Fatherly Advice Being Saught

Hi Claire -

The man you're describing is one who is is/has been knee deep in sexual sin and all of the self-absorption, pride, hardness of heart, and bitterness of spirit it produces. Men in this condition who are unwilling to face the mess inside do anything they can to avoid their inner condition - which often means blaming, controlling, and even abusing their wife. Quitting the counseling and blaming you is just another sign of this.

I can understand your fear of losing him. But if he's not willing to change and get help then the life you have now will be as good as it gets, and the abuse you've describted may even get worse.

My advice would be to tell him firmly that if he doesn't change and get help that you're going to either look at, or, better, do, a separation. I don't even know if I would mention the condom at this point, because with the abusive treatment alone you can't allow your marriage to continue the way he's treating you. If the condom is bothering you, then the only way is to confront him and ask what it's about.

Do not allow him to continue to treat you like this.

I know this is hardball, but I've seen what going all in with lust does to a man and what happens once the addictive mind goes on rampage. Often the only thing that will wake men up to the seriousness of their actions when they're in that deep is painful consequences.

If he's willing to commit to going to counseling long term and stick with it then that would be a good start. He should also be in a men's accountablity group.

You also need support from other women; I hope you're not doing this alone.