KevinesKay
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 13, 2015 3:40:39 GMT -7
I've witnessed numerous discussions about how women should dress. And I know that this can be a very sensitive topic for some. I understand that many women feel that they should be able to wear whatever they want. And they should not be held responsible if men choose to not keep custody of their eyes.
Here's little exerpt from the book "Every Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge. She mentions a story about a teen girl who took being a Christian camp counselor very seriously. She decided to stay away from boys for the time to focus on God. But her attire was questionable, and she couldn't understand why boys couldn't leave her alone. One day, an older woman said to her.
"Your actions speak louder than your words. Even though you don’t intend to dress to catch guys, they can’t avoid noticing you dressing the way you do. If you dress like a cute little plaything and present yourself as a toy, then boys will be boys and try to play with that toy!"
So I understand that some women may not be intending to attract awkward stares from men. I can even understand that a woman may wear something revealing in what is considered an appropriate setting (i.e. at the gym or at the beach).
How much attention should a woman give to what she's wearing in public in respect to other men around her?
I also understand that there are women that, at times, dress provocatively in public with a purpose to get attention from men, even if it's only for one man.
My question is why? If a woman wants to be appreciated for who she is emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, why is she making such an effort to be noticed for who she is physically?
I really don't believe that a provocatively dressed woman is out to get s*x, but I used to. And I know many men will still get that message. I heard that dressing like that gives a women a sense of power from all the attention that they get. Is that true? I'm a little confused about that one.
Power? What does that mean? The idea kind of sounds humerous to me. I can't imagine myself walking around in a bikini feeling like I'm getting all this power while people are staring at me. Sounds like exhibitionism to me. Feels more like I'm giving away my power as opposed to getting power from the people.
I would really like to know other people's thoughts about this one, particularly the women. Thank you.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2015 21:08:18 GMT -7
I feel like a lot of it is societal expectation. Women are expected to dress in a way that shows off their bodies because in secular culture the majority of their value comes from from how desirable a woman is. Even the most adamant feminists I know struggle to get away from showing off their bodies as an expression of value.
Attention is power. Turning heads is power. And for me at least, it is really hard to obtain power as a women among men
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2015 2:19:00 GMT -7
That's a great question KK.
I come from a fringe sect of Baptist (I left it 12 years ago) that some said a woman wearing pants and shorts were immodest or even an abomination to God. They didn't even believe in mixed swimming lol! Whatever. I do however wear a one piece when we go to the beach.
It took me a while to work this issue out.
I live in the hot, muggy south and we wear shorts, tank tops and flip flops to church b/c who feels like wearing a dress, nylons and dress shoes when it's over 100 degrees :cool::cool:??
However, I think women who dress that way want attention from men. I can still wear shorts and tank tops and remain modest. I never allowed my girls to wear shirts/shorts that allow their mi-drift (belly button) to show.
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KevinesKay
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Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Aug 2, 2015 11:51:09 GMT -7
Everyone,
I do appreciate the responses I've gotten to help sort out some questions of mine. Allow me to summarize what I've learned. But first, I want to start with a story.
Several years ago, I was having lunch with my mother. As we were talking, she pointed out a young woman sitting at a nearby table. My mother said, "She's being very conscientious of her looks." I looked over and saw this woman flipping her hair and reviewing her attire. She was dressed to look good.
Immediately, my mother felt bad because she had a judgmental attitude. She quickly said a prayer of repentance to God. Later on, I noticed that a guy walk in and sit at her table. This appeared to be a blind date.
The point I'm trying to make is that women dress provocatively for various reasons. And there really isn't a way for me to tell with 100% certainty why a woman is dressed the way she is simply by looking at her. But I can do one thing. There is an affirmation that I say to myself.
I accept my illness as part of the trauma of this culture and my family.
Regardless of the reason a woman is dressed, I still have a choice. I can choose to lust after her, and thus, contribute to the cultural trauma that views women as bodies to have s*x with, to encourage woman to gain attention via s*xual prowess, or upset them with my unwanted stares.
Or I can choose to maintain custody of my eyes under all circumstances even if the women around me are wearing nothing at all. In other words,
having free crack offered under my nose does not give me the excuse to take a hit.
Thank you, everyone.
KK
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2015 12:43:35 GMT -7
Very well put Kevin.
There is one other thing that men can do. They can teach their daughters that they are more than their bodies...that their worth lies within their mind, personality, their spirit and soul.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2015 12:39:04 GMT -7
Hi all.Yes Im alive. took a break from SA and all that goes with it. will update on my situation another time. This post is old I know, but struck chord with me so im bringing it to life again. I can tell you exactly why women dress this way. I have been guilty of it myself in the past. and now I guess ive reaped the paybacks ten fold with my husbands issues and all.Karma.I never exposed myself but because Im petite Ive worn clothing that was body clingy,ect. There are a few reasons. Women are starving in a Godless society to feel important to their man..maybe to men in general. Most women have daddy wounds of some sort and that's a fact. Even if we had loving fathers , maybe they just weren't spiritual leaders or they were in the background ..whatever. doesn't have to be abuse or extremes. This causes us to reach out in the ways that society values. Men "appear" to value physical appearance, sex, ...stupid things. I don't mean this in a bitter way at all. Its just satans trickery in corralling us women into this thing he has done.And we don't see that he uses us as the very weapons that drag ours and other husbands down and hurt us in the long run. its a clever little cycle. Women feel an enormous pressure to compete. to compete against fake magazine covers, the airbrushed falseness of playboy and porn women. Against 16 year old girls. I cant tell you how many times Ive sat in a public place and watched men 50 + yrs old, stare at little 15 and 16 year old girls. This never happened years and years ago. Men saw them in their tshirts and sneakers as kids. And its because of the insane sexualizing of our kids on every media thing and also in porn[women dressed in knee highs sucking on lollipos,holding teddy bears ect ect]. It truly does a number on every woman out there unless she is a rare extreme confidant in Christ woman. There is such a need to feel "as good as ,as attractive. I used to model and even I fell into that. you just cant help it. Now the worst is that some of the women who do dress like this have no clue the damage they do to other women and their marriages and some have been hurt enough in life they just don't care.. When I was in the newness of my husbands addiction I loathed going out anywhere with him because I had to be bombarded [along with him] in public with body parts everywhere. Making our life even more miserable. If men in particular would maybe step up to the plate and let women know in someway that's its just not doing what women think it is, it would help. I knew a man once that actually went up to a young girl and said to her, "Uh I don't know if you know it, but youre falling out of your shirt...looks ridiculous." She was so embarrassed [she knew she was exposing...she MEANT to for attn.]but seeing that a "man" didn't fall at her feet and actually thought it was demeaning and silly , I can guarantee you it had an effect on her . Also heard a story in an SA group of a guy who was doing really well in his recovery and was just ticked off at all of the stupid temptations and just walked up to a woman and asked" why in the world are your shorts so short? We aren't all dogs. save something for the bedroom". It may sound brazen but if women see that its not what they've been brainwashed to think,,it CAN help. good topic though kevin. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2015 16:47:18 GMT -7
BNB well put. Yes some women are brain washed by society, ads, TV, porn etc. We want to look good, to attract attention, to attract a potential mate. Who gets the attention...the women who dress sexy, scantily, provocatively. Men don't realize the effect they have on what is deemed sexy in society. If they gave attention to the woman who dressed modestly then that would be the new sexy. If men did as you said and let it be known that showing body parts was trashy not sexy, then modesty would be in instead of out.
It is about impossible to go clothes shopping if you want to maintain some modesty these days. I have a heck of a time with shirts in particular...because I am a bigger girl the designers, retailers etc. make shirts to show off the cleavage. And don't get me started on shorts! Holy cow I about want to ask women are you even wearing undies? They are so short they show off the butt cheeks. Ugh... that is all I can say. I feel for those of you that have daughters to raise...keeping them in modest clothes has to be a huge chore because finding them is about impossible.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2016 19:49:03 GMT -7
Someone please explain to me the lure of these black or multicolored yoga pants some of the young girls are wearing. Do they realize that it leaves nothing to the imagination for every curve is highlighted. It is as if she were not wearing anything at all. Please tell me young lady why you chose to put on something that hugs your body so tightly? I just don't understand how that could be comfortable. Yet it is the most popular piece of clothing among the 20 something year olds.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2016 21:42:25 GMT -7
They are actually quite comfortable. I own a couple pair. I was forced to get them by Craig. He insisted I have them for when we worked out at the gym. I just do not wear them in public any more. They do leave nothing to the imagination which to me is a bad thing. Every imperfection is revealed and lets face it the only perfect bodies belong to airbrushed models. I really have to bite my tongue when I am out shopping and see a woman in them. I so want to say... you know those look horrible on you. I have yet to see a woman that looks good in them.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 5:09:56 GMT -7
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 1, 2021 11:33:54 GMT -7
I gave up finding the answer to this question years ago. But through my own recovery, I was finally able to understand this a little better.
In the process of working on my "Nice Guy Syndrome", I've been re-familiarizing myself with the term, shame.
This is something that I thought I dealt with 25 years ago, but I was wrong. I find myself deeply impacted by this feeling that I'm a horrible, unlovable, worthless, bad person. That's toxic shame. And it comes out via my people pleasing, my humor, my emotional and social anorexia, and my sex and porn addiction.
A lot of men struggle with this toxic shame. But it's reasonable to believe that a lot of women do too.
One thing that I have not yet mentioned on BG is my attachments.
An attachment is something that I use to get people to like me and provide me validation. An example would be an NGS guy owning a very nice clean car with the purpose of impressing women. NGS guys can use many things as attachments such as money, nice clothes, and a good career.
I used to work out a lot and when my wife and I met 15 years ago, I had a very fit, muscular body. I admit that I used my body as an attachment. I would wear tight fitting shirts to help show off my physique. Even though, looking back, tight shirts weren't really in style. A lot of NGS guys use their bodies as attachments.
My point is, if men can use their body as an attachment, women can too. Not all women with low self-worth feel that they have a nice enough body to show it off, but those that feel they do will not be hesitant to use it, even if the occasion may be inappropriate.
I suspect that a increasingly large number of women in this world are using their bodies as attachments and are dressing the way they are to get validation from others as a result of the toxic shame they carry. This is subconscious. People carrying shame are not consciously aware of it. The exterior reasons for why to wear something (to impress friends, to rebel against parents, it feels good, etc.) can still be heavily rooted with this toxic shame.
Now, this does not explain every person. Nor will it explain a particular person. But it does explain this particular trend. So I cannot judge a particular person. I can only understand this process as a whole. Because of this new awareness, I'm feeling a lot more compassion towards women. And I regret that some of the responses that I made towards them were very judgemental and critical. Because the shame that we carry is not due to any fault of our own. And it's not as simple as putting a more modest garment on a woman. Such a person will find changing wardrobes to be an extremely uncomfortable process. If the toxic shame is not addressed from within, it will come out in external ways.
I believe that how people feel about themselves plays an integral role in how they choose to behave and how they choose to present themselves in how they dress.
And despite having more luxuries and freedoms then any generation before ours, I do believe that our generation still contains the most people dealing with depression, addictions, and unhealthy shame then any other. And it makes sense that not only does this brokenness impact people's actions and relationships, but it also impacts how people are presenting themselves by the way they act and dress.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2021 19:56:31 GMT -7
I think some honestly don't know
or perhaps it's summer and don't know what else can be done
or some do it purposely.
I remember Jesus said "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"
Even Lady Gaga, who I think tries to seduce men, doesn't fully know what she is doing. How can she because Satan has blinded her and the other that follow.
Jesus said "When the blind follow the blind, both will fall into a ditch"
We are seeing that.
Blind people - who are seeing but their spiritual eyes are in darkness / can't see / can't understand what they are doing.
Still I do blame people like Lady Gaga because she is trying to seduce men, she should be held accountable for her actions and others. Same for buff muscle guys who flaunt their muscles "in order" to seduce women.
Matthew 13:41 NLT
The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will remove from his Kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2021 19:38:53 GMT -7
Lady Gaga isn't a female...just fyi.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2021 19:45:49 GMT -7
so what is Lady Gaga if not a female?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2021 9:37:35 GMT -7
so what is Lady Gaga if not a female? A tranny. If you look at the underlying structure, definitely born a male. She actually admitted it on video. Wonder if I can find it...they scrub those videos quickly. Most famous females aren't females. Part of the demonic deception. |
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