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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 12:35:55 GMT -7
Afternoon everyone. I found this group at the suggestion of my wife to seek help from an online source. My wife found on our computer porn from awhile ago, but since this is an ongoing issue, it brought into light that I am still looking at online porn and masturbating. I am not making excuses for it, but since this back and forth has been going on for years, the possibility of truly losing my family has really hit. I've been in the cycle of thinking that I am entitled to look at what I want, when I want and not care about what my wife things due to the feelings not being there. So now, my wife has more or less stated that I can no longer have any interactions with my daughter, if I do so, not only will she inform my bosses at work of my addiction, but my family, and make so that I will never see my family again. As someone who has been brought up in a non-church environment, I have to truly confess that attaching myself to find God and confess my sins is not the easiest, but I know what I have been doing has not worked, is not going to work and something needs to change. My trying to confess my sins to God is not just for the sake of my family, but it is for myself since I feel that is the only true way to work through this addiction, handle the impulses, and find a path to direct my energies to a life that doesn't require porn, which to be honest, no longer has the appeal it did when I was young, but it seemed to be the only thing that brought any excitement, no matter how shallow and fleeting. I guess this is the first step, hopefully with a better outcome which I know will take time, thank you for your time. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 13:22:27 GMT -7
Thank you Marc for sharing. It isn't easy to bring this addiction out into the light but it has to be done in order to begin the process of overcoming it.
Have you confessed Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? Are you currently plugged into a church? Sorry for being nosy but it's hard to be able to know how to help if I am not sure where you are at currently.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 13:29:18 GMT -7
So now, my wife has more or less stated that I can no longer have any interactions with my daughter, if I dos o, not only will she inform my bosses at work of my addiction, but my family, and make so that I will never see my family again.
Marc I'm so sorry that your wife feels this way and I hope that she never makes good on her threat to expose you. I'm not really understanding why she would go public with it but perhaps she has a good reason.
I appreciate you sharing your story here and I look forward to seeing all the support headed your way. For now please tell us the best way to help you. Between all of us here we can get you "Plugged into" a church in your area, find you a local support group, suggest accountability software, get you into a phone accountability list, and pray with and for you. Just let US know.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 13:37:00 GMT -7
I am with a church, but in most cases my wife would say I am going through the motions. Since I've grown not being in a church, sometimes it feels either overwhelming, or that so many people are in place where bringing this up and talking about it would be more of an issue than help. Bare in mind, this is how I feel, I know that isn't the case, but it is hard to take that step.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 13:56:03 GMT -7
Oddly enough, I know I should be able to get support from my wife, but I am not at the point at feeling comfortable sharing my thoughts. Even though it is my problem that brought this on. I am definitely looking into phone or online accountability. As it stands, work is monitored, phone data has been turned off, and rarely used the home computer. I accessed at work since I actively searched out the loopholes. The last time I went through this before falling I did go to SA, yet my wife for some reason is adamant that do not go, saying it didn't wok the first time, the last thing you need is to be away from your family. I am truly at a loss. For those that read, yes please pray for me, I would definitely appreciate it. As I read more into the website, I will definitely be wanting to get into some sort of accountability support group. I found the accountability section of the website. Oddly enough I can only access here at work, but have to be carefully so co-workers don't rad over my shoulder. I will begin an accountability log on starting Monday.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 16:02:17 GMT -7
Marc, your wife sounds as conflicted about this addiction as you do. Check into Celebrate Recovery groups in your area. They are Christian based and cater to both husband and wife in whatever the addiction or hangup is. Some even offer programs for the children.
The men on the forums are very supportive of each other and will gladly add you to their phone support system I am sure.
You are already in my prayers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 16:44:55 GMT -7
Oddly enough, I know I should be able to get support from my wife, but I am not at the point at feeling comfortable sharing my thoughts. Even though it is my problem that brought this on. I am definitely looking into phone or online accountability. As it stands, work is monitored, phone data has been turned off, and rarely used the home computer. I accessed at work since I actively searched out the loopholes. The last time I went through this before falling I did go to SA, yet my wife for some reason is adamant that do not go, saying it didn't wok the first time, the last thing you need is to be away from your family. I am truly at a loss. For those that read, yes please pray for me, I would definitely appreciate it. As I read more into the website, I will definitely be wanting to get into some sort of accountability support group. I found the accountability section of the website. Oddly enough I can only access here at work, but have to be carefully so co-workers don't rad over my shoulder. I will begin an accountability log on starting Monday. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2015 16:50:33 GMT -7
Hi Marc
I have a similar situation as you. I have covenant eyes on my phone and computer. My wife has been very supportive after the initial shock and understanding my addiction. We work together to cutoff all access to porn. She is my AP and gets all my CE reports. I also have two men at church I meet with occasionally to share with. I have learned to prepare for war in times of peace meaning after a relapse when the guilt and shame hit I use that time of sanity to eliminate the access that led to my failure. God be with you.
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KevinesKay
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Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 18, 2015 21:25:22 GMT -7
Hey Mark,
I feel your pain. I can understand being in the same situation. I didn't like it when my wife resisted me going to my SLAA meetings. She really doesn't like me away from the family at all. But I underestimated the power that an online forum like BG could offer. I didn't give it a fair chance for a long time. I pray that God will give you resources and tools to help deal with your situation.
Lord, we pray for our brother, Mark. Give him clarity and guidance to help deal with this addiction. May he find friends and support here at BG and at church. And help him to find a good medium in which he can post on this forum. Thank you, Lord, for hearing us. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Mark, I'll PM you my phone number. I'm always looking for good phone buddies. Thank you.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 7:35:03 GMT -7
Thank you for all of your support everyone. It is still tough going, but slowly but surely we are getting there. Sunday was our anniversary, so it was the one calm point of the weekend. I received the messages and notes from everyone, again thank you. The support is overwhelming and truly appreciated. It is truly a benefit to make me realize that I am not alone and that there are others who understand.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 7:47:03 GMT -7
Happy Anniversary Mr. & Mrs. MarcD.
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