Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2015 4:14:50 GMT -7
Please pray for me and my family. I had been in bondage to secret sexual sins for almost 28 years, while being married to a beautiful christian woman and we have been married 32 years now. I grew up in a very abusive house hold and exposed to horrendous porn and other pervers things that damage my self worth and identity. I became addicted to self gratification and lust and porn by the time I was 13 years old. I then became a Christian at 18 years of age, but I believe now I just had head knowledge and not heart experience. I then married my wife and after the fourth year, I started getting into bondage to my old sexual sins that I kept secret for so long. I lived so many years with self hatred and disgust over my secret life until early this year God truly set me free. I experienced true godly sorrow and repentance and change. I confessed to my wife and we are in counseling together with a godly counselor and I meet with godly men for strength and support and am slowly healing well as my wife and family.
What I struggle with at times is this overwhelming sorrow and remorse over all the wasted years I let Satan steal from me in my sins, and sometimes I cannot even get proper sleep and have had panic attacks I never had before. I know that the Lord has cleansed me of my past, and He is transforming my heart and life, but these pangs of grief gets so bad. Please pray for me and family for God's perfect healing and power bring restoration in body, mind and spirit. God Bless
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2015 7:50:38 GMT -7
Welcome to BG TLiA! I love your screen name. Congrats on getting on the right path to sobriety and I think you did a courageous thing in that you told your wife. Unfortunately for me, I found the P and after 24 hours of denial, I had to confront him.
I hear genuine repentance and sorrow in your post.
Thank God you've found a good counselor. We've haven't found a good one so we gave up on that altogether. However, we've gotten involved with Celebrate Recovery which is a ministry for people with hurts, hangups and habits.
Thank you for opening up your heart with us and joining the BG family here. You're amongst friends who understand everything you're going through. You won't be judged here for opening up your heart about anything.
I also have panic attacks and they got so bad, my PCP sent me to a psychiatrist for Valium. They've gotten a lot better on the meds. Sometimes, I don't have to even take one now. I also have nightmares.
I understand the grief you're experiencing even though I am the offended or my hubby is the SA. I miss the 12 years we could've enjoyed while he was addicted to porn. I feel so robbed. The first 7 years of our marriage were great. So, I think it's normal what you're feeling.
I will pray for your whole family. Do you have children?
I have of course have 3 like my screen name says and they are: girl 18, boy 15 and girl 13.
Perhaps your wife would like to join us if she has the time?
Take care and God Bless.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2015 8:21:38 GMT -7
Hi welcome to BG! I am so happy you have found us. I will pray for you and your family.
I have been sober almost 8 years. What I see in your post is that Satan is trying to bog you down in your regret. God has cleansed you and forgiven you...now you need to forgive yourself. That my brother is sometimes the toughest part of this process. Realize that there is nothing that can be done about the past as long as you have apologized for it...all you can do is work on the here and now. Your family is giving you that chance. Be grateful for that and concentrate on your joy of getting out from under the bondage of your addiction.
Do not get down on yourself. You need to learn to love yourself and only God will get you there. I grew up being molested by my father so I understand. Change is always a process so be gentle with yourself and have faith...God will get you there. I speak from experience.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2015 15:19:24 GMT -7
Welcome to the Forum TLIA
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Aug 6, 2015 1:49:02 GMT -7
Dear Lord,
We pray against any feeling of condemnation and shame that TLIA is experiencing. We pray that you restore what was lost and broken. We pray that you renew his relationship with you to the right level. Bless and annointed his quiet times with You, Lord. And watch over and protect his family. Thank you for bringing him to our forum so that he can encourage the rest of us with his experience. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.
TLIA, it's good to hear from you. Please don't be a stranger.
Your brother in Christ,
Kevin
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