I Set My Boundaries

I did it. I set my boundaries with my husband tonight. I had been concerned all day about taking this step, but when the time came, God gave me the strength I needed it to say at all with grace, calmness and love. I told him the only way we could save this marriage was to attend a three day intensive, and he would have to seek 12 step and resume counseling immediately. His money, internet accounts and email will have to be accessible to me. No secrecy of any kind will be tolerated, and he can only return home when I feel safe and comfortable with him coming back.

He listened without a word, as I explained that my research into SA told me that this is the best recourse we have to overcome what he is battling. I told him that even now, I will fight with him to save our family, our marriage and his life. I told him that even though he may still be in denial, that he is a sex addict, and that unless he is willing to do the work necessary, he will never be free of this addiction unless he seeks real help.

Then I told him what will happen if he chooses not to seek help. I told him that he will lose not only his family, but that I will do everything in my power to see that he never has any influence over our daughter again. I told him that whether he believes it or not, that the very influence that holds him in a place of darkness and sin will carry over to our daughter. That it is a curse of sin that must be broken, and that it is his choice to make.

I told him that I would divorce him, subpoena every text, email, partner and social media account that he had used to betray me and our marriage vows and use them in a court of law to bring to light everything he has done. I told him that his employer would be contacted regarding his work phone and laptop which were used for these purposes, and that his job could be in jeopardy. I told him I would seek compensatory damages for the trauma he had placed on me and our child, and his wages would be garnished until the amount was paid in full.

He listened without a word, and I could see the wall of apathy, that has become so familiar to me, construct right before me. I told him this was not a threat, but a means of self defense that he had forced me to put in place. I told him that even now, if he were serious about saving everything that we had tried to build together, that it was within his power to save it.

I asked him if he had anything to say, and he said anything he has to say would cause a fight. I said, "A fight? There is nothing to fight about here, I am reaching out to you as a wife who loves you, and a mother who wants to see her family restored." I stepped close to him, and put my hands on each side of his face. I told him that once I was broken, lost, and black on the inside just like him. I told him how God spared my very life, and that I know the struggle that sin puts in our heart. I asked him if any other woman in his past life would still be here at this point, and he said no. I told him I am NOT like any other woman, and that God has placed me in his life for a reason. I told him the choice is up to you. I told him he has until January 1, 2016 to decide.

He turned to go and said I will talk to you later. I immediately went to my room, shut the door and hit my knees in prayer to God for him. I asked God to restore my marriage, and save my family from the horrible legacy of divorce. It is in Gods hands now, and I am at peace.