Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2014 10:57:13 GMT -7
I have struggled with same sex attraction all of my life.
My female peers have been unusually cruel to me since I was a child. I was a misogynist for a while because of it.
I see 99% of men chasing women, but I don't understand why.
I understand that women offer us men friendship and companionship, and I hate to say it this way, but women seem to be illogical, emotional, and disconnected from our frame of mind.
Most of the women I know clash with me mentally, spiritually. They are unreasonably bubbly, happy. Their thoughts are different than mine. And those of the people I know. It is strange. Is this the enmity God has put between us...?
I just cannot comprehend living with a woman.
If it was not for these sexual desires, I would not be open to dating at all. That sounds so shallow when I say it. That all I want a woman for is sex.
But I have been so hurt, and continue to be hurt, even today. I do not know what to do.
I used to be terrified of living and dying alone. But now it is not so frightening, in fact, I would prefer it.
But I am one of those men who "Burns". I cannot be alone, even though I have not been intimate with another human being in sixteen years. I wish for these desires and this... pressure building up in me to not touch me any more. These God given "Desires" have become God given curses.
There is a deep longing in my heart and soul for feminine touch. The female voice singing puts me into a trance. When a woman so much as touches my skin I melt. When I get a hair cut I pretend to close my eyes because the hair could get in them. but I really close them because it feels so good to be touched.
I could go out and find someone to be intimate with, but I know that is empty.
I can see how God is working on me. On my heart. To open up to loving my fellow man, and woman.
I am thirty five years old.
My female peers have been unusually cruel to me since I was a child. I was a misogynist for a while because of it.
I see 99% of men chasing women, but I don't understand why.
I understand that women offer us men friendship and companionship, and I hate to say it this way, but women seem to be illogical, emotional, and disconnected from our frame of mind.
Most of the women I know clash with me mentally, spiritually. They are unreasonably bubbly, happy. Their thoughts are different than mine. And those of the people I know. It is strange. Is this the enmity God has put between us...?
I just cannot comprehend living with a woman.
If it was not for these sexual desires, I would not be open to dating at all. That sounds so shallow when I say it. That all I want a woman for is sex.
But I have been so hurt, and continue to be hurt, even today. I do not know what to do.
I used to be terrified of living and dying alone. But now it is not so frightening, in fact, I would prefer it.
But I am one of those men who "Burns". I cannot be alone, even though I have not been intimate with another human being in sixteen years. I wish for these desires and this... pressure building up in me to not touch me any more. These God given "Desires" have become God given curses.
There is a deep longing in my heart and soul for feminine touch. The female voice singing puts me into a trance. When a woman so much as touches my skin I melt. When I get a hair cut I pretend to close my eyes because the hair could get in them. but I really close them because it feels so good to be touched.
I could go out and find someone to be intimate with, but I know that is empty.
I can see how God is working on me. On my heart. To open up to loving my fellow man, and woman.
I am thirty five years old.