Three years ago today...........

Dear LadyP,

Anniversaries are hard, very hard initially. My 25th wedding anniversary was 22 months post discovery. That was a very hard day. My mother threw a party for us. Everyone was so joyful, happy, and all I wanted to do was hide and throw up. That was a terrible day.

When anniversaries roll around, I acknowledge them, but I try not to dwell on what might have been or should have been. I acknowledge to myself that he is a jerk (or worse), and then I follow that closely with a positive affirmation: "I alone am responsible for my happiness. If it is to be, it's up to me. FORWARD HO GIRLFRIEND!"

I talk to myself now as I would talk to a friend who was going through a rough time. I encourage myself as I would encourage another. That is a distinct change. I don't look for encouragement from him. I know I'll never get it. On the contrary, I now realize that he did everything he could to sabotage me and my self-esteem. I do my best to ignore him.

Make yourself happy. Do your best everyday to move yourself forward. The Japanese have a concept called "kaizen." I've heard different definitions of the word, but the one I embrace is "tiny steps forward everyday." I have the characters printed out and the English translation framed and placed opposite of my desk. I look at it every day, all day. Count each day that you take a tiny step forward as a good day.

One simple thing that really helped me to feel a sense of accomplishment is making to-do lists and crossing items off as I accomplish each step. As women, I think we do so many things for other people throughout the day that it is easy to lose track of how you spent your day. At the end of the day, you're exhausted but you can't name one thing that you did. It helps me to keep track of everything I do all day, write it down, and review it at the end of the day. It also helps me to organize myself for the next day. I started doing this when I started taking the prozac because it interferes with short term memory. I needed to make lists to accomplish anything. In the end it helped me to feel better about myself and my day because my accomplishments became a bit more tangible. I hope this suggestion helps you too.

Give yourself encouragement........FORWARD HO GIRLFRIEND!

All the best, DW