Trying again

BC,

I can truly emphasize with you story.  I've acted out so much with P, MB, strip joints, prostitutes, escorts, massage parlors.  My list is long...

I can remember making those "never, forever" promises, being in tears, quoting scripture left and right, only to end up in the same gutter of s*xual acting out.  I know what it's like to feel the despair of trying to quit and nothing seeming to work.  Then, saying to myself, "What's the point!  I only have 2 days of sobriety!  I might as well get it out of my system!"  Then I'm back at it spending every waking moment I can trying to feed my insatiable fleshly desire.  I'm 44 now.  Which means I've been acting out with this sin since before you were born.

But I want you to know that there is hope.  And there are a couple of things I would start doing if I were you.

1) Some of us here keep an accountability journal.  My experience is that it helps me, a lot!  In fact, I'm not seeing any counselors or going to any support groups right now.  This is my main resource.  I'm involved in my church and I'm practicing accountability with my wife as well, but Blazing Graze is where I primarily get fed.  There is just something about me recording my progress and holding myself accountable to others on this forum.  And my brothers in the Lord offer me feedback and encouragement on my posts. 

2) There is a site called "Setting Captives Free".  A couple of us are going through it right now.  What's great about it is that it's completely free and it's in multiple languages.  The Purity Course is 60 days long.  You get assigned a mentor who offers feedback on your progress.  Let me warn you that it will challenge you to live a life of transparency and Biblical holiness.  To me if feels like I'm putting myself through a mini-treatment center experience.  Chances are, you're going to learn a lot of new tools to deal with this and will be expected to apply them in your life.  The founder of Setting Captives Free, Mike Cleveland, is also an airline pilot like yourself.

When you said:

[user=95492]BravoCharlie[/user] wrote:


Perhaps you might not believe it yet, but God is already using you right now.  Believe me.  He's using your act of courage and faith to encourage other men reading this to step out and do the same thing.  And you have stepped into an opportunity where God can do something big through you at Blazing Grace.  So I don't think that it's an accident that you ended up here.  Thank you for sharing, BravoCharlie.

There is another member of our forum from Australia.  It's Stev64.  You'll probably meet him soon enough. 

Welcome to the forum, BC.  We're glad you're here.  And please keep posting.

Your brother in Christ,

KK

Hello again,
firstly, thank you to the three of you for replying to my post with your encouraging words, I really appreciate it. Whilst I certainly don't take pleasure in reading about others who are or have been affected by similar things, it is somewhat good to know there are people out there who may understand just how brutal the addiction can be (both from the addicts' viewpoint and the other partner's). I must admit, growing up I never understood the logic behind addiction, be it smoking, drugs alcohol etc....I used to always think if you want to stop something just stop it! It's really only been in the last few years since I've realised that I myself am an addict, I have a new appreciation for those going through addiction of any sorts.
To give you and perhaps others a bit more info,I grew up in a very loving Christian household, however the subject of sex / porn / girls was never discussed. Needless to say my porn use was kept very secret, as was my attending strip bars and eventually visiting brothels in my early twenties. During school I was very career orientated, flying was my passion and so whilst girls certainly interested me, I would rather just use porn and focus on my studies. I married the girl of my dreams during my training with my current employer, and my first time ever overseas was actually my very first trip with my current job. That was six years ago. Since then, going to work has been both a blessing and a curse. I discovered very quickly that amongst a lot of crew I worked with, the wedding ring came off and it was a case of what happened on tour, stayed on tour if you get my drift. I have never attempted to make any excuses for the things I have done, and when I confessed to my family last year I made it clear that I alone am to blame for my own decisions. I just cannot believe the control it has had over me. I know exactly how it makes me feel after the event yet at the time the fleshly, worldly desires barely give it a second thought. I have never stopped believing that God will help me beat it one day and it will be for His glory, however quitting sexual immorality is so much easier said than done.
Stev64, you guessed correctly with the Airline and I live in Adelaide. Hence Rugby is something I know very little about, AFL on the other hand;)
Once again thanks for your responses, I certainly agree about the accountability and perhaps this site could help me in that regard. I have had my Pastor as my accountability partner previously, until I just started to conveniently not tell him things again. I also have lined up some christian sex addiction courses to go through. Satan has had me in bondage for too long, too easily. I plan on visiting this site often , I think it may just be what I need.

G'day Steve,
I absolutely agree with all you say. No one forced me to do what I did and do, I clearly had a choice and unfortunately in most cases chose the wrong option. I also agree that trying to beat it alone is a recipe for failure, I have tried that more times than I can remember. The number of times I told myself that even God is sick of my excuses and failure, therefore I wont pray or read the Bible again until this addiction is under control is also too many to count. A completely illogical approach however I'm sure I'm not alone in that thinking. Of course, that approach never worked. I completely agree that the struggles and sin need to be brought out into the light, light and darkness cannot co exist. For me, my work is definitely a part of the problem though I certainly don't use that as an excuse for my sin.....it just doesn't help an already bad situation. I did think about leaving flying completely last year as I seem to have far fewer temptation issues at home as compared to spending days away in hotels with of course fast internet, cable movies, no family etc. However, after much talking it over with my wife we agreed that wouldn't solve the issue and in itself would create other issues. So I've taken a part time line instead, at least until I start making some headway. I am going to start using this site as an accountability tool as KK and yourself suggests and once again, try again.
On another note, reading through some of your posts about how well you are doing with your battle is inspiring. Good on you and without sounding too corny you should be very proud and pleased with yourself. Despite what I thought was my best efforts, I have never gone a week without succumbing to the addiction in one way or another so your achievement is awesome.

Hurrah! We've got another to join the BG team!

BravoCharlie, just keep posting and keeping us informed. Keeping myself accountable to the forum for my progress has helped me tremendously. I'm just so encouraged that you're going to give this a chance. For me, progress is more than just stopping the P and MB. Because if I don't address my middle circle boundaries or doing my healthy behaviors like quiet times before the Lord, I'm making myself vulnerable to a slip or relapse. And mark my word, everyone. If I slip or relapse, or cross any of my middle circle behaviors, I'm to promptly admit that to my wife and this forum. That's a tough thing to do, but necessary for growth.

My point is to not expect instant perfection from yourself. Some people seem to get instant victory from this, but most of us do not have the same experience. I certainly haven't.

for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.
Proverbs 24:16

Whatever happens, BC, you are loved by God. And as long as you continue to move forward with your journey toward wholeness, God will honor that commitment. Even if you stumble, God will be there for you and give you His grace. But God will not show up if you quit. So keep pressing on and pressing into your relationship with Him. Thank you for sharing.

Your brother in Christ,

KK

BC,

Welcome to the board/forum. I apologize for not posting sooner, but if you have been reading here, you will see that I have had quite a lot going on in my life.

First, I want to say that you are not alone in your struggles. I see that Steve and KK have already welcomed you. I wish to do so as well. I am probably one of the older people here. I am 60 as of my last BD and for most of my life I had been involved with porn and MB. I've been married three times, divorced twice, and find myself now separated (taking time apart) from my current wife of 18 years.

In your first post you mentioned how your wife does not deserve this. You are right, she does not. I encourage you to read up on what the Lord intended for a man an wife...for the type of relationship he envisioned. I never took the time to find out and as a result, never put much effort into my marriage from a biblical sense. As a result, my actions pretty much destroyed my wife, the strong independent workman she was. I feel terrible about that and am on a course to make amends as best I can. However, I did not get to this point over night. My wife reached her limit two years ago last Feb. It has taken me this long to realize how wrong I had been thinking, how wrong I had been living, how much damage I had done. So, I am embracing our time apart as a way to help her mend. In the meantime, I continue to work on me.

By working on me, I have attended a Sex Addicts Anonomous group, I have found a Church that feels right, I have almost completed the Setting Captives Free Course and I listen to scripture on pretty much a daily basis. Most important, once I realized how wrong I had been in my walk in life, I reached the end of me and truly repented. Only when I did that and committed to righting my ship was I able to establish (for the first time in my life) a relationship with God.

Today I have a relationship with God and I know the Spirit is living in my heart. That is priceless for me and I will not allow the evil one to destroy that relationship, though I know he will certainly try. I have quit the porn, I have quit the MB, and I have no desire to return.

One suggestion I have for you is to purchase the book Every Man's Battle and read it with an open mind. It may not be for everyone, but it certainly helped me.

I also encourage you to stick with this forum, post your thoughts, read, listen, share. it really does help.

Again, welcome to the board/forum. You are not alone.

B.O.M, thank you for your honest reply. When you say you encourage me to read up and understand what it is that the Lord intended for marriage, you are spot on. I have never truly appreciated marriage for what it is, which is certainly a huge problem. When temptation came, I would block out the thoughts of my wife and never think through what I was doing to my marriage. That is one area that needs huge attention from me to have any shot at beating this.
Despite the impact that the addiction has had on your life over the years, and it seems a lot, to come out the other side and have a solid relationship with God as you say is incredibly inspiring to me personally, you should know that. It truly is never too late.
Steve, I'm glad the support is here trust me! Whilst far,far from perfect, I likewise hope to be able to support others here as you have me thus far. And well, if we can't talk about Rugby or AFL, we could always talk about the Budget 2015! Or maybe not;)