Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 6:00:41 GMT -7
I am starting this thread as a healing piece for myself. Part of my intense healing as someone who was the victim of a spouses addiction is to grieve the loss. but I titled this things I lost in the fire because things that are lost CAN be found. I am emotional in typing that sentence.
Some of the things I lost:
1]The innocent way I looked and experienced sex before. something to be constantly explored with passion, love ,silliness at times and freedom to experiment with the person in that "bubble" with you.Where no one else is allowed .
2]missing out on so much joy of my childs baby/toddler years due to the dealing with the avalanche of a spouses obsession with sex. now in their teens and those years will never happen again.They are gone
3] Seeing sweet couples walking hand in hand and never once thinking "He probably has a whole other world she knows nothing about, and look at her, she loves him so and is probably faithful".
4]Feeling so good about the fact that ive worked out my whole life , eat well ,used to model,keep my self physically together and someones going to really appreciate that someday and not take that part of me for granted.
5]Not even knowing what the word "hypervigilant" means.
6]Innocence!!!!!!
7]Going into a mall and enjoying buying something special at a certain store with the intials VS,just because it makes me feel good. Instead of not even wanting to go in because the 20 foot poster on the window looks like porn.
8]Enjoying a mall AT ALL. not seeing everbody and everything as an addicts eye candy,
9]The innocence of never knowing about the high amount of forced drugs, trafficked women, abused women and short tragic pitiful lives in porn CAUSED by the act of men enjoying to watch it, that just don't care, who choose not to see behind the acts and the make up to conceal it all. could've done without that for the rest of my life.
10]my soft naïve spirit. Although I am making that return some
11]taking people for their word
12]just being able to kiss the love of your life goodbye in the morning and think to yourself[Thank you lord, I admire that man so much]And never think another thought otherwise. That one makes me cry.
13] going to bed together at the same time at night. Such a simple thing but such a loss.
14]taking for granted things that should be innocent tools like libraries, cell phones, bank statements and even cameras, etc
15]The joy of a vacation or even a trip to see an ailing family member. Thinking its just the two of you. no distractions. a walk in the woods alone without me is just simply that, a walk in the woods.
16]Not being embarrassed.
17] The innocence of watching a dancing tv show so freely and seeing only pretty costumes and the dancing.
18] feeling strong, beautiful, smart, confident,a real catch.
19]not having flowers sent or a real conversation seem like so much ,when its really just a small thing,
20] sleeping well, sound, safe.
21] again... innocence
22] the wonderful experience of a date and the whole night having someone only have eyes for me.
23] knowing a man intimately. feeling honored at the rawness and freedom of his emotions and conversation.
24] laughter on a consistant basis........like normal people.
25]Being able to KNOW and have a common priority with a spouse in only having each other for the rest of our lives, saying innocently "CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH OF A TURN ON WE WILL BE FOR EACH OTHER IF WE NEVER EVER SEE ANOTHER NAKED BODY BUT EACH OTHERS , EVER AGAIN? if WE ONLY CONCENTRATE ON GROWING INTO EACH OTHER IN OUR LOVE MAKING? jUST THINK HOW GREAT IT WILL BE IN 20 YEARS. yes I said that.
This list will be added to ofcourse.This is just a way of me dealing and working through some therapy things as im supposed to. but I thought that others might do well in adding their list, wives most definitely. but even the men. Feel free.chime in. This stuff has robbed us all. But I myself am an overcomer. just have to go go through the process.praise God.
2] missing out on so much joy of the baby ,toddler years of my child due to dealing with the avalanche of a spouses obsession with sex. She is a teen now and those years will never happen again
3]
Some of the things I lost:
1]The innocent way I looked and experienced sex before. something to be constantly explored with passion, love ,silliness at times and freedom to experiment with the person in that "bubble" with you.Where no one else is allowed .
2]missing out on so much joy of my childs baby/toddler years due to the dealing with the avalanche of a spouses obsession with sex. now in their teens and those years will never happen again.They are gone
3] Seeing sweet couples walking hand in hand and never once thinking "He probably has a whole other world she knows nothing about, and look at her, she loves him so and is probably faithful".
4]Feeling so good about the fact that ive worked out my whole life , eat well ,used to model,keep my self physically together and someones going to really appreciate that someday and not take that part of me for granted.
5]Not even knowing what the word "hypervigilant" means.
6]Innocence!!!!!!
7]Going into a mall and enjoying buying something special at a certain store with the intials VS,just because it makes me feel good. Instead of not even wanting to go in because the 20 foot poster on the window looks like porn.
8]Enjoying a mall AT ALL. not seeing everbody and everything as an addicts eye candy,
9]The innocence of never knowing about the high amount of forced drugs, trafficked women, abused women and short tragic pitiful lives in porn CAUSED by the act of men enjoying to watch it, that just don't care, who choose not to see behind the acts and the make up to conceal it all. could've done without that for the rest of my life.
10]my soft naïve spirit. Although I am making that return some
11]taking people for their word
12]just being able to kiss the love of your life goodbye in the morning and think to yourself[Thank you lord, I admire that man so much]And never think another thought otherwise. That one makes me cry.
13] going to bed together at the same time at night. Such a simple thing but such a loss.
14]taking for granted things that should be innocent tools like libraries, cell phones, bank statements and even cameras, etc
15]The joy of a vacation or even a trip to see an ailing family member. Thinking its just the two of you. no distractions. a walk in the woods alone without me is just simply that, a walk in the woods.
16]Not being embarrassed.
17] The innocence of watching a dancing tv show so freely and seeing only pretty costumes and the dancing.
18] feeling strong, beautiful, smart, confident,a real catch.
19]not having flowers sent or a real conversation seem like so much ,when its really just a small thing,
20] sleeping well, sound, safe.
21] again... innocence
22] the wonderful experience of a date and the whole night having someone only have eyes for me.
23] knowing a man intimately. feeling honored at the rawness and freedom of his emotions and conversation.
24] laughter on a consistant basis........like normal people.
25]Being able to KNOW and have a common priority with a spouse in only having each other for the rest of our lives, saying innocently "CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH OF A TURN ON WE WILL BE FOR EACH OTHER IF WE NEVER EVER SEE ANOTHER NAKED BODY BUT EACH OTHERS , EVER AGAIN? if WE ONLY CONCENTRATE ON GROWING INTO EACH OTHER IN OUR LOVE MAKING? jUST THINK HOW GREAT IT WILL BE IN 20 YEARS. yes I said that.
This list will be added to ofcourse.This is just a way of me dealing and working through some therapy things as im supposed to. but I thought that others might do well in adding their list, wives most definitely. but even the men. Feel free.chime in. This stuff has robbed us all. But I myself am an overcomer. just have to go go through the process.praise God.
2] missing out on so much joy of the baby ,toddler years of my child due to dealing with the avalanche of a spouses obsession with sex. She is a teen now and those years will never happen again
3]
