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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2011 17:51:47 GMT -7
If you dont mind, I like to share what seems to be my main problem, which may go against the view of the wonderful people here at this ministry.
My problem with porn seems to be now physcial dependence. I think for many the root causes are issues from their past, trouble with intimacy and things like that. I dont think I am denial, but those areas in my life are pretty stable. In fact, this might come as a shock to some but I am a licensed clincial social worker.
I dont seem to have "triggers" such as stress or anxiety or loneliness that temp me to go to porn. It is horrible to say, for me, it is just ugly physcial habit that my stupid brain and body says it needs. The physycial cravings after awhile are just horrible. I started viewing porn before I got married because everyone I knew was having sex and I wanted to have sex too, but not before marriage. Being curious about sex, I viewed porn, and bam, I was hooked. I felt it was better morally to fill my physcial need in that way, then to sleep around. I know, that is just crazy thinking.
There truly seems to be a physcial withdrawal for me, I feel shaky, I have a headache right now. I really think I messed up the hormones in my head, serotinin to be specific. I think for my situtaion, the longer I am away from porn the better for recovery as chemicals levels get back to where they should be.
I hope anyone else reading this does not get lead astray and think their situation is the same as mine, I do not want to hinder anyones recovery. Some have psycholocial depedence, others physical dependence, or both. I do not feel I have any emotional need or dependence on porn, mine seems to be purely physical. AND IT STINKS, and I am completely responsible for it, I played with fire and got burned.
Just reading your responses back to me has been such a blessing, thanks for taking the time to converse with me, you helped me through another day. Thank you Lord, sorry for taking the road You did not plan for me.
God Bless guys, have a great night and stay strong, as you helped me to.
Paul
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2011 23:17:51 GMT -7
NeedHim, good to see you are here and not isolating completely from others to talk to about it. Each of us probably has different responses to pornography but there are bound to be some shared characteristics.
As a single person with no sexual partner and unlikely to have any in the future, my problem is both a physical one as well as a mental one and I should add a spiritual one since we are spiritual beings.
I don't understand the spiritual aspect at all. I accept that there is a spiritual battle every day, although not every day is full of temptation.
Not thinking about sex helps my body not to have the physical urges. I think that with increasing discipline, it would be possible to exercise daily denial of sexual gratification in whatever shape or form until my body has got used to living completely without it. I am a long way off achieving that.
For married men it is going to be a different kind of struggle because you have to train your bodies to accept the legitimate sexual stimulation of your spouse and to shut out all other kinds, mental and physical.
I think, from that perspective, it is going to be tougher for married men to restrain themselves from thinking or acting sexually outside of that narrow context of marriage. For those married couples who hardly have any sexual intimacy, it must be most difficult. I am not saying this is applicable in your case.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2011 0:43:26 GMT -7
Why would your profession be a shock? SAA was founded by a bunch of (mostly) therapists. There are plenty of therapists in my meetings, for some of whom there are certainly FOO or other issues.
You know better than I, but I'd think that if the issue is just one of physical dependency, then getting better should be pretty easy. Get through the withdrawals, and you're good to go, no? Take a month holiday in the wilderness without any access to porn, and the problem is over?
That doesn't match my experience, though, and I certainly was in denial, so my experience doesn't translate well to yours.
Peace,
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2011 1:23:55 GMT -7
Hi guys, I think I am so lucky that I can read a lot of what you write. What I mean is some of what you write is helpful for me, I think.
Best regards
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2011 1:58:05 GMT -7
Many interestings here/ Things that might be interesting: "If attending face-to-face meetings isn't possible, then pay attention to the phone, Skype and chat meetings. The chat meetings at slaaonline.org/internationalslaaonline.org/" " When I see someone on tv for example having drug withdrawal symptoms, I feel like I can kind of relate." "Skills like that can be the fruits of work in recovery fellowships and with therapists, which is why I think work like that is so central to my recovery. It's not time and strength that makes us well. It's transformation." Especially the two last sentences. There might be a lot of other things as well. Best regards |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2011 3:55:35 GMT -7
This can be helpful:
"Being curious about sex, I viewed porn, and bam, I was hooked."
"I think, from that perspective, it is going to be tougher for married men to restrain themselves from thinking or acting sexually outside of that narrow context of marriage. For those married couples who hardly have any sexual intimacy, it must be most difficult. I am not saying this is applicable in your case."
I might easily think that everything will be so much better if/ when I marry. That might be wrong, so thanks for reminding me. It might be very good to be reminded about things. Thank you very much!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2011 8:25:55 GMT -7
That's ok Man. Glad it helps.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2011 10:18:18 GMT -7
Hi guys, are you pressing towards purity, Truth and so on?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2012 18:36:25 GMT -7
Hello All,
I have been away for 6 months since my last post, to ashamed to come back I suppose. Please forgive my selfishness. I have not looked at the responses since then and maybe I could have at least been encouraging someone else.
I feel viewing porn is a symptom of self centeredness, which I am. Focusing on others gives me less time to spend focusing on myself, which gets me in trouble.
Hope you are all doing well
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2012 7:54:04 GMT -7
Welcome back!
I'm sorry I missed your post a couple of days ago and didn't reply sooner.
Focusing on others can be important. One of the central insights of the founders of AA was that they stayed sober by helping others.
On the other hand, especially when we are having trouble ourselves, helping others can also be an excuse for not working on ourselves. If there's something within me that I'm hiding from, then it often feels safer to share with somebody else about their problems than to get really honest with myself or with anybody else about what's happening in me. I'm therefore a bit chary of Step 12, which for me has sometimes been an excuse for not working on 1-11.
Helping others is also a way to maintain a position of professional distance from them. I'm a teacher, and I like that sense of distant superiority. It's a place that feels safe to me. So it's important for me to let that down and really to show myself as I am.
You do that by coming back, even if you're ashamed. Good job. Good honesty.
Welcome back.
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2012 9:14:29 GMT -7
Hi Tim, thanks for sharing about "helping others". I find it difficult when people want to "help" me. For me that can easily be an offense that I need to protect myself against, but how to protect myself might be something I can be better at.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2012 6:17:32 GMT -7
Thanks for the experienced words, very helpful. Everyone doing OK?
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