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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2006 16:20:07 GMT -7
Dear friends,
I think I need to start from way back when I was young. I rather say it all than tell you people bit by bit what went wrong in my life. This is going to be long!
My father is an alcoholic. When I was 8 years old someone taught me and my friends how to mustarbate. Since that age I would masturbate reguraly. I didn't know how bad it is, but I did know I want to keep it a secret. When I got older hhmmm like 13 years of age, I heard for the first time that masturbation is a sin. From that time I wanted to quit, but I could not, it already became a habit.
Nearly everyday I would fall and get depressed about it. Later when I was about 16 years of age I started to smoke marihuana. Then I started to take LSD and finally I did LSD, marihuana, amphetamine all mixed with pornographic magazines, masturbation and music to even more stimulate the mind. My brain was a LETHAL c***taile of EVIL! I had weird experiences and I also experienced God in those times very much, so that each time I fell, God would help me out and then I would be ok for some time, but I would come back to the drugs, pornography and masturbation. This would go on for few months and the experiences would get deeper and more serious, especially the spiritual side!
Finally somehow God led me out of all this and I quit the drugs, stopped masturbating and even stopped smoking tobaco! For few years I was totally free from all that evil! A true miracle! I even joined a Neocatechumenal Community, which changed my life even more and is doing so to this day! ...BUT...a time after I joined the community I was sort of disappointed with God. Something didn't happen the way I believed and I lost purpose. I began to go to clubs with my friend and got very drunk. At the begining it was fun, but soon the alcohol would allow me to brake moral boundaries. I began to fantasiez about having sexual intercourse with demon women, however I did not mustarbate. Soon these fantasies would become more frequent and they would happen nearly everytime I would lie in bed at night. Soon I began to take Hallucinogenic mushrooms and eventually I did start to simulate masturbation, but I would not allow myself to ejaculate.
Quiet alot of time went by before I started to ejaculate and since then it became even worst, it was like breaking the last barrier that seperated me from this lust! I eventually decided to stop drinking alcohol, so I promised to Holy Mary that I will not drink for one year. But I still did take the magic mushrooms and those fantasies were the faundation of it all! I finally got to even stop the drugs by making another promise to Holy Mary Mother of God that I will, for the rest of my life never take drugs anymore! Since then 10 months have past and I have broken that promise 3 times! I did it today.
The thing is that since 19th January 2006 I am with this girl Marie-Helene from Canada. I mean we are together, but I live in London, so our relationship is on a distance at the moment. I am so DEEP in my problem!!! I really do see HOPE with Marie of being together and getting married, BUT with my problem I will destroy everything!!! I begin to realise that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life, to walk in the shadow and avoid people! I really can see myself in such a picture, because my problem has locked me up in this prison of LUST FANTASY and the worst thing is that it is IN ME!!! Since 19th Jan 2006 I was free from all the problems for 3 weeks, but I fell again and from that moment it becomes easier and easier to fall. I go to confession very often, but I am getting tired of my WHOLE LIFE!!! I know that all of this is my fault, cause I have aloud all this to happen and develop! I could have stopped at the begining phase , but I was blinded by the devil, so that this fantasy that was "some what under control" has started to control me and turn my life into HELL!!! I can manage not to masturbate if I can hold on to some HOPE, but eventually their is a weak point and I fall!!! I have to face it!
I have a psychological problem and I really don't know who can help me! I did go to some places, but they deal with people with drugs and alcohol, not sexual fantasies! You know how I feel about my life at the moment...that I have made it such a wreck, but pornography and masturbation is not really the centre of the problem, the centre of the problem are the demonic fantasies, cause those fantasies tempt me to look at porn, to masturbate and to take drugs, without the fantasy I wouldn't really bother with any of that, cause I have been through it once and I got out and now I am in it again, but at a different level, if you get what I mean!
I live in London, UK. If you know anyone who can help me, please do let me know, cause this problem is literally killing me! It has been nearly 2 years that I have been having those fantasies! I really have a beautiful vision of HOPE, but with this problem in my life this HOPE is only a DREAM that will never be realised! Help me please!
Yours sincerely
Lukasz Luniewski
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2006 0:45:52 GMT -7
Lukasz,
Welcome to the forum -- I am fairly new here as well (less than 7 days). I would spend some time perusing this site and letting things sink in -- as long as the internet isn't a problem for you! At least for me and the way I think, that has been a tremendous amount of help. I'd focus on these two for starters:
blazinggrace.org/warinthemind.htm
blazinggrace.org/theanswer.htm
It seems to me that although you are fairly serious about this girl Marie from Canada -- I would caution you to take that very, very slow -- you have a responsibility to not drag her into this as well. Think about that...hard.
Originally posted by: Lukasz
[/quote]
I would challenge you in this and say that your problem obviously has psychological symptoms, but it is DEFINITELY a spiritual problem. Take some time, right now, and read this post:
blazinggrace.org/forums/forum7/237.html
You've made a great first step -- there are many people who can help you through the academic process of defeating this, but God Himself is the only one who can cleanse you of the images, thoughts, fears, and rid you of this filth.
There are many other things you've said that need to be addressed -- I'll leave that up to some of the more versed members / leadership of this forum. Suffice it to say that you have one (1, uno, single) hope in this situation, and that is the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent and perfect God whom we serve (sometimes better than others :?) |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2006 2:08:53 GMT -7
Thanks CJ
I am serious about Marie, however we are not planing to get married at this stage. Well I must tell you that our relationship is very unique and that it is like that because of God, cause God is our Centre! By the way Marie knows about my problem and what more she knows about all those things I did in the past, such as drugs, pornography and so on. I am a very honest person and I hate to lie.
I can see God showing me a way...hmmmm but I am not sure, cause how can I be sure this is from God? So we pray with Marie each day to descern the will of God for us. If it wasn't for Holy Mary Mother of God I wouldn't have much HOPE for anything. I am very weak in my faith and I am blinded by the devil, so that it is so easy for my thoughts to wonder off and shut out God, Marie and everything that is good! As long as I have HOPE I can fight against it, but when I lose this HOPE I lose the purpose to fight!
I am very glad to have found this place. God knows I have asked Him to set me free from this slavery! He said He will crush my enemies and I believe Him!
The biggest sorrow in all this is the inability to love! It is blocking God's grace and without God's grace I cannot love! This is the saddest thing about this sexual addiction!
Yours sincerely
Lukasz Luniewski
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2006 5:48:39 GMT -7
Hey Lukasz,
Check out this website, www.nowbelieve.com by one of my friends in the UK. His email is soldierofredemption@hotmail.com. Tell him Caleb from FreshFire sent you. You can read my story here: blazinggrace.org/forums/forum7/237.html.
I'm gonna shoot straight with you. Mary, mother of Jesus, cannot help you. Only Jesus Christ can help you. You said the devil is beating you. Mary does not have power over the devil because she did not rise from the dead. Jesus died, went to hell, stripped the keys of sin, death, and hell from the devil, broke back out of hell, and came to life again. Right now you're in a hell of your own, and only one who has risen from the dead can help you. Colossians 2:8-15 says,
"8See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.
9For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. 11In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, 12having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead.
13When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 15And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross."
The devil has you believing in a hollow and deceptive philosophy regarding Mary's ability to help you because he doesn't want you to call on Jesus to help you. You need to be raised with Christ. You can't be raised out of sin by Mary. She never rose from the dead. There is but "one Mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus." 1 Tim 2:5.
Call on Jesus directly to deliver you, and you will have victory.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2006 8:41:31 GMT -7
Dear Friend,
I am not here to decern my faith regarding Mary and the faith of the Catholic Church! hehe! I believe and if you don't then that is your choice! We can only see what God opens our eyes to, however if you deliberatly block God from showing you what He wants you to see then you will not see!
As I said I am not here for this reason, though i need to correct you cause you said "Mary has no power of the devil". You must know that Christ gave authority to the Apostles over all the devils. We all have the power over the devils, cause we have this power from Christ. That is one point. Another is about traditon, philosophy and deception. Firstly belief in Mary is not a human tradition, but a sacred tradition! As for being deceived by the devil in believing in Mary, well Jesus did say simply that you will know if a tree is good or bad, by its fruits and belief in Mary has brought more good fruits than you can imagine, just seek the knowledge friend and find out for yourself.
Another thing I really don't like when people assume things. Brother I need to say this to you, cause that is how I feel about it. You tell me that I don't call on Christ! How can you know that? Just because I pray to Mary it does not leave Christ at the side, however it leads to Christ, cause Christ is at the centre and is the head of the Catholic Church. Without Christ I don't exist and neither you, so I guess this underlines the importance of Christ in my life. Actually when I pray I pray to Christ, God the Father, the Holy Spirit and Holy Mary, however the ideal prayer is in which you listen!
Yes I am deceived by the devil, but in the sin I commit! Holy Mary is my help, she comforts me just like a mother does and without Christ thier is no way I will be free from my slavery!
Anyway I am glad for your words, yet it hurts to know you reject Holy Mary Mother of God! God will open our eyes day by day!
Peace of Christ be with you
Lukasz Luniewski
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2006 11:39:45 GMT -7
Dear Lukasz,
I didn't intend to turn this into a discussion about the Roman Catholic Church. I am simply referring to Scripture in regards to your references on the subject of Mary. You are correct that Mary had power over the devil, when she was alive and lived in this world, because she believed in Jesus. But when she went to heaven she left her ability to affect this realm behind. If you can show me one scripture where Mary has the ability to help anyone in this life, I will convert to Catholicism.
I am not assuming that you do not call on Christ. I am saying you must call on Christ alone. He said, "I AM the way, the truth, and the life." John 14:6. You are worthy to go to Jesus yourself with no intermediary, according to the scripture. The devil will do anything he can to keep you from calling on Jesus alone, including getting you to call on Mary, because he knows that only the name of Jesus alone has power. That is why I referred to it as a deception.
As far as fruit, you have not overcome, so you can't say that she is helping you. Those good "comfort" feelings you get from praying to her are not helping you out of the sin. You've got to go one-on-one with Jesus.
I don't reject Mary as a great Christian lady. She certainly was, and an awesome example of obedience. Like I said before, if you can show me one scripture in the whole Bible where she has the ability to help you, I will convert to Catholicism.
I'm shooting straight with you cus I got love for you, man. I'm not trying to argue or debate with you, I'm just telling it like it is from one who has overcome. You'll have to make your choice. Are you desparate enough yet?
Peace bro,
hxcjf
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2006 12:54:14 GMT -7
The Catholic Church does not base it's belief on Scriptures alone. I know Catholics many of them and they live their lives according to the Spirit and we all pray to Mary is that the work of the devil? God leads us out of slavery slowly not immediatelly! Their is nothing magical about God and every man has to walk a journey of faith in order to trully discover God in his/her life! Just like Abraham God did not free him from his idols imadetially, he gave him a promise and told him to walk! And I am not deceived about Mary, it is you that do not see it, cause all you see is the scriptures and God is so more than the scriptures, cause God does not limit Himself to speak to man only through scriptures, but also through other men and women and through life events! Think of the Pharises, they were very knowledgable in the scriptures, yet they did not recognise the Messiaha! Another point is that the Catholic church is the oldest of all the Christian churches! Now God created Adam and Eve and though they have sinned he did not say "I will destroy Adam and Eve and make myself new people, cause these people messed up my beautiful plan", instead God had an alternative plan. It is the same with the Catholic Church, however man has his own mind and own thoughts, so some people stepped away from the Catholic Faith and even later many more different churches have arisen and some which are against the Catholic Church and its beliefs! Yet God works in all of these churches, though the division between us! Do you assume that throughout the houndreds of years the Catholic Church was basically the Church of Satan and all its members regardless of how they imitated Jesus went to HELL! Is that right? Look at some great saints such as Padre Pio, he had many special gifts from God, also the stigmata! Are you gonna be like the phariseases who say oh it is the work of the devil? It really does not make sense and how is it possible for a deceived Catholic Church to produce such saints? Think about Maximilian Colbe he traded his own life for a person in the Concetration Camp during the 2nd World War! Are these the fruits of the devil and he was a Roman Catholic and Polish aswell like me  Dear brother, what are the scriptures if they remain a word on a piece of paper? If this word those not become flesh then it is good for nothing! It becomes flesh when you see it in the works!
We can carry on like that forever you telling me that I am deceived and me telling you that I am not and where is that going to get us? I say let God enlighten us in this matter! Let us pray to Him what He has to say about it! I believe that it is fair for both of us, even though the main issue on this site should be about sexual problems. Peace of Christ be with you Lukasz Luniewski
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2006 20:31:14 GMT -7
Catholics do not believe that Mary herself will do anything for us but pray. Intercession of saints is how it is put in the church cannon. Certainly people who were saved and have eternal life can still pray. People who are saved and die can see the face of God, all christians believe this. So lets stop arguing over fine points of faith that really don't matter too much. If we make it to Heaven then we'll know all the answers and have a good laugh over it. These rifts between christian churches make me nutty. We believe the same thing! We have differences in our approaches to fellowship, not to God or the power of Jesus and his sacrifice.
Lukasz, I'll tell you one technique that my therapist gave me to help out with intrusive thoughts. Put a rubber band around your wrist. The minute one starts, snap your wrist with the rubber band hard enough to hurt. This will help you retrain your brain. It takes a while but it does help. Also, do not masturbate at all. You might stumble at first, forgive yourself and move on. Eventually you will be able to do it.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2006 11:21:19 GMT -7
I really admire you Matt! All this reading and you managed to the bottom of all the post.
I thank God for people like you, cause I agree with you 100% to what you said about Christians. The two most important signs are Love and Unity. We are all one body in Christ.
As for the rubber band...hhmmmm I need to get hold of one. Actually I did not masturbate for the past week, however I am really tempted to get drugs and masturbate after. It seems like the devil has many strategies to temp me, so now masturbation alone is not much of a temptation for me, so I don't do it, but I am really tempted to get my hands on some hallucinogenic drugs. I even thought about how to produce them.
Sometimes I think that their is two of me. One that wants to be good and holy and to love and respect and cherish and the other guy is the guy that wants pleasure, fantasies, get away from reality, forget about God and walk a different path than Jesus has for me! I really don't know who am I, I used to be more sensitive, but these sexual fantasies make me more seperated from the healthy emotions and feelings.
The good thing is I found some help. Their is this person very experienced in the areas of addictions and he's a Christian. Actually one of the preists told me to contact him, but it took me about a year to get to meet him. I was very glad, he told me quiet alot of valuable things and lately send me contacts to 12-step program meetings for Narcotics Anonymous and Sexoholics Anonymous, he also gave me a contact to this place were christians pray over other Christians for healing.
Pray for me guys cause I can see a small ligth, but I also see a dark figure from the corner of my eye tempting me to look away.
Coming back to the rubber band thing...I think in my case is a bit difficult, cause my problem is more broader, meaning that their might be a priod that I will masturbate like once a day or two days, but my temptations change from one area to another, so sometimes it is more sexual and sometimes it is concerned with taking drugs, which always leads to masturbation and sexual fantasies. Seems like as long as my motivation is focused on the drugs pathway I don't masturbate cause I want to do it when I get the drugs. In a way this means I can be free from masturbation for a week, but then I will fall pretty hard once I get the drugs!
Also my girlfriend is a big influence to stop me having these fantasies and masturbation and drugs and all. We pray everyday over the net or the phone. If we go back to the vision of me seeing the light and the devil being the person in the corner of my eye, then my girlfriend Marie is the one holding my hand, which is pulling me towards the light gently! Thanks be to God.
Oh Matt I want to thank you personally cause I was sort of discouraged with the whole website and the posting after having this Christian Faith discussion. I thought to myself I came here to find some help and place where I can always get some inspiration, support and most of all awareness that I have a problem that needs to be dealt with and that I am NOT ALONE with it! God bless you Matt and all that have posted here!
Yours sincerely
Lukasz Luniewski
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2006 19:41:35 GMT -7
Glad to be able to help someone not feel so alone. You have a difficult path ahead of you. One that I watch my wife tread everyday. Your priest was right, a twelve step program will help you. I will warn you about one thing with them that I have noticed, some people trade addiction to sex,drugs, alcohol or whatever for an addiction to a twelve step program. Don't do that. The only addiction that is healthy is to be addicted to God and following his ways. Steady, consistent faith is what will do the trick. If you remember that God loves you (even while you're in an active addiction cycle) then do all the work that you can to fix your addictions, you will find peace. Treat yourself well. Prayer and sacraments will help you feel closer to God. But you are a human and you will make mistakes. God knows and loves you anyway. You don't need a woman to be happy and you don't need fantasy (masturbation) to be happy. You need God and your sincere best effort and honesty to be happy. I guess what I am trying to say is pursue balance. This addiction is not who you are. It is a little tool the devil uses to try and seperate you from God. Guess what, God won't quit even if you do, so all you have to do is not quit. I am a soldier in the American Army. That is one thing they drill into soldiers from day one "I will never quit" That attitude has won more battles than you can imagine. When the Nazis were bombing London and Britain stood all alone against them they were overwhelmed. There was little doubt that Britain could not defeat the Nazis alone. But your forefathers DID NOT QUIT. God intervened and the tide changed. Have some faith, you'll win too if you seek knowledge, God and refuse to quit.
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