I have said sorry and demonstrated I am on the right track

Hi Chris,

Every situation is different, despite similarities.  Our marriage had been good overall, with busyness with children and life, without intentional maintenance resulting in a disconnect that drew my husband back toward his teenage refuge.  There was not physical betrayal involved.  Those factors, in conjunction with my own personality and where I was spiritually at the time may have made for more rapid healing in our relationship.  Healing would not have been possible, however, if he had not exhibited trustworthy behavior, and/or I refused to choose to forgive, and act on that choice before my feelings were in complete alignment with it.

Trusting again is a tremendous risk, and some people are more willing to take that risk than others.  God calls on you to live in purity and faithfulness, as Christ loves the church, regardless of whether or not your wife responds with forgiveness and trust.  If she does not, for whatever length of time, that will heighten your need to draw near to Jesus, who promises to stick closer than a brother.  And never stop praying for yourself or your wife!

TruthSeeker

Chris,

Has your wife joined this board? If not what kind of support does she get or is she going it alone?

I am glad to read this latest good news, UKChris.

From the perspective of having done so much wrong, sorry is not a big enough word.

Understanding how my wife as the "wronged" partner feels is a good plan.

It took a long time for the impact of what I had done to sink in and for me to connect with my soul and really feel the guilt and then remorse. In my case the consequential guilt of my actions triggered depression and brought me to my knees.

I personally feel that if you are sorry, you feel remorse and guilt for your actions.

What word can you use if you are genuinely remorseful for past actions for which sorry is probably not nearly enough?

Or is the next stage understanding and empathising?

Chris

It was not one slip, it was a catalogue of slips over many years documented elsewhere on this forum last year.

Everything she thought she knew about us, our marriage, every moment of happiness and love was cast in doubt.

Every thought she had about my religious convictions was cast aside, as I was a liar, a cheat and had broken my marriage vows, broken most of the Commandments and with so much arrogance and pride had only looked after myself.

I now know my wife is an amazing woman who despite what I did to her shows amazing grace and fortitude. Yes she get's angry and really upset, but all the while she steers me to improve, get better and become a loving, supportive and caring father and husband.

Dear Struggling, welcome and there is not a wrong or right way… so please feel free to share all that you feel.  When you said you are into this for 3 years are you talking about your marriage or trying to heal your marriage?  My husband and I have been working on our marriage for years.  We found that God works with each of us in his own time.  God had to work with each of us; some things took longer than others.  Some of us see what God is telling us quicker, and some take a while.  (me).  I had to deal with some old hurts before I could see and trust that I was lovable…  I had to first believe above all – the Lord loved me.   Do you know the Lord loves you?

thankyou, yes I do, it is the only reason I stayed after finding out about the porn and its content and the affair and the bullying and belting me up till I went to the police and he was arrested. from what I can gather the violence often comes from porn.He was sorry but didnt understand what it all did to me, the porn continued with his denial.  when just before this christmas I found emails from women with disgusting content  I rang my pastor who has been supporting us through this telling him I cant do this any more.the 3 of us talked and now I believe he doesnt do it any more. my brick walls are still high waiting for it to happen again. just the last week he has been noticing me as a person, a woman, this gives me hope but Im scared to let myself love him properly again as I dont want to hurt again, will I ever feel my body is good enough for him again? we have sex but he doesnt make love to me. I want to be loved and I want to be able to trust him that all he wants is me, can he do that after what he has seen and done? cheers struggling