Believe my husband is a sex addict

Tread carefully and be prayed up. You need to go into this intervention with calmness or it could turn ugly quickly. also do not involve a bunch of people in the intervention. Have your evidence ready. Do not let him pull you into an argument or try to take the focus off him. Addicts are good at doing both those things when confronted. Some may try to lay the blame for their addiction on someone or something else besides themselves. Be aware of that and be ready in case that happens.

I am so glad you have friends you can talk to and pray with. That is a huge help. Your gut aka the Holy Spirit is telling you something is not right. Listen to it. Do not doubt yourself. Stay strong. This is a tough battle you are in for. We are here for you and I will be praying for you.

Hi hope4us,
I wanted to chime in here as I am married to a man who struggles with sex addiction. I found out 5 years ago that he had been acting out with prostitutes and other women for years prior to my discovery of his double life. Getting guidance and support from a therapist is great - just be sure the therapist is familiar with sex addiction or addiction in general. When sex addicts are in the midst of their addiction they are well versed at manipulating people - even therapists.

I will share a few tell-tale signs that I noticed before I actually discovered smoking gun evidence - that may be helpful to think about in your own marriage. We were always tight on money despite the fact that we both worked and had well paying jobs. I was always trying to figure out where we were managing our money wrong and where it was going. I later learned he would spend a lot of cash on prostitutes and charge up normal daily living expenses on our credit card. He would also sell things like a boat he had, tools, etc, and tell me that he got less money for it than he actually did. The excess he would use on his addiction. He would spend many hours away from home on mysterious "errands". When I would question him about it, he would get angry and defensive. He also became a heavy drinker/alcoholic. Drowning out one addiction in another. He became over the course of our marriage a very angry person. Always nitpicking me - I could do nothing right. He had his cellphone and computer locked down and would not allow me access to it. He did not have much interest in spending time with his children. His focus was always somewhere else. I was always having gynecological issues and early on in our relationship contracted an STD. I assumed it was from my not living right before we were married. I never considered it was from my husband being unfaithful to me. I was very naive. It was not a pretty picture - it was a marriage made in hell, basically.

Thankfully, God intervened and when my husband left his computer on without password protection I scrolled through his emails and discovered evidence of his activities. It was earth shattering. You wouldn't think it would have been - reading what my marriage was like; however, when I was In the hellish marriage, I was always trying to see the good. Trying to do my best, trying to make it work.

Thankfully God broke my husband, shattered his life and mine along with it. It was an awful experience to go through, but we are both so thankful to God for allowing our old marriage to be pulverized. God has made a new marriage for us - I am thankfully not married to that man anymore. (I am, but he is not the same person). He is a man who struggles each day to walk the narrow path that leads to life (Matt 7). He is not perfect, but he is a new creation. It took strong boundaries, lots of therapy, support groups, persevering when things were hopeless, and most importantly seeking Christ above anything or anyone else. You can read more of our story in previous posts by clicking on my username, I think.

There is hope for healing and recovery, but your husband has to desire that himself. If you suspect he's acting out with other people, I highly recommend requiring him to do a full disclosure with a polygraph in order for you to even consider venturing down the road of recovery with him. This is done with an experienced sex addiction therapist. We did this two weeks after discovery. My husband did it - kicking and screaming the whole way, but he did it because that was my firm boundary. I needed to know what I was dealing with and it was a shocker. You will need a support group and counselor yourself to help you process grief, anger, all your emotions. It's a long, hard road - but God truly works in the hopeless situations. I truly believe with all my heart that absolutely nothing is impossible with God. Seek after Him, no matter what your husband chooses and God will make your path straight. I'll be praying for you.

Hi hope4us,
Just following up and wondering how you are doing. Let us know how things are going and know that you are being prayed for.