HI, I am Joe

Hi everyone I am a lust addict. It began along time ago before i even knew what it was. Growing up i was a military child moving from city to city, during this time i had been molested by both men and women. so at an early age i had already been ensnared by the grips of lust. i was a ship with a hole in its hull that was slowly taking on water and sinking. by the age of 12 i had began using drugs and alcohol to cope with my hurt. i didnt really know how to handle anything and i was too afraid to talk to anyone about it. i went down a long dark road. i felt worthless. i had moved out of my house at 17 and began finding relationships with whom ever i could. men or women. now to allow a better understanding. with men i knew it was wrong, my heart hurt so much and the guilt so heavy know that homosexual acts is sin but i had acceptance and that was what i was seeking, it didnt last long. it was a brief period. in 2007 i went into teen challenge for my addictions. i felt the hand of God touch my life and he began to restore so many things. i graduated the program but stayed on in the extended training program and was part of the kitchen leadership. it was there that i realized that i was still under the grasps of lust. i began sneaking into the office at night and watching porn. i was caught by a student. i confessed my sin to my elders and was then sent to restoration in rochester new york. i was there for 6 months when it closed and i decided it was time to walk on my own. for a while i was doing what i was taught. but the way i left the program i was bitter  and angry. so i started building a wall and next thing i knew i was back into my old ways. i stopped going to church, i stopped hanging with my friends that walked in the light, i just stopped listening to the Spirit of God. i was on a downhill fall. i thought that if i found my long lost Father things would change, so i did and moved to michigan. i found my self doing the same things and got into trouble with the law which put me on probation, but during that time i met my wife. i know that the type of relationship we had was out of context but i fell in love with her and we got married. i thought that now that i am married i will no longer need to watch porn or masturbate. i have a wife with whom i can have sex with and not feel guilty. dont get me wrong i dont feel guilty having sex with my wife. but the grips of lust still held on hold onto me and i began watching and masturbating. i am very glad that the Lord pressed it on her to look at my phone, and see what i had been doing. yes it was very painful and i was so ashamed and she was so angry, but it was probably the best thing ever. I know that i have probably rambled so i will leave on this.
" For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light. Luke 8:17"