Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 9:06:46 GMT -7
 The bird is doing the splits! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 9:09:47 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 9:41:45 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 15:01:04 GMT -7
Redneck's Medical Dictionary
Artery: The study of paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Barium: What to do when patients die.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Catscan: Hunting for Kitty.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
DandC: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live long.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than the other guy.
Fibula: A small lie.
Genital: Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series: World series of military baseball.
Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Lower G.I.: Privates and Corporals.
Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: Not a doubt.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectum: **** near killed him.
Secretion: Hiding something.
Seizure: Roman emperor.
Tablet: A small table.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor: One more than one.
Urine: Opposite of you're out.
Upper G.I.: Colonels and Generals.
Varicose: Near by/close by.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 15:18:04 GMT -7
Church bloopers
1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2015 7:57:47 GMT -7
That should say VA Beach up there. Leaving in a week, yahoo.
Gonna be gone for five days.
All I want to hear are ocean waves and then read a book or two. The word "mom" will be banned for five days LOL.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2015 7:58:56 GMT -7
LOVE LOVE the blue collar comedy guys.
How do you know you're a redneck? You family wear tube tops to a wedding and everyone opens up a beer as the bride walks down the aisle.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2015 9:20:08 GMT -7
LOVE LOVE the blue collar comedy guys. How do you know you're a redneck? You family wear tube tops to a wedding and everyone opens up a beer as the bride walks down the aisle. lol I actually told my brother his red neck was showing through the other day.  |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2015 9:05:19 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2015 9:07:52 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2015 9:10:10 GMT -7
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 4:21:16 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 4:27:01 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 4:31:22 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2015 4:49:20 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
