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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2011 10:34:53 GMT -7
Hello All,
I wanted to start by applauding everyone on this board. I know the humility and honesty that it takes to admit that help is needed.
I am a recovering addict.
I just would like to start a daily thread giving a brief summary of progress and hopefully open up about some of the issues that I have developed as a result of my addiction.
So I've been sober for over 100 days straight. I think this is Day 102. I guess to be honest, I have run out of a plan for significant milestones. I thought keeping up with this board might be a good idea.
So heres to all you fine folks and to the start of a healing process,
Free
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 8:52:47 GMT -7
Well done Free and thanks for the encouragement!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 10:12:17 GMT -7
Thanks guitarist63,
Today has been a bit of a struggle. Work is really stressful and my co-workers really upset me. It would be hilarious if one of my co-workers were anonymously on this board saying the same thing about me! lol I guess I'm just trying to identify my trigger emotions going into this weekend and really ask God for help.
I also have not seen my girlfriend all week so I just feel a sense of loneliness and in need of attention.
I was on the way to work thinking that sometimes I trigger myself in my thoughts just because I'm bored in the moment. I need to watch that.
Also tomorrow is a big test as I will be alone in my office from early morning to late afternoon. I have fallen in this situation before so I want to make sure that I have all the boundaries set.
Free
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 10:31:37 GMT -7
Yes, what kind of boundaries do you set Free? You don't have to answer me. Please answer for yourself only if you want that.
Greetings with Matthew 7, 15-20, Isaiah 55, 1-3 and
but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. Jos 24,15
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 14:48:01 GMT -7
Hi Free,
Perhaps a picture of your girlfriend, and/or things related to faith in your workspace? Or worship music playing?
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2011 1:44:56 GMT -7
Thanks man and truthseeker,
Those suggestions really helped me out a lot! I can't believe how powerful it was just to change my lame outer space screen at work to a picture of my girlfriend. Its definitely a constant reminder to make me think of her and how I care for her to much to act out on some lust filled fantasy. Its not worth it!
To be honest, waking up this morning I felt completely out of it. I felt no strength to fight this and I started thinking about how I would manage if I acted out and what recovery would look like. Its amazing how I already expected failure before it even happened. I really had to cry out to God and ask him for help. I prayed with a sense of desperation and really told him that if he did not help me then I would not be able to survive this crave session. When I got to work I felt the body shakes and cravings. Then I opened my email and saw that I had a message from you all. Your words instantly changed my thought direction and I acted on them immediately.
As far as boundaries I will set today, I will not browse without a purpose. I set my browser to block all images so that if I am at a site with risque advertisements then I won't see them. That has seemed to be really helpful in the past. I will also refrain from watching anything in the break room that could be triggering.
Once again, you all saved me today and I'm very grateful. Thank God for you all!
Cheers,
Free
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2011 3:14:40 GMT -7
Free, well done for steering clear of trouble. I find it is like walking a tight rope every day.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2011 3:26:09 GMT -7
Hi Free,
I have a lump in my throat. This is how this board is supposed to work!
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2011 8:33:35 GMT -7
Thanks a lot guys, once again I'm very grateful for your help.
The rest of the weekend was fairly smooth. Saturday was a tough day as far as managing my thoughts. Sunday wasn't bad at all. I think that I've been learning that I can't allow my mind to have a free for all. Its hard to explain but I think that after I have been sober for a certain amount of time then I start to feel a certain sense of entitlement to have lust filled thoughts here and there. Its such a distorted way of thinking but now that I've identified that problem then I'm going to keep working on it.
My girlfriend is a driving motivation to stay sober as well. Just seeing her smile gives me a reason to fight. I'm so grateful to God for her.
Anyway, hope all is well with you all on this Monday.
Cheers,
Free
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2011 14:42:28 GMT -7
Free,
Welcome to Blazing Grace! I have been able to glean a whole bunch of good stuff from this board! The folks here are just fantastic! I have been sober for 123 days again and can relate to that sense of entitlement that you spoke of. Back in May I felt that sense and allowed myself to dwell on it for a while. Next I struggled with temptation and then I broke my sobriety. What I learned from that experience was that: #1- I am entitled to nothing that I don't give God the glory for, #2- If I choose to struggle with temptation then I will lose every time! Now when I am tempted I almost immediately say to God, " Did you see that?" And as Christ himself did when tempted, quote scripture to the evil one and the temptation passes away. Hang in there and seek the Lord with the same fervor that we sought our addiction and recovery will continue. When mistakes happen, admit them and ask for forgiveness if possible and move forward! Remember It takes a faith the size of a mustard seed to accomplish anything with God!
God Bless You,
Cog 2
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2011 1:59:43 GMT -7
Thanks Cog 2,
Those points were very helpful. Your words were a good reminder to make sure that I am totally reliant on God to help me through temptations.
Another thing I wanted to point out is that media is such a trigger nowadays. I was watching Monday Night football last night and had to turn it at times because of the commercials that come on. Shouldn't we be able to enjoy programming without being bombarded with triggering content? Just a thought.
Have a great day,
Free
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2011 6:52:20 GMT -7
Checking in. This week has been great as far as my thought life.
Hope all is well with everyone.
God Bless You All,
Free
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2011 9:24:34 GMT -7
Free,
Good to hear that you're doing ok! I find it encouraging when I hear others talk of their successes and struggles. Most of them are the same as mine. You mentioned that watching television can be tricky at times. I have found that as well and, yes, there have been numerous times that I have had to turn away or plug my ears in order to avoid being what I call "slimed". That's when something that I wasn't looking for or expecting is flashed in my face. We should be able to enjoy a show without being slimed with triggering content but it begs the question, why is it triggering content? Could it be that I have programmed myself to view certain images in such a way that it is harmful to me? Or could it be that the media people know that sex sells and therefore will not remove that content because they make zillions of dollars from it? I'm thinking both are true and the only thing that I have control over is my choices so I try to make them wisely. Food for thought! Keep the faith!
Blessings,
Cog 2
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2011 8:31:46 GMT -7
Cog2, I ditched television in 2005 and now choose archived material through iplayer and similar as well as buying dvds to watch on computer. That way I can choose to watch material that is not going to take me by surprise.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2011 12:54:54 GMT -7
Guitarist,
Glad to see that you're here on the boards!
There are those times when I think that I would be better off without a TV but I can't get rid of it because there are others in our house that can enjoy it and are not adversely affected by it. I limit the amount of viewing that I do. I've learned over the last 2 yrs. what I cannot look at and I avoid that content like the plague! That said, I do support your position and I think that it is a good thing that you have done regarding the television. It goes along with, "if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off!" the same for TV, right? I know that I need to be decisive and brutal when it comes to recovering from my addiction! I would definitely put "ditching the television" in the decisive and brutal area!
May God Bless you,
Cog 2
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