Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2012 6:27:57 GMT -7
When I was around the age of 5 or 6 I had collected some women's undergarment magazines I brought em to school to show with a friend and he thought they were cool. My mom eventually saw me stuffing them in my backpack and well I felt so ashamed I said to myself I would never look at those magazines again. So after that things went well since I never looked at magazine's until puberty hit then I felt urges I had never felt before even though I never read the bible it had been instilled in me that sex outside marriage was wrong. I ended up saying in my heart to god that I will look after women for a while to satisfy me because I burned with passion.
Only after I stopped lusting after women did I feel great guilt and wet dreams. If you ask me a wet dream is the release of the build up of sperm from the testicles I compare it to milking a cow for milk every day the breast constantly produce milk. So like when you stop it is extremely painful for the cow since her breast become filled with milk ready to burst. Only problem is when you stop masturbation the body still releases it for you in dreams and you are back to square one with the build up pain in your body. I guess my question is will wet dreams ever go away and what is the way to cope with burning passion that god would find except able.
After I got trapped by wet dreams and burning passion due to puberty my only thought was to turn to god completely to get rid of the problem. Unforntunaly I said to myself I will please god by questioning everything I do before I do it for to find weather it is a sin or not. I question weather I could take the next step while I walked. This lead to me thinking it was a sin for me not to question every possible aspect/action of my life before I did it. I ended up going insane I would walk 2 steps than stop and have to ponder about taking the next as to weather it was a a sin or not. This was the same with my hands or any action I took so it was like that song freeze frame for me everyday for years this lead to a burning headache that never went away until I could try to find sleep which I thought was my only escapee. Finally I asked god to help me stop thinking about everything I did before I did it for fear of sin only problem is I had not Idea what constituted for sin so I became trapped in that and had to slowly work out of it. As i was trapped in thinking every possible action or movement that i did could possible be a sin for fear of hell i had to constantly ask god to forgive me of my sins I did it about every five minutes I still today am not sure that if when I actually sin before god and within that space of time it takes for me to ask for forgiveness that i have not, if i die will i not go to hell? Basically what does it require you to fall from grace and how immediate is it between sins and askign for forgiveness?
Today I am 22 years old I do not freeze frame at all when walking. I've worked allot of things out with god and I still deal with the issue of porn which until recently I though was ok Due to the fact that concubines existed in the bible for men of god such as Solomon and king David to have for sexual entertainment. I concluded any women I pictured or saw could be my concubine for a time for me and that is why I masturbated to them. What helped me to consider what is was doing this was watching a Glen Beck program on it how he and a Rabbi talk about the ancient god called BAAL I wanted to make shure I was not worshipping BAAL at all it stagers me to realize how many people this day are still worshipping him. Here are the links to you tube if you want to see what I watched, part one link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEob7Qfmk3o
part two:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPczwBtAKxI
part three:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K8YIrzHY2g
part four:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-UXafh5VWo&feature=related
part five: www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE34jt9T9qs&feature=related
part six:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os9jKO01ajg&feature=related
I have allot of questions and I hope you guys through this forum can help me answer all of them and become a better person because I want to think saine and be saine and be filled with wisdom that only can come from god. I am sorry about my bad grammar.
Only after I stopped lusting after women did I feel great guilt and wet dreams. If you ask me a wet dream is the release of the build up of sperm from the testicles I compare it to milking a cow for milk every day the breast constantly produce milk. So like when you stop it is extremely painful for the cow since her breast become filled with milk ready to burst. Only problem is when you stop masturbation the body still releases it for you in dreams and you are back to square one with the build up pain in your body. I guess my question is will wet dreams ever go away and what is the way to cope with burning passion that god would find except able.
After I got trapped by wet dreams and burning passion due to puberty my only thought was to turn to god completely to get rid of the problem. Unforntunaly I said to myself I will please god by questioning everything I do before I do it for to find weather it is a sin or not. I question weather I could take the next step while I walked. This lead to me thinking it was a sin for me not to question every possible aspect/action of my life before I did it. I ended up going insane I would walk 2 steps than stop and have to ponder about taking the next as to weather it was a a sin or not. This was the same with my hands or any action I took so it was like that song freeze frame for me everyday for years this lead to a burning headache that never went away until I could try to find sleep which I thought was my only escapee. Finally I asked god to help me stop thinking about everything I did before I did it for fear of sin only problem is I had not Idea what constituted for sin so I became trapped in that and had to slowly work out of it. As i was trapped in thinking every possible action or movement that i did could possible be a sin for fear of hell i had to constantly ask god to forgive me of my sins I did it about every five minutes I still today am not sure that if when I actually sin before god and within that space of time it takes for me to ask for forgiveness that i have not, if i die will i not go to hell? Basically what does it require you to fall from grace and how immediate is it between sins and askign for forgiveness?
Today I am 22 years old I do not freeze frame at all when walking. I've worked allot of things out with god and I still deal with the issue of porn which until recently I though was ok Due to the fact that concubines existed in the bible for men of god such as Solomon and king David to have for sexual entertainment. I concluded any women I pictured or saw could be my concubine for a time for me and that is why I masturbated to them. What helped me to consider what is was doing this was watching a Glen Beck program on it how he and a Rabbi talk about the ancient god called BAAL I wanted to make shure I was not worshipping BAAL at all it stagers me to realize how many people this day are still worshipping him. Here are the links to you tube if you want to see what I watched, part one link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEob7Qfmk3o
part two:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPczwBtAKxI
part three:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K8YIrzHY2g
part four:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-UXafh5VWo&feature=related
part five: www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE34jt9T9qs&feature=related
part six:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os9jKO01ajg&feature=related
I have allot of questions and I hope you guys through this forum can help me answer all of them and become a better person because I want to think saine and be saine and be filled with wisdom that only can come from god. I am sorry about my bad grammar.