What are your triggers?

Triggers that set sin in motion begin as normal stimuli. We feel hungry, so we eat food to satiate our hunger. But we can go too far with our food intake into the sin of gluttony. Ditto thirst. We can choose to take in sufficient water to stop the effects of dehydration or we can drink alcoholic beverages to excess that actually re-dehydrate (not to mention negatively modify our judgment and behaviour). We mature into adults with normal sexual feelings but instead of expressing those normal feelings within the bounds of marriage to our partner in acts of loving tenderness, we may opt to express them in isolation (masturbation), or without restriction (multiple sex partners).

Viewing porn is but a resultant perversion of normal stimuli i.e to have sexual relations. But because it is grounded in lust without any connection to love, it is an aberration of normal sexual relations. God cannot approve any such aberration because there is no love involved -- only self indulgence; and sexual love is always grounded in giving rather than receiving. The wife gives herself to the husband; the husband gives himself to the wife. It's all about giving. Sexual triggers call us to give pleasure to our worthy recipient -- not to choose instead to gratify self or unworthy partners (whores/prostitutes) .The correct response to these triggers is to show tenderness to the wife of our youth and to keep pouring on the tenderness until it results in a natural progression to orgasmic sexual intercourse. That can take considerable time. We ought not to consider sex as a quick release mechanism. It should be cultivated with no perceived time frame in mind. If both partners are able to reach orgasm it will not prove difficult to establish a mutual yearning for sex within the bond of marriage.

Don't feel defeated or stuck in a mindset of self-condemnation. We all mess up in failing to extend love.

The fallen human nature desires only to please and serve self. Victory over self  begins (in part) with the recognition that we fall short of being consistent in the dispensing of love. But unlike the worldly unconverted, Christians have the restored capacity to love as God loves through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Fulfilling 1 Cor. 13 can only occur when we make up our minds to extend love when we don't feel like doing it. Our guiding verse in this matter must surely be Rom. 5:8 -- to love the unlovable as God does. Loving probably won't cost us our lives as it cost Jesus Christ His life.

The fact that we carry some measure of affection for our spouses should make loving them considerably easier than loving people whom we abhor. The bottom line is this : if we cannot extend tenderness to our spouse, how on earth can we ever expect to love anyone else? My wish is to be able to follow through with unfeigned, genuine love for my wife within the empowerment and understanding I have received from God. I struggle with this each and EVERY day.