Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2012 9:18:19 GMT -7
So, I was talking to my partner the last day and I said that if I didn't have the kids I would be gone by now. But then I realised that I wouldn't swap them for this pain that I am going through and this was worth having them. So there and then I decided that I am going to do my best to be a good co-parent with this man and not let this terrible thing get in the way of us being good parents. I have completely put us down to the bottom of my priorities.
In doing this I have also given up my right and want to have an intimate sex life which was incredibly important to me. This is the thing that was holding me back, because I was constantly thinking 'how can I let him or any man go near me again. But I want to be loved and touched and be intimate'. It was HUGELY important to me in a relationship. I wouldve given 50 percent to that and 50 percent to us getting on. I think I've got to know him fairly well now but could never get over the grief of losing that part of us. Now this is down at the bottom of my list and everything seems more peaceful. We are getting on relatively well and back to being friends. I've told him sex is completely not on the agenda and he agreed because anytime we did it, it caused all the flashbacks and kept putting me back to day 1, which in turn caused me to be resenting him for stealing what I cherished and so on.
I do realise that I may have to revisit this in the future but not for a loooong time. So what ever he does is on him and will have no effect on me because now we are just friends who do a great job at being parents. Technically not a 'relationship' but I'll give that up to be good parents.
Hopefully this will last and I won't be dragged back into all the negative thoughts that replay over and over and over. Fingers crossed.
In doing this I have also given up my right and want to have an intimate sex life which was incredibly important to me. This is the thing that was holding me back, because I was constantly thinking 'how can I let him or any man go near me again. But I want to be loved and touched and be intimate'. It was HUGELY important to me in a relationship. I wouldve given 50 percent to that and 50 percent to us getting on. I think I've got to know him fairly well now but could never get over the grief of losing that part of us. Now this is down at the bottom of my list and everything seems more peaceful. We are getting on relatively well and back to being friends. I've told him sex is completely not on the agenda and he agreed because anytime we did it, it caused all the flashbacks and kept putting me back to day 1, which in turn caused me to be resenting him for stealing what I cherished and so on.
I do realise that I may have to revisit this in the future but not for a loooong time. So what ever he does is on him and will have no effect on me because now we are just friends who do a great job at being parents. Technically not a 'relationship' but I'll give that up to be good parents.
Hopefully this will last and I won't be dragged back into all the negative thoughts that replay over and over and over. Fingers crossed.
