Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2011 17:34:29 GMT -7
I met my husband when I was 14. He was my first love, first real boyfriend, first everything. When we grew up we both went our own ways, married others. When our marriages didn't work out we came back together and fell in love all over again. We have had 2 children and each have another child from our previous relationships. So 4 children all together. We have had an extremely rocky marriage.
Within the first 3 months of our marriage we started fighting... ALOT! Then after a few months it came out that he was into porn... ALOT. So after getting some counseling for himself he ended up getting addicted to the drugs his therapist put him on. He was fired from his job he had at that time. So we get help... good help, our pastor and things start looking up... My husband found a new job and didn't realize anything was wrong. I was naive to believe we had finally made it through the ruff patches... Well, we started fighting again.. ALOT and his anger was out of control... So I just sat back and waited... Sure enough, it came out that my husband was having an affair with one of his employees. Turns out it was just an emotional affair, or so he says, I believe different. So we fight more, more counseling... and after living seperate for a few months finally decided to try and make it work. So when he moves back in within a month he decides he needs to be more honest with me. He sits in my living room telling me about the previous girl and how he would picture her while having sex with me and masturbate to pictures of her and had every intention of leaving me for this girl. Then goes on to tell me that she wasn't the only girl at that job... there was another one that he actually did mess around with a little... He's never given me details on that one. He also advised me that he had oral sex with a man during that period of time. So... again. I kick him out. After a few weeks of this we decide to see our pastor, again... and again, things took the same pattern as before. Things started looking really really good for us. Then the anger began and I found new Facebook accounts on his phone along with a new email address. I questioned him about it but he wouldn't be honest... so... I intended to leave... After talking with a few people that are very special to me, I decided to at least try one more time until I knew for sure what was going on with him. All along I should have listened to my gut. So 3 years of dealing with this cheating off and on I finally sat down and talked with him and he opened up... Told me he was addicted to porn... and was having a difficult time not looking at it. So we came up with the solution that I would help him in any way possible to beat this... we put a filter/monitor on our computer and his phone and had a gps on his phone so he would at all times know that he had someone observing him. He thanked me over and over but in my heart, I knew this wasn't all of the story. After talking with him on a consistent basis, he finally admitted that he went back to see the same man from before and had oral sex with him again. But even as angry as I was, I knew this still was not the end. Tonight, we talked for hours while he advised me that he went to see him on several occasions in his work truck, picked the guy up and took him back to his house and had oral sex with this guy. More than once! At least 3 times. Also admitted to having phone sex with this man. What is wrong with me? Why couldn't I see what was going on? I have wasted so much of my life on a man that doesn't want me! I kicked him out last night... Whats sad, I don't feel the way I did a year and a half ago when I first found out he was messing around with men. Then I felt as though my whole world was crashing in. But now I just feel betrayed and angry that I would be such an idiot to fall into his trap again. All of the lies... The part that I think makes me more angry than anything... I believe he's given me an STD. I've been having issues the last few months but was too scared to say anything to my husband for fear of finding out the truth. So now I need to go see my obgyn, the same person that delivered my children and tell him that the man that helped bring my children into this world has been unfaithful and now I need to see whats going on with me. I finally found the courage to contact a christian therapist to talk with. I love my pastor, but I don't know that I want him to see me in all of my mess. The last time we went through all of this, I was so depressed... I refuse to allow this idiot of a man to bring me to that level again. There is no way to organize my thoughts... I hate what I have allowed to continue in my life, and in my childrens lives.
Within the first 3 months of our marriage we started fighting... ALOT! Then after a few months it came out that he was into porn... ALOT. So after getting some counseling for himself he ended up getting addicted to the drugs his therapist put him on. He was fired from his job he had at that time. So we get help... good help, our pastor and things start looking up... My husband found a new job and didn't realize anything was wrong. I was naive to believe we had finally made it through the ruff patches... Well, we started fighting again.. ALOT and his anger was out of control... So I just sat back and waited... Sure enough, it came out that my husband was having an affair with one of his employees. Turns out it was just an emotional affair, or so he says, I believe different. So we fight more, more counseling... and after living seperate for a few months finally decided to try and make it work. So when he moves back in within a month he decides he needs to be more honest with me. He sits in my living room telling me about the previous girl and how he would picture her while having sex with me and masturbate to pictures of her and had every intention of leaving me for this girl. Then goes on to tell me that she wasn't the only girl at that job... there was another one that he actually did mess around with a little... He's never given me details on that one. He also advised me that he had oral sex with a man during that period of time. So... again. I kick him out. After a few weeks of this we decide to see our pastor, again... and again, things took the same pattern as before. Things started looking really really good for us. Then the anger began and I found new Facebook accounts on his phone along with a new email address. I questioned him about it but he wouldn't be honest... so... I intended to leave... After talking with a few people that are very special to me, I decided to at least try one more time until I knew for sure what was going on with him. All along I should have listened to my gut. So 3 years of dealing with this cheating off and on I finally sat down and talked with him and he opened up... Told me he was addicted to porn... and was having a difficult time not looking at it. So we came up with the solution that I would help him in any way possible to beat this... we put a filter/monitor on our computer and his phone and had a gps on his phone so he would at all times know that he had someone observing him. He thanked me over and over but in my heart, I knew this wasn't all of the story. After talking with him on a consistent basis, he finally admitted that he went back to see the same man from before and had oral sex with him again. But even as angry as I was, I knew this still was not the end. Tonight, we talked for hours while he advised me that he went to see him on several occasions in his work truck, picked the guy up and took him back to his house and had oral sex with this guy. More than once! At least 3 times. Also admitted to having phone sex with this man. What is wrong with me? Why couldn't I see what was going on? I have wasted so much of my life on a man that doesn't want me! I kicked him out last night... Whats sad, I don't feel the way I did a year and a half ago when I first found out he was messing around with men. Then I felt as though my whole world was crashing in. But now I just feel betrayed and angry that I would be such an idiot to fall into his trap again. All of the lies... The part that I think makes me more angry than anything... I believe he's given me an STD. I've been having issues the last few months but was too scared to say anything to my husband for fear of finding out the truth. So now I need to go see my obgyn, the same person that delivered my children and tell him that the man that helped bring my children into this world has been unfaithful and now I need to see whats going on with me. I finally found the courage to contact a christian therapist to talk with. I love my pastor, but I don't know that I want him to see me in all of my mess. The last time we went through all of this, I was so depressed... I refuse to allow this idiot of a man to bring me to that level again. There is no way to organize my thoughts... I hate what I have allowed to continue in my life, and in my childrens lives.