Looking for someone to relate

I forgot to mention tht on our honeymoon we never had sex or any intimate relationship of any kind. He didn't touch me. Once towards the end of the week I walked in on him masturbating in the shower. This was after everything was all out in the open and I thought we were suppose to be recovering. I am just looking for anyone who can relate. It makes me sick when people say they just want to feel like newlywed a again because I never had that and I know I never will. It hurts so much more because I abstained from sex because it was so important to me and I wanted it to be special. The one person who was supposed to respect and share that with me it meant nothing to. Very hard when you lose your virginity to a husband in love with the images In his head from his past

Helplesslyhurting welcome to BG. I am saddened that this sin has caused more hurting in others however I am glad you are reaching out for help, support and encouragement. How is your walk with our Father? Are you leaning on Him more or pulling away from Him? I know with me when I hurt horribly I tend to pull away from everyone including God. It is our nature to hide when we feel the most vulnerable. Do a heart check hon and be sure you are leaning on God during this very difficult season.

I too went through what you experienced on your honeymoon with my ex not able to be intimate with me. It hurts like no other.

You need to take care of yourself. Get into counseling with a licenced therapist. They are required by law to keep things confidential...at least that is true here in the USA. Not sure where you are from. Christmyanchor has given some good advice with putting down boundaries and educating yourself about this sin. There is a bunch of science out there but what is more important is the biblical aspect of this sin. Be sure to look at both sides. Christ overcame the world and we have Him living in us which gives us an advantage over this. I am praying for you and your husband.

Welcome helplesslyhurting,
So sorry for all that you are going through, but glad that you have found this forum as a place to reach out, discuss, and be encouraged.

I do not have experience with sexual anorexia in my marriage; however, I do have experience being married to a man who struggles with sex addiction. One thing I would encourage you to really consider is setting some strong boundaries in your marriage. As a wife you deserve to be loved and cherished by your husband. From what you have described, that is not happening. It sounds like you may be enduring emotional abuse as well as no sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. If your husband is fine with the way things are between you, you may need to upset the status quo to get him to seriously consider getting help for himself and making changes.
Setting firm boundaries is not easy, nor fun. It's scary, but necessary to protect yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It takes strength and relying on the Lord to help you stick to your decisions and follow through.

Have you considered joining a support group for wives of sex addicts or seeing a counselor who is familiar with addiction? Both can be very helpful with helping set boundaries, identifying behavior that is not acceptable, and helping you process your emotions and make God honoring decisions. Are there any groups/therapists available to you in a nearby city? A wives support group was invaluable to me for the first 3 years of recovery. The group really helped me work on getting strong emotionally, encouraged me to stand firm in the boundaries I had set, and was a safe place to talk about what was really going on in my life. I drove 1 1/2 hours each week to a nearby city to attend it. It was well worth the effort and time to help me keep my sanity. There is also a phone support group for wives of sex addicts (in the U.S) that a friend of mine participated in and got a lot out of. If you are interested in exploring that let me know and I can get the info on it to you. Just some options to consider.

My husband acted out with prostitutes for many years prior to my discovery of it 5 years ago. I was devastated and shocked to learn the double life he had been living. At the very beginning, I had to set a firm boundary with him that got his attention. He had to choose between expensive, intensive therapy for sex addiction or a divorce attorney. He chose the therapy which began his journey of recovery from sex addiction.

Addiction breeds self absorption, and in the midst of life as usual, most don't want help, because they are getting everything they want. There is no catalyst to change anything. Your husband has to realize he has a major problem and the only way to do that is to allow him to experience the consequences and problems that arise from his addiction. Think about what you need to be safe emotionally, physically, and spiritually to help you come up with firm boundaries, set them, and stick to them.

All that being said, there really is hope for healing and recovery. The addict and the spouse both have to be all in - and both pursuing Christ, turning from old, destructive actions and patterns and turning toward new, positive patterns and actions. It's a very long, painful road - but I can testify that God does amazing things in absolutely hopeless situations, when we fervently seek him. I will be praying for you and your husband.

Hon, please take the steps necessary to start your healing. Find a counselor. Maybe down the road you can do couples counseling with your husband but first you need to start your own healing. Men can be unaware of what a woman goes through because they think and process things differently that does not invalidate your need to heal from all this. Do what you need to do to heal without him validating this process. Take care of yourself and then look at healing your marriage.

My husband has supposedly been "sober" for almost a year now, but seems to have zero sex drive or zero interest in me. In the past year, I think we have maybe had sex once. I am wondering if anyone else experienced any similar issues? Because of his addictions in the past, I am very critical of myself thinking maybe I just cant compete with the images that turn him on. I have no reason to suspect he isn't telling the truth about quitting. His computer and phone histories are always clean. It just seems like even though the addiction is gone, nothing in our relationship has changed at all. Every free second he has is spent doing his hobbies such as hunting, fishing etc. very little time is ever spent with me. Today for example he actually started to hug me and cuddle with me when I got home from work and as soon as I tried to initiate intimacy he decided it was time to run errands. He continued to blow me off for the rest of the night researching hunting videos on his laptop and scrolling through his phone (which seems to be how most days go.) When I confronted him tonight I couldn't stop crying because my self esteem is destroyed from rejection and he sat with me awhile and then simply got up, left the room, and went to bed. I don't know how he can sleep in the other room when he knows I am in here crying and how hurt I really am by his actions, and lack of action. This is by no means the first time we have had this type of conversation. I tell him all the time that I don't feel like my needs are being met, and still nothing. There is no intimacy in our relationship which makes it very difficult for me to feel like anything other than a bud. I have even asked him before if he is gay. I just don't understand how nothing I do works and never really has. If his porn addiction is really over, how does he have zero sex drive for me? Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and what did you do about it?

I agree with hope. Do not trust what your husband says unless it is shown by positive actions. Addicts are very adept at hiding, covering up, and lying...I know because I was one and then married one. She is also right that things will probably get worse before there can be a hope of things getting better. Seek out help with counseling. Find someone you can trust to talk to and can be a sounding board for you to bounce your thoughts and feelings off of.