. I like BG. It feels comforting. And, I like being able to talk about these things. Somehow, it feels good to get it out.
Ok, don't want to turn this into a filibuster. Like I said...34 days. Whew!! What a nice feeling.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2016 19:26:19 GMT -7
Tea? Where's the coffee!? lol I like tea also but I love coffee. Congrats on 34 days sober!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2016 19:37:35 GMT -7
Ok Since I don't technically have a specific accountability partner, I'll just use this forum to "check in" every so often.
Today makes 34 days "clean and sober". What a nice feeling. There's a lot to be said for the satisfaction of longevity over instant gratification.
It's pretty hard to understand how I can fall for that temptation, though I have time and time again. I mean, it promises this crazy ecstasy, but as soon as it's over, this disgusting, vile feeling envelops me, and I feel like I now have to dig my way out of this deep hole. And, the worst part is that it happens that way every time! I mean, come on!!, you'd think I would've learned a long time ago. But here I am, fighting the fight. I'm doing okay. I had one point a few days ago where the urge got pretty strong, it lasted for about 5 minutes. Funny thing is, the thought hit me about how crappy I'd feel when I changed my "days of sobriety" back to zero in my profile! That made me run into the kitchen and make a cup of tea...lol...disaster averted!!
Of course, addiction is pretty much my story, from an observer's point of view. I've battled addictions to everything from drugs and alcohol, to tobacco, to food, and sugar! I was once addicted to 350 mg of oxycodone a day! In my younger days, I used everything, from heroin to LSD, to coke, to copious quantities of booze and a pack and a half of cigarettes a day! And that was after smoking a couple of joints! I suppose to some, I'm just a loser who never got his s**t together, and is now fighting just another addiction. Of course, that's the world's "take". And Satan's. But, there's another take, too, and that's God's, and mine. I believe they are similar. You see, God didn't create an addict. He just watched someone run from Him into the world, and become one. He made me fearfully and wonderfully. But, I was shaped by the circumstances of my life, and my choices, to become what I became. And, without going into the nitty gritty of my sordid past, I am able to make this statement: So far, every wrong choice I made, every addiction I succumbed to that was dragging me to ruin, every bad habit that was destroying my body, my mind, and my soul...the Lord has either completely set me free from, or He has made a way for me to resist the devil, and take a righteous stand. ...So far... And, since He desires that "none should perish", and since He is "no respecter of persons", and, since He "will never leave me nor forsake me", well, I have no reason to believe that He won't come through for me in this place, as well.
So, to wrap up this little synopsis, no matter what the "world" sees, here's how I see me. I'm a fallen guy, a black-hearted sinner who has been redeemed... saved by the grace of a loving God through the sacrifice of His Son's life. I'm a guy who started out in the depths of adversity at birth, but God "had my back" even during all of those years when I didn't know Him. Then, at just the right time (I was 47) He introduced me to His Son, and holy, moly! ...I've been moving toward the Light ever since. You see, God knows where I've come from, and how far I've come, even if the world hasn't a clue! Yippee Ki-Yaye!
So thanks, guys and gals, for being there, and thanks Lord, for showing me this place where I can come and communicate with people who are experiencing what I experience. I like BG. It feels comforting. And, I like being able to talk about these things. Somehow, it feels good to get it out.
Ok, don't want to turn this into a filibuster. Like I said...34 days. Whew!! What a nice feeling.
Wonderful job on staying clean for 34 days. That is a task worth celebrating. And your entering into the Narrow Door Challlenge and changing your heart as well. Keep changing the heart and soon the actions will follow.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2016 18:15:05 GMT -7
Tea? Where's the coffee!? lol I like tea also but I love coffee. Congrats on 34 days sober! Hi Amymine712,
Sorry, I meant to respond earlier, just kinda slipped my mind. Anyway, tea is usually for afternoon, 'cause coffee too late keeps me up. But, my stimulant of choice is coffee!! Lately, we have been buying this amazing organic coffee directly from Nicaragua, Honduras, and Columbia in 5lb bags of freshly roasted beans. We grind up enough for, say, two days at a time. I like cream and sugar, so I'm buying this raw, organic heavy whipping cream and organic, raw sugar. OUCH!! My wife stops at one cup (usually). I have to fight to break away after two!!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2016 19:35:48 GMT -7
How big are your cups? Mine are 24 oz. I usually have 2 of those in the morning. lol yes lots of cream and sugar!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2016 18:00:19 GMT -7
WHOAAAA!! That's a mighty big cuppa joe, and two of 'em, no less. 'Fraid I can't keep up with ya. I'm still in the minor leagues (two 10 oz cups)!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 9:31:49 GMT -7
Still "clean". 45 days. Don't know what to make of it, except to say I'm surprised. ??
I wrote that quickly 6 hours ago. Truthfully, I'm doing well. I say I'm surprised because I'm honestly not struggling very much at this point. I'm not sure why. I don't want to raise any victory flags, and I surely don't want to walk into some kind of satanic trap. But, honestly, I just haven't felt like it. If anyone has any experience with this particular phenomenon, please advise. Thanks.
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