Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2016 11:27:20 GMT -7
Greetings, my screen name is Jonathan and I suffer from addiction to Pornography and Masturbation. I've been addicted for over 30 years and have been in recovery for 6 years. About 10 months ago I made a decision to join Blazing Grace and add this online support group to my arsenal.
In doing so I learned so much about myself, my addiction, and my recovery. My addiction had become my life and slowly it took over my life to the point that pornography and masturbation were all I ever lived for. I started out buying the magazines and renting the videos. This was my generation before the internet. It wasn't easy to get my hands on P and it was quite expensive back then. One had to go in search for it and go through all the emotions involved with obtaining your "fix". Being that this addiction is progressive, magazines and movies didn't cut it anymore. I moved on to the clubs where things were live. I can honestly say that I didn't solicit anyone nor have I ever had a physical encounter other than my wife.
In the end, however marriage would not cure my addiction and as the age of the internet came to be I was instantly hooked and would spend hours viewing. My wife caught me every time and I'd promise to change my habits but was powerless to do so. I had a religious background, but no real relationship with the Father back then. Eventually He brought me to my knees and I lost everything. I lost my marriage, my wife and family, my job, my home, and eventually my freedom. Addiction took it all away and I was left a shattered man.
I'm not sure if I ever fully recovered from that time but I have improved. I've gone to counseling and highly recommend it To anyone going through addiction. I've read hundreds of books on addiction and what had worked for others. Sadly I didn't find much help for a single man. Mostly the advice was directed at married men with singles being told to just abstain.
To me it sounded like we were being passed over in the advice column and I wanted more. I saught out a great church and was restored back To the Lord 6 years ago. I've asked questions, gone to classes and saught advice from both men and women on how to overcome. The conclusion in all my research? We aren't going to be miraculously cured. Overcoming is an active daily decision that I must be willing to partake in. I must change every aspect of my thinking in order to change my actions. Hopefully one day I'll get it right. I'm still trying everyday.
In doing so I learned so much about myself, my addiction, and my recovery. My addiction had become my life and slowly it took over my life to the point that pornography and masturbation were all I ever lived for. I started out buying the magazines and renting the videos. This was my generation before the internet. It wasn't easy to get my hands on P and it was quite expensive back then. One had to go in search for it and go through all the emotions involved with obtaining your "fix". Being that this addiction is progressive, magazines and movies didn't cut it anymore. I moved on to the clubs where things were live. I can honestly say that I didn't solicit anyone nor have I ever had a physical encounter other than my wife.
In the end, however marriage would not cure my addiction and as the age of the internet came to be I was instantly hooked and would spend hours viewing. My wife caught me every time and I'd promise to change my habits but was powerless to do so. I had a religious background, but no real relationship with the Father back then. Eventually He brought me to my knees and I lost everything. I lost my marriage, my wife and family, my job, my home, and eventually my freedom. Addiction took it all away and I was left a shattered man.
I'm not sure if I ever fully recovered from that time but I have improved. I've gone to counseling and highly recommend it To anyone going through addiction. I've read hundreds of books on addiction and what had worked for others. Sadly I didn't find much help for a single man. Mostly the advice was directed at married men with singles being told to just abstain.
To me it sounded like we were being passed over in the advice column and I wanted more. I saught out a great church and was restored back To the Lord 6 years ago. I've asked questions, gone to classes and saught advice from both men and women on how to overcome. The conclusion in all my research? We aren't going to be miraculously cured. Overcoming is an active daily decision that I must be willing to partake in. I must change every aspect of my thinking in order to change my actions. Hopefully one day I'll get it right. I'm still trying everyday.