Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2011 11:43:16 GMT -7
It seems to me that things are getting worse in my world of marriage. Funny, I would
never had admitted that years ago, always a cover up or a smile when I wanted
to curl up and just go away...
I was thinking today about why it is that I am afraid to ask him if he is still
looking at the pictures, the movies, thinking the thoughts about all the women he
fantasizes about. I am afraid to ask. I am afraid to try and be like a normal
married couple who would hold each other accountable and be honest and caring.
Would I feel caring if he is still doing it all??? No. hahahha, but I cant even ask
so who cares.
He is grouchy most of the time, says he needs a new life. Hates our life. The same
things I have been telling you all about.
He hates where we live cuz it reminds him of his affair.
He is getting smaller and smaller in our world. Avoiding people except for church or his
job, not taking phone calls from his only friend. Isolating most evenings, supposedly
working and I know he does do that but who knows what else.
He answers questions in an exasperated way and it just makes for a difficult life.
He is now making more derogatory remarks about me that really just make me feel
bad. I am tired. I almost wish things were over but still have some hope that the Lord
is working somehow. I dont feel like I should have to change my whole life because he
just hates it. Should I? I am trying to grow in the Lord but am also finding an
increasing anger brewing in me for how he is, how he acts... He has increased his
antidepression meds, and who knows if that will help or even last that long as he hates
the side effects. I am feeling very discouraged. I dont think he really cares that much for me anymore
as he makes no efforts to be close or engage me or seek me out. I feel like I have wasted
my life on someone who has always had some kind of secret life going on.
never had admitted that years ago, always a cover up or a smile when I wanted
to curl up and just go away...
I was thinking today about why it is that I am afraid to ask him if he is still
looking at the pictures, the movies, thinking the thoughts about all the women he
fantasizes about. I am afraid to ask. I am afraid to try and be like a normal
married couple who would hold each other accountable and be honest and caring.
Would I feel caring if he is still doing it all??? No. hahahha, but I cant even ask
so who cares.
He is grouchy most of the time, says he needs a new life. Hates our life. The same
things I have been telling you all about.
He hates where we live cuz it reminds him of his affair.
He is getting smaller and smaller in our world. Avoiding people except for church or his
job, not taking phone calls from his only friend. Isolating most evenings, supposedly
working and I know he does do that but who knows what else.
He answers questions in an exasperated way and it just makes for a difficult life.
He is now making more derogatory remarks about me that really just make me feel
bad. I am tired. I almost wish things were over but still have some hope that the Lord
is working somehow. I dont feel like I should have to change my whole life because he
just hates it. Should I? I am trying to grow in the Lord but am also finding an
increasing anger brewing in me for how he is, how he acts... He has increased his
antidepression meds, and who knows if that will help or even last that long as he hates
the side effects. I am feeling very discouraged. I dont think he really cares that much for me anymore
as he makes no efforts to be close or engage me or seek me out. I feel like I have wasted
my life on someone who has always had some kind of secret life going on.