Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 3:20:38 GMT -7
In my intro thread I just gave a short summary of me. I am a recovered porn addict been sober 8 years and more recently a wife to a porn addict.
Growing up I was molested by my father from age of 6 months until I started my period at the age of 12. I was also molested by my maternal grandfather. I grew up Catholic but in a secular household when it came to sex. There was a lot of instability and drama because of dad's alcoholism and mental illness. No one knew about his molesting me or my sisters. That didn't come out until we were adults. As a result of all this, I grew up with the idea that I was only valued for sex and was MBing as a child. Porn and erotic stories came in when I was a teenager. I found my brother's stash and was hooked. He later told me his stash came from dad.
When I finally gave myself to Christ, He started working on my addictions. Porn was first. It's like He knew I couldn't handle giving up overeating and sweets while trying to overcome porn. I tried to do it on my own...without help or accountability but it didn't work. Tried for months with no success. God succeeded in getting through to me that I had to humble myself and tell people close to me what was going on not only for accountability but prayer support also. So I decided I wasn't going to do this halfway...I wanted to be free...I knew the only way that would happen is if I told the people I love, respect and count on...my mother and sisters. These women are true warriors in Christ and love my unconditionally. It was so humbling and embarrassing to go to them but it was the right choice for me. No other people in my life could have helped me affect and implement the change I needed to make for myself and Christ. Because I had to tell the people that really mattered to me every time I slipped, I became more determined to become stronger and more worthy of their love, respect, and acceptance. It was a hard road....a good solid year to gain enough control over myself to say no and turn from the wrong thoughts in my head. I did have to give up the internet for awhile but now I am far enough a long in my recovery that I can control what I view on it. I still limit TV and movies...TV is the worst with the inappropriate adds and freely talking about and showing sexual content.
I met my soon to be ex husband. In the early stages of our relationship I asked him about porn and told him of my history with it. He informed me it used to be a problem but he had gotten it under control. I believed him. We got married in Feb of this year. He wasn't able to perform very well and blamed it on ED. I believed him. In March I discovered inappropriate content on his phone. He blamed me saying the only way he could perform was by watching it and I wanted it too often. I set down rules and things he needed to do for me to stay. He kept putting it off blaming his work schedule. I got pregnant. Then miscarried. Husband start SA group on the phone during this. After I miscarried, he sent me to my family's saying he wouldn't have time for me because of work. I went. Came back a day early and found the place a complete disaster with evidence that he had been MBing. I asked and he finally admitted it...but was angry about it. Said he watched scenes on TV. I believed him. All this time he was supposed to get an accountability partner because I didn't work....he got mad at me spying on him. He didn't. So later that week I pulled a report and went into his history....the stuff he was viewing was hard core. I showed him what I found and tried to call his dad because I was at a loss for what to do at this point. Husband got angry and grabbed my arm to keep me from calling. He left bruises. He also went off the deep end...yelling, throwing stuff, not letting me have access to the phones. His daughter was there and she became frightened...I told her to get dressed we were leaving and husband yelled that we were thru, that I had won, and he dropped the phone and left. Needless to say I got step daughter out of there, reported it and had family come get me. I am now in the process of divorce.
There is more to my story but this gives you an overall picture. If anything I said is too graphic mods please either edit it out or tell me to edit it. Right now I don't have access to private messages so please take that into account when contacting me. Thank you!
God Bless.
Growing up I was molested by my father from age of 6 months until I started my period at the age of 12. I was also molested by my maternal grandfather. I grew up Catholic but in a secular household when it came to sex. There was a lot of instability and drama because of dad's alcoholism and mental illness. No one knew about his molesting me or my sisters. That didn't come out until we were adults. As a result of all this, I grew up with the idea that I was only valued for sex and was MBing as a child. Porn and erotic stories came in when I was a teenager. I found my brother's stash and was hooked. He later told me his stash came from dad.
When I finally gave myself to Christ, He started working on my addictions. Porn was first. It's like He knew I couldn't handle giving up overeating and sweets while trying to overcome porn. I tried to do it on my own...without help or accountability but it didn't work. Tried for months with no success. God succeeded in getting through to me that I had to humble myself and tell people close to me what was going on not only for accountability but prayer support also. So I decided I wasn't going to do this halfway...I wanted to be free...I knew the only way that would happen is if I told the people I love, respect and count on...my mother and sisters. These women are true warriors in Christ and love my unconditionally. It was so humbling and embarrassing to go to them but it was the right choice for me. No other people in my life could have helped me affect and implement the change I needed to make for myself and Christ. Because I had to tell the people that really mattered to me every time I slipped, I became more determined to become stronger and more worthy of their love, respect, and acceptance. It was a hard road....a good solid year to gain enough control over myself to say no and turn from the wrong thoughts in my head. I did have to give up the internet for awhile but now I am far enough a long in my recovery that I can control what I view on it. I still limit TV and movies...TV is the worst with the inappropriate adds and freely talking about and showing sexual content.
I met my soon to be ex husband. In the early stages of our relationship I asked him about porn and told him of my history with it. He informed me it used to be a problem but he had gotten it under control. I believed him. We got married in Feb of this year. He wasn't able to perform very well and blamed it on ED. I believed him. In March I discovered inappropriate content on his phone. He blamed me saying the only way he could perform was by watching it and I wanted it too often. I set down rules and things he needed to do for me to stay. He kept putting it off blaming his work schedule. I got pregnant. Then miscarried. Husband start SA group on the phone during this. After I miscarried, he sent me to my family's saying he wouldn't have time for me because of work. I went. Came back a day early and found the place a complete disaster with evidence that he had been MBing. I asked and he finally admitted it...but was angry about it. Said he watched scenes on TV. I believed him. All this time he was supposed to get an accountability partner because I didn't work....he got mad at me spying on him. He didn't. So later that week I pulled a report and went into his history....the stuff he was viewing was hard core. I showed him what I found and tried to call his dad because I was at a loss for what to do at this point. Husband got angry and grabbed my arm to keep me from calling. He left bruises. He also went off the deep end...yelling, throwing stuff, not letting me have access to the phones. His daughter was there and she became frightened...I told her to get dressed we were leaving and husband yelled that we were thru, that I had won, and he dropped the phone and left. Needless to say I got step daughter out of there, reported it and had family come get me. I am now in the process of divorce.
There is more to my story but this gives you an overall picture. If anything I said is too graphic mods please either edit it out or tell me to edit it. Right now I don't have access to private messages so please take that into account when contacting me. Thank you!
God Bless.