Post by KevinesKay on Aug 29, 2015 7:24:35 GMT -7
Hello everyone,
Today, I wanted to bring up a topic for the SOs that has been on my mind and heart for quite some time now. This topic is about forgiveness. First, let me share a little bit about me.
Being the emotional anorexic that I am,forgiveness has been something that I don't have a major struggle with. I, like some people, can simply forgive and move on. Let me start with one of my experiences.
Several years ago, some robbers came into my work and held up the place. They tied up everyone, but when they got to me, they ran out of zip-ties. I got kicked in the stomach while I was laying down, and I fractured two ribs. It was crazy, and traumatic.
Here's another experience of mine.
In my early 20's, I set up an accountability group for myself to help me overcome my addiction to P and MB. This was around 1992, before I entered SAA. One of my chosen accountability partners was the designated chaplain for my gospel chorale group. He was actually a year younger than me, but hecame off as having a strong faith in God. He was very personable and seemed to value a Christ-centered life. After sharing with him my list of behaviors, my rituals, and ways in which he could help me, he preached at me for about 30 minutes saying how I need to be careful with who I share this with, how I need stop this behavior immediately, how I just needed to cast it out and move on. Then he said, “This is going to sound wrong, but I need you to trust me with this. I want you to face that wall, and pull your pants down.” I wish I had enough sense to understand that this was crossing the line, but I simply did not know what I know now. So I complied, and he proceeded to feel me up. He kept saying things like, “How does that feel?” and when I replied, “It feels awful,” he would respond with something like, “That's how you should feel when you do those things!” He mentioned that this was something he learned from church, but to not tell anyone of these things. I was pretty confused at that time, having no understanding and resources on how to deal with PA. Immediately after the experience, I actually felt hope that this would work. And then later, my senses came back to me and questioned this man's activity. Several days later, he actually showed up at my place. He asked to do the same exercise again. I started to question him about the reason for this, but he was able to manipulate me to go through it a second time. And I've looked back at that experience wondering to myself why couldn't I just say, “NO! You're immediately fired as an accountability partner. You need help more than I do.”
I want everyone to know and understand something. I forgive that robber that kicked me in the ribs. I forgive that young chaplain that took advantage of my vulnerability to get a s*x fix for himself. And I forgive myself for having poor boundaries.
There, that's it. I forgive. EasyPeesyLemonSqueezy for me. But I understand that it's not so easy for others.
Because as I look past at these events,I don't automatically regurgitate the feelings that come with the memories. To refeel those feelings would actually take a lot of effort for me. And this is something that is unlike the experience of others that I know. For many people, expecially wives, it would be nearly impossible to separate the memories from the feelings associated with them. That took me a long time to understand. Thus, this is why I feel that forgiveness can be extremely challenging for some people.
I would like to ask the forum what are some of the challenges that you face when working towards forgiveness? What have you been doing that's been working for you?
Today, I wanted to bring up a topic for the SOs that has been on my mind and heart for quite some time now. This topic is about forgiveness. First, let me share a little bit about me.
Being the emotional anorexic that I am,forgiveness has been something that I don't have a major struggle with. I, like some people, can simply forgive and move on. Let me start with one of my experiences.
Several years ago, some robbers came into my work and held up the place. They tied up everyone, but when they got to me, they ran out of zip-ties. I got kicked in the stomach while I was laying down, and I fractured two ribs. It was crazy, and traumatic.
Here's another experience of mine.
In my early 20's, I set up an accountability group for myself to help me overcome my addiction to P and MB. This was around 1992, before I entered SAA. One of my chosen accountability partners was the designated chaplain for my gospel chorale group. He was actually a year younger than me, but hecame off as having a strong faith in God. He was very personable and seemed to value a Christ-centered life. After sharing with him my list of behaviors, my rituals, and ways in which he could help me, he preached at me for about 30 minutes saying how I need to be careful with who I share this with, how I need stop this behavior immediately, how I just needed to cast it out and move on. Then he said, “This is going to sound wrong, but I need you to trust me with this. I want you to face that wall, and pull your pants down.” I wish I had enough sense to understand that this was crossing the line, but I simply did not know what I know now. So I complied, and he proceeded to feel me up. He kept saying things like, “How does that feel?” and when I replied, “It feels awful,” he would respond with something like, “That's how you should feel when you do those things!” He mentioned that this was something he learned from church, but to not tell anyone of these things. I was pretty confused at that time, having no understanding and resources on how to deal with PA. Immediately after the experience, I actually felt hope that this would work. And then later, my senses came back to me and questioned this man's activity. Several days later, he actually showed up at my place. He asked to do the same exercise again. I started to question him about the reason for this, but he was able to manipulate me to go through it a second time. And I've looked back at that experience wondering to myself why couldn't I just say, “NO! You're immediately fired as an accountability partner. You need help more than I do.”
I want everyone to know and understand something. I forgive that robber that kicked me in the ribs. I forgive that young chaplain that took advantage of my vulnerability to get a s*x fix for himself. And I forgive myself for having poor boundaries.
There, that's it. I forgive. EasyPeesyLemonSqueezy for me. But I understand that it's not so easy for others.
Because as I look past at these events,I don't automatically regurgitate the feelings that come with the memories. To refeel those feelings would actually take a lot of effort for me. And this is something that is unlike the experience of others that I know. For many people, expecially wives, it would be nearly impossible to separate the memories from the feelings associated with them. That took me a long time to understand. Thus, this is why I feel that forgiveness can be extremely challenging for some people.
I would like to ask the forum what are some of the challenges that you face when working towards forgiveness? What have you been doing that's been working for you?
