Checkin' in as advised!!

Hi everyone,

I joined a few weeks ago, but haven't been back due to some personal medical problems, which, by the infinite mercy of God, are all resolved, whoopee!! So, how am I doing? Well, I'm doing okay. I have been clean for 23 days. I can't really say I'm fighting a hard battle at this point. I just haven't really felt the urge, or more truthfully, I have felt it, but it's been so slight that I've not had much trouble resisting. Not 100% sure why that is, but I suspect a few causes. First though, I must say that I surely don't want to get cocky, or take this addiction lightly. I don't want to get caught off guard, if I can help it.

But, having said that, let me relay something that happened when I came here. I found myself on the internet, really studying this problem, and reading whatever I could find (that's how I found Blazing Grace). Well, one of the things I read was written by Mike, and was said as well by other people. It was the fact that P&M is not only idolatry, but adultery. I must admit that, up until now, I had refused to accept that as fact. My reasoning was, "Hey, I'm not cheating. There's no other woman involved. No touching of other flesh. So, what's the big deal? Why is my wife acting like this really hurts? She should be grateful I'm not a cheater, like so many other guys!"

Isn't it crazy? I had read, so many times, the words of Jesus that said "lusting after a woman in your heart is already committing adultery", yet I just couldn't (or wouldn't) make that connection in my life. But, one of the things that helped me see differently was reading testimonies from other women's experiences. At some point in all of that it really hit me...my wife is terribly hurt by my actions. I'm not some "liberated" free thinker, I'm a betrayer and a selfish (you fill in the blank, lol)!

Seriously, when the realization of that hit me, I bawled like a baby. I could cry right now, if I think about it. And, frankly, the idea of hurting her ever again is enough to make me sick in the stomach. I hope to God it never happens!!

Another thing that opened my eyes was reading the testimonies of some of the woman who had been porn stars. I'll tell ya, read a couple of those, and your fantasies about some chic who just can't wait to do your bidding will fly away like sparrows when a hawk shows up, ha! ha! I mean, those woman hated it, to the point of vomiting between scenes. If that doesn't burst someone's fantasy bubble...well, you know what I'm saying.

So anyway, I'm here...to help and be helped. For any other newbies out there, I suggest reading some of Mike's articles...they're pretty good. Read some testimonies from some ex-porn stars, too. And, especially, read what kind of emotional damage we do to our wives, children, and families. 

...Setmefree