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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2011 7:00:55 GMT -7
So its been about a week and a half since I kicked my husband out. I've been to see a therapist... he has as well... I have felt so lonely over this time frame. I just wished that part of our marriage could come back... I missed my husband, I missed feeling secure with him. So we've been shopping the last few days for Christmas for our kids... and today we ended up having sex. It felt perfect in every way but now I can't shake this feeling that my whole world is about to be turned upside down. I knew going into it that we were not getting back together yet and I knew that we have a long ways to go before there is a possibility of even considering to work things out. But sex got in the way again like it does everytime this happens. I can't just move on with my life now... Too much has happened. I love being intimate with my husband but I cant shake this horrible feeling....
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2011 16:58:16 GMT -7
Hi,
These guys use sex to control or manipulate, and they are more.than likely using us as they.cinjure up fantasies in their head during sex.
Dont fall.for it, have more respect.for yourself. Sex does bot replace love loyalty and intimacy.
Avow to.stay.celibate until he.is in deep.rexovery.like.some of the.men on this site.or you will never make.any changes in your.life.
Good luck!
N2bfree
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2011 14:46:25 GMT -7
GP4M,
I have to say that a week and half is not that long for any type of healing on either of the partners part. When I got back from my second deployment in Kuwait, I did things there that I am not proud of. My wife found out about it and I begged, pleaded and asked her for forgiveness. She didn't forgive me and didn't kick me out. I stayed in the office sleeping on a cot for 3 months. During that time we saw a councelor, I went to group meetings and Celebrate Recovery. We started talking again, going out on dates and learning about each other like it was when we first started dating. I never made the move but when she did, I was so happy to lay with her again and make love to her and I thank God for it.
But and yes there is a but, I never commited myself to the recovery of no porn or self gratification. You see even though I was in the office and away from my wife, I still had access to the computer and my DVD collection of porn that I got while over seas. In my mind, I felt like if I am not going to get any from my wife, then I will do it myself. And it was easy because I have been doing it since I was 11. I put up a front and fooled everyone to believe I was changing and I had control of my choice (addiction). I know now that when I thank God for letting me make love to my wife again, I just spat in his face and said, see what I can do without you. And he let me do it because he gave us free choice. But here I am again, years later trying to undo and make right now the choices I made then. And this time I am fully commited to doing God's will and be that righteous man that he has know me to be.
Matthew 26:41“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.â€
My spirit wanted to come out and take over my life those many years ago. But I didn't want it to because of what I thought I was going to lose. Porn is a powerful choice (addiction) and my flesh wanted it and didn't care how or who it hurt to get it.
I guess that what I am trying to say is that I know that you miss your husband and want to save what little of your marriage you have left. But don't give into the temptation to have sex with him. He needs to recover spiritually, emotionally and physically. He is out of the house now but what is he doing now being away from you? Let his action speak for himself, look for spiritual changes, look for things you didn't notice before, and pray about it. Hang out with each other, start learning again about one another, go out on dates, but do not give in to the fleshly disires. This is a chance for both of you, if you want to save your marriage, to work on yourselves.
I will pray for both of you and your healing. And that may God work in your husband to be a man of God and the Husband and Father that your family needs.
Tired.
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