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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2011 15:38:22 GMT -7
I am 20 days sober today and while I'm thankful for that I know past success means nothing today,unless I find God I'll die in this disease. I don't want to spend my life living from one relapse to another,I want victory in Jesus like I sang about in church. I want freedom to live and this addiction is not living it's more like death. I'm and emotional reck at this moment. I keep thinking I'll never be back here again and here I am. I become consumed with fear and feel God Is not going to forgive me this time,I've somehow used up all the grace. I've been sick with sin my whole life,I'm so sick of it I wish I never had this addiction. Somewhere deep inside I feel a spark of faith,saying don't give up and just hang in there,The Fathers not done with you yet. I'm begging for all to be praying for me. Not only that I would feel the closeness of Jesus but I would remain sober for the rest of my life. I read the story of Mike and I thought,If you did it for him then please do it for me. I will keep coming back with further updates. Love you all and many blessings
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2011 22:19:36 GMT -7
BigD. Thanks for making your update page and for sharing your struggle. Well done for managing 20 days so far. You're no less deserving of God's grace than the least or the greatest of sinners here because whatever we do, we cannot earn God's grace through good works. Our best is not good enough but the good news is that because Jesus has paid for our sins, we can stand before God without the fear of rejection. When God looks at you or me, he doesn't see you or me, he sees Jesus because we are both covered by the blood of Jesus.
Of the sins, sexual sin is perhaps the most difficult to conquer because it is not outside of us but concerns our own bodies. We sin against ourselves when we sin sexually. See 1 Corinthians 6, v 18 which says the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Yet God can deal with this, if we allow him daily to work in our members to bring us to the perfection he desires. I'll pray you receive God's peace today and the assurance that he loves you and wants you to be free. I'll pray that you will one day be completely free of this. God is close, although you may not be aware of it so I'll pray you will become aware of his closeness to you.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2011 23:45:12 GMT -7
Hi BigD,
Infinite grace, by definition, cannot be used up. That is a lie of the Enemy to try to keep you in bondage.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2011 11:45:26 GMT -7
Thanks for your Reply. I am asking the lord to do for me what I can't do for myself. As a matter of fact I had a chance today to make amends to my Bishop over long standing resentments and fears and anger, judging etc...... I have been in a deep state of rebellion.
Thank you Lord for allowing me the opportunity to make some things right. I love this you for this. I'm tired of carrying these old heavy rocks around. I know it will take time for the stuff in my head to clear but Pray for me that it will. I become full of self hatred and feel so anti god when I relapse. I'm back to working the steps and working with my sponsor. I'm actually doing my first step again. I want to be a servent and not star. Walk humbly before the Lord and my fellow man. I pray this that God's will will be done in my life and not my will. Thanks for your kindness and love. Dan
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2011 15:24:38 GMT -7
Day 21, keep in prayer
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2011 5:03:41 GMT -7
BigD, thanks for sharing and will pray again today.
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