Unsafe relationships

Thank you for posting this. For a few weeks now, I have felt as though the situation with my husband has been escalating...to what, I don't know. Emotionally, I am a tattered mess. I have been praying, studying, clinging to God and seeking His guidance for answers.

The fact that he is not in our home makes it impossible for me to work toward any resolution or healing for myself and for my daughter. I am exhibiting the signs of damage; self doubt, fear, the sense that I am going crazy. I can function, but it is taking more and more effort.

The words he used to describe the offender fit my husband to a T. Manipulative, charming, well liked, not to mention refusing to take responsibility for anyone or ANYTHING. I need prayer today, in a major way.

This counselor is wonderful. I would recommend listening to more from him.

Case in point. My husband is here tonight, doing some work on the house. It seems as though he thinks that if he does some menial chores, it will somehow excuse him from his spiritual and fiduciary commitment to this family. The very sight of him is beginning to make me sick in my stomach, and I know what that means for me. When I reach the point that I no longer feel anything for him, the relationship is over.

I have been praying day and night for God to guide me in the right direction regarding my husband in my patience and waiting for him to repent. I truly don't believe that at this point he is ever going to be fully culpable for what he has done. That being said, I wonder if I should move forward with my initial plan which was supposed to have taken place on January 1st? I listened to a counseling session today that elaborated on denial, and the personality involved with this type of trait. My husband fits this to a tee. He neither takes responsibility for what he has done, nor for the damage his continual abandonment has done to me and to his daughter. I am very close to the point of moving on with or without him. Any thoughts?

The reconciliation video by the same guy states that for reconciliation to take place successfully there must be 1) conviction- PERSONAL conviction for the abuser, not remorse from consequences or reluctance agreement for an easier life. then 2) CONFESSION of the magnitude of the harm he has done, specifically. 3) REPENTANCE - go and SIN NO MORE and 4) if i recall correctly CONTRITION - humble acceptance that they have no rights to what previously might have been expected - no right to trust, respect, sex, affection. because it is down to them to earn that back.


without this, the situation is a distortion of Gods will for marriage, a distortion of the image bearers of God, and a deception to the outside world.

I see now there was never conviction or confession of my husbands own volition . Only my discoveries and his damage-control remorse and admissions under duress, because i had a very strong sense of not getting the truth and i would be like a terrier with a bone sometimes literally for years with certain details that I knew were being kept from me. I was always right that it was worse. (I just never knew how worse til recently)

I can see a difference now, the conviction and contrition is there, the confession part not so freely given which is a concern. The repentance i wont know until i have done lie detector tests over the next couple of years. But God has pretty much hemmed me in, first with the job my husband got which forced me to move back with him pretty much, and now with this pregnancy.

I cant answer for you but I would not like to see you go back with someone who is not convicted of the abuse he has committed against you, against the women in porn, against his own body, and against God.

Remember no decision is permanent, keeping the consequences until conviction hits is more loving than to let him continue with only a  small interruption to his comfortable life

Remember no decision is permanent, keeping the consequences until conviction hits is more loving than to let him continue with only a  small interruption to his comfortable life




I agree with everything you said, but could you elaborate on the above comment? Keeping the consequences?

I admit I have delayed enacting the boundaries because of my own personal struggle. My Dad died, the holidays came and went, then 2 more close family friends died. Meanwhile, my house needs repairs, and I need help with our daughter because I have a very demanding full time job. When does that leave time for me to grieve? My father, my lost relationship, my life as I once knew it? But now, the weight of everything is becoming too hard to bear...the responsibilities he has left me to handle alone, financially, personally, spiritually. I. Am. Worn. Out.

Thanks for the clarification, and I know nothing is permanent and NOTHING is impossible with God. I am just weary of the whole situation, and am currently researching legal separation. My husband actually walked out on us, and at one time I wanted him to come back, but not now, not as he is. He is unrepentant and more selfish than ever.

I am also fearful that he is biding his time until I make a move so he won't have to. Regardless of what he wants, I must do what is best for me and my daughter. If taking action wakes him up or dissolves the marriage, so be it. Now I am praying for guidance and direction.