Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2012 15:57:04 GMT -7
I believe I have finally gotten stuck in a (feels like) never ending flatness. Sure I have my moments where I can't deny DEEP pain any longer and it comes out. But all in all I have been very numb lately. I have spoken to my Dr the last couple months about this and finally spoke to my husband about this.
Just wandering about any input here. From both sides.
I am stuck in a rut. I still love my partner very deeply but I have to admit I just can't understand why these disease carrying lady's who want drugs for sex have been the better choice for him for ANYTHING over than me. I told him about it and all I hear is it wasn't them it was the sex...(oh yah, thats right sex with his wife was the last acceptable thing earth right... and should that answer make me feel better in his mind? Wow) and he says he didn't really choose them over me as a 1st choice but rather "in spite of me. This one isn't passing, nothing helps and I cannot allow myself to be second choice s**t to these women and it is seriously affecting us. I am now stuck as some last ranking who knows what?? He says no, but I have to say, it isn't helping. He can say I was always his first choice but I know the truth and I was FAR FAR FAAAAR from any first choice. He doesn't get it. I can't help it, it is just how I feel. And it sucks and I am empty and lonely and full of sorrow. I wander if there is a way to help him "get it" AND curious to know just how many people think my feelings in this are just ridiculous?? Am I just depressed and not thinking logically?
Also, in this numbness I find nothing but a quiet deep sorrow in everything, , especially when I look at him, and I talk to my spouse alot less now because I feel nothing matters in the end anyhow. Does this sound abnormal to anyone?
Just wandering about any input here. From both sides.
I am stuck in a rut. I still love my partner very deeply but I have to admit I just can't understand why these disease carrying lady's who want drugs for sex have been the better choice for him for ANYTHING over than me. I told him about it and all I hear is it wasn't them it was the sex...(oh yah, thats right sex with his wife was the last acceptable thing earth right... and should that answer make me feel better in his mind? Wow) and he says he didn't really choose them over me as a 1st choice but rather "in spite of me. This one isn't passing, nothing helps and I cannot allow myself to be second choice s**t to these women and it is seriously affecting us. I am now stuck as some last ranking who knows what?? He says no, but I have to say, it isn't helping. He can say I was always his first choice but I know the truth and I was FAR FAR FAAAAR from any first choice. He doesn't get it. I can't help it, it is just how I feel. And it sucks and I am empty and lonely and full of sorrow. I wander if there is a way to help him "get it" AND curious to know just how many people think my feelings in this are just ridiculous?? Am I just depressed and not thinking logically?
Also, in this numbness I find nothing but a quiet deep sorrow in everything, , especially when I look at him, and I talk to my spouse alot less now because I feel nothing matters in the end anyhow. Does this sound abnormal to anyone?