Rules For Dating Daughters

Mr. Yoest's Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of the date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with one of my little girls, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. You might have heard about her other two sisters, but you will not look. If you make her cry, I make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are sofas, beds, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and my old Army Field Jacket - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature power tools are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, gray-headed, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a half acre behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to drift back a few years to my Army days and mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a hostile vehicle. Whenever I hear engines at night, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the weapons, probably as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Announce the perimeter password, relay in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


Have a nice time!

 

 

 

I realize you are asking a very serious question, so please don't mistake my detour out into humor for disrespect! Is your daughter dating boys that blatantly proclaim themselves to be Christians? It is SO hard to set proper boundaries with your babies when they become young adults, I know that from experience. But that's one thing I think should be stressed ... you need to date churchgoing, Christian boys. I wish I had a wonderful answer for you as a mom of a 20 yo daughter, but I'm still working on it myself. Prayers to you and your family.

You are right, Steve, about my daughter picking the wrong guys. I even gave the guy a humorous "Application to date my daughter" - hoping he'd get the message.  My daughter has strayed from her Christian faith - even though she comes from a "Christian" home.  She listens to MNM (Don't get me started on this...I don't want to hear it or see it or it is gone!) ....

 

Sometimes, it is hard for a gal to pick the right guy. I'd love to hear a women's perspective on this. Where is Captivated? You know, the gal who marries a dream...only later to find out that he is an abuser, gambler, sex addict, alcoholic, etc. Don't we all try to put the best foot forward when we are dating?

Hey, RTK.  Been praying about how to respond to this....the Lord just "happened" to have me read this post!   You know what James Dobson says.....keep your eyes all the way open concerning a prospective mate prior to marriage and half way closed after marriage....and there is some truth to this as to the test of time and of seeing a guy in how he loves all kinds of other people, as I've said here before.  If a guy wouldn't love the down and outer....or care for and respect the more unlovely and demanding people in life, then I'd wonder how he'd love a pregnant wife who feels like a beached whale...or our snotty nosed thankless children....or me when I'm old and gray......just some things to ponder.  I'd want to know this guy in as many situations as possible before getting attached or making any sort of other commitments.  This said, I know this is not always "reality" for the high school scene!!!!!

For me, I "knew" my husband had been exposed to porn prior to marriage.....even knew that it had been in his home growing up...BUT!  I so desired intimacy with a real live person....in every way......and never imagined it could be any other way....and I was so naive for so long that I really didn't understand the ramifications of it all.....and I thought the emotional wall between us was in the name of purity because we were waiting for marriage to be physically intimate!  I don't really know what my dad had in the home, but I know he'd looked at some porn, so I can't help but wonder if there were some behavioral/relational patterns I was also attracted to in my husband which are a part of the whole addict/co-addict equation.  Probably, there were.  Just something to consider here beyond the obvious stuff.  

As I read what you shared though, RTK, even though your daughter has been in these situations, I was so very glad to hear how she did draw boundaries and not give herself away!  I remember you speaking of how you do try to display affection and care to your children and this is so healthy...so valuable that amidst all of the turmoil and finding Mr. Wrong, I also heard that your daughter was strong enough in who she was...and in the love of her daddy for her....to say "no!"  .....and in what you and your wife have talked about with your daughters, it sounds like you're both really doing a wonderful job!  I guess I have two more thoughts though.

First, I'd really encourage your daughter to just ask Jesus to draw her to be in love with Him in a really radical way as never before and to expect Him to answer her....even radically!  If we are in love with our Beloved, then it does influence both our immediate desire to fall into another relationship before we're ready because we're so satisfied with Him, plus we will be blessed and drawn to godly male friendships, like that book Steve mentioned above OR we will see all men through more revealing lenses....and maybe more importantly, we'll value ourselves as women more highly, like He does.  We'll see that we are worth loving and waiting for Mr. Right for...we'll be more patient with the process of growing up....we'll begin to have Jesus' heart for this life...for the lost....the hurting....the broken and we won't want to get caught up in a relationship which would pull us down, etc......

Second, because I also have a teenage daughter and a very good friend in youth ministry with her daughter, I'm aware of a movement of young people called Battlecry for a Generation.  There is a book by Ron Luce and also a web site.  These young people are recognizing the harsh reality that they are growing up in a generation which has had perversion fire hosed into it's minds, hearts and spirits, not to mention bodies, etc...!!!!  The startling fact is, I wonder at moments if it is possible for my daughter to even find a guy NOT enmeshed in this stuff, when it has been a part of her father's history.........even if it's not now.   On the flip side, these young people are doing something to stand up and make a difference in their culture and for their future, saying ENOUGH to the junk!  They were even broadcast positively by the secular media in a rally in New England while some homosexual activists were not.  Why?  These kids portrayed the love and attitude of Christ...while the other group was mean and angry!  ...and this really spoke loudly to the press!!!  If you're interested in the resources they provide or in a local rally, you can do a search for Battle Cry for a Generation and check it out!  .....and remember, making a difference in this generation may not look "usual" or conventional...we just may need to get radical!!!!!  I'm asking the Lord, even with all that's on my plate, what He wants me to do.....so you could pray for me about this, as well!  I want to use my past and pain to make things better for my children and their generation......!

Sorry to ramble so much!:?  If there is anything I didn't "get", let me know....and if any way you'd like us to pray, let me/us know that as well!  Kids keep us on our knees....teens....I think, keep us on our faces!!!   

Blessings!
Captivated