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Sept 2, 2011 10:54:31 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 10:54:31 GMT -7
Hi all, I am new to this site. Hoping to meet some accountability partners. I am in recovery for sex addiction, I have been through a lot. God has taught me so much. For the past year God has been telling me to be single. I was too scared, and continued to run from him. I went through a lot of pain, because I didn't listen to him. I finally am ready to submit, and am not scared, like I was before. I am not going to listen to Satan's lies anymore. I have a huge testimoney, that one day God will use. But God won't be able to use it unless I submit, and stop listening to Satan's lies, and my fear. We can all beat these addictions. It is a daily fight, a battle in our minds. A yearning in our hearts. We yearn for love, affection, etc. Instead of going straight to the source, GOD. We settle for the quick fixes. I know this all to well. And I am sick of settling. NO MORE!!!.
Thank you. I pray you are all having a great day today.
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Sept 2, 2011 11:02:27 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 11:02:27 GMT -7
Welcome to the Blazing Grace forum, Tiffandrock! Thanks for sharing and hope you will find the posters here will be a help. I am also single and am pretty sure I will not get married. Circumstances do change, however, so I can only speak for the way I have been as a single person for nearly half a century. If I find employment and become independent from state help, then I can perhaps begin to look for a mate. Guitarist63
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Sept 2, 2011 11:04:04 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 11:04:04 GMT -7
lol that is amazing to me. The longest I have ever been single has been a month.
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Sept 2, 2011 11:07:36 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 11:07:36 GMT -7
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Sept 2, 2011 13:34:16 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 13:34:16 GMT -7
tiffandrock,
Welcome!
I completely agree with the idea that submission, surrender, is a critical and continuing piece of our recovery from sex addiction.
For me, that surrender has to include not only humble submission before a God I trust, but also humbly trusting other people. My problem, after all, isn't just a vertical problem with God. It's also a horizontal problem with my fellow human beings and in inner problem with myself. In all those three sets of relationships, I'm hiding and dwelling in shame and fear. For me to be made well, all those relationships have to be healed and made right. So I don't think I can limit my recovery to submission to God. I think I also have to work with other people - for instance, in support groups - and I think I have to learn how to see myself honestly and gently and to know my own feelings. For me, that needs the help of professionals trained to help people learn these new skills.
In your other thread, you talk about people in your church giving you advice, but advice that didn't help because you couldn't follow it. That doesn't surprise me. People who aren't addicts, who don't know what it's like, very often give advice that seems perfectly sensible, but that addicts can't apply. "Just say no." Gee, thanks. If I could do that, I wouldn't be an addict, would I?
Working with other recovering addicts can be a whole different experience. Suddenly we're among people who really understand our experience and who have themselves found a way not to continue to act out. There's a depth of wisdom there that all the well-meaning non-addicts in the world can't offer. It's not just accountability. It's all the tools for laying aside our fears and resentments and isolation and shame, and allowing a new life to be built.
So as you move forward, you might want to consider not just submitting to God, but also humbly addressing the other two legs of the tripod.
Just how it's working for me, of course.
Tim M.
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Sept 2, 2011 13:50:56 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 13:50:56 GMT -7
Lol I understood you until you said this part.
So as you move forward, you might want to consider not just submitting to God, but also humbly addressing the other two legs of the tripod.
What is a tripod???
I have been in support groups since I was a teenager. So I am so good at talking about my problems with random strangers. In that it is a big problem. Because I have had a lot of people in authority positions take advantage of me.
The church people had the advice of Stop everything Cold turkey. Prostitution, Sex, porn, masterbation, Dating, Don't even be around men. Well that was to hard to do all together. I had to wean myself off. First I had to get over the prostitution. I had a self hate image of myself. I thought I was just put on this earth to be a toy to men. I thought I was dumb, etc etc. I realized alot over these two years.
1. I am not stupid. I like to play stupid. I like to be a victim. Because men give me more attention, and I don't have to do the hard things. I didn't realize though the men I was seeking aren't nice men. They are abusive, just wanting to use me for an hour or so. And throw me away like trash.
2. I also had to realize why I was so desperately seeking these men, why was I so obsessed with it. Why would I have sex with them, when I really hated sex. I learned I am a sex addict not because of the actual act of sex. But what I can get out of it. Fake feelings of intimacy, attention, closeness, love. And also the attention. The power, I felt in control.
Now that I am trying to stop those bad behaviors and habits. It is very hard. I have this flirtatious, seductive attitude when I am out with a man, even a friend. None of them can handle it. So right now the only men I can actually be around is men I am not attracted to, that I find disgusting. Or I just don't be around any men right now.
Yes I have alot to work on. But thank God he delivered me from prostitution. He will continue to heal me and deliver me from my strong holds. AMEN>
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Sept 2, 2011 15:00:48 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 15:00:48 GMT -7
A thing with three legs. Like the stands photographers use to hold up cameras.
What I meant was that I think our addiction is supported by a wrong relationship with God, a wrong relationship with self, and wrong relationships with other people, and that to get out, we have to deal with all three of those aspects of our problem.
Just a thought, but the 12-step fellowships, especially SLAA, have meetings exclusively for women; and in those fellowships, nobody is in authority. That might be one place to find people who both get it and won't take advantage of you.
As always, just how it seems to me.
Tim M.
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Sept 2, 2011 15:55:12 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 15:55:12 GMT -7
I didn't see any local saa meetings. But there is celebrate recovery meetings. My therapist wants me in rehab. But there are no local rehabs for sex addiction. Only ones that deal with drugs and alchol. And I don't have money for the expensive ones. I am a single mom. Living with my parents now. My parents don't understand my addiction. And sometimes make it worse. In the past whenever I would get in fights with my dad, I would go out with guys. My therapist says I am desperately seeking approval from my dad, and I will never get it. Because my dad has huge problems, and is very disrespectful to women.
Sometimes it makes me mad. Everyone thinks im the craziest, worse, person. I have the most problems, etc. But in reality my whole family has problems too. They are just more functioning then me. I let fear whole me back for so long. And depended on men to save me. Finally trying to function and become independent on my own. And I can't do it fast enough to please my parents. But my dad is allowed to walk around yelling and degrading everyone, and gossiping. And I am the one that is messed up. Everyone says he's too old to fix. He's only 62.
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Sept 2, 2011 16:44:30 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2011 16:44:30 GMT -7
I hope 62 isn't too old to fix. I'm not much shy of that. In my meetings, a lot of people first walk through the door in their 50's and some older. Are you comfortable attending Celebrate Recovery meetings? As you're looking for local meetings, be aware that SAA isn't the only 12-step game in town. I'd look at all of saa-recovery.org/slaafws.org/sa.org/sca-recovery.org/My impression is that SLAA has more female members than the other fellowships. As you look for meetings, think also about phone and Skype and chat meetings, like those at slaaonline.org/internationalslaaonline.org/Those meetings include a lot of women. Obviously face-to-face is better if you can do it, but one does what one can. Tim M.
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Sept 3, 2011 2:49:08 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2011 2:49:08 GMT -7
Well if most of them are in thier fiftys. Im ahead. lol im only 27. I have been to the meetings. They are good. One time I went a lady swiped my cell phone. I was almost in tears, she and some other women were watching me on the floor, going through my purse, and she kept saying stuff like, Are you sure, you just had it in the bathroom. Then all of a sudden, she takes it out of her pocket, and says, oh here, it was in my pocket.
I was like??? I didn't ask her why. I was scared of confronting her. But after I found my cellphone. Everyone that was watching left. No one mentioned about the women taking my cell phone. I was very upset and felt very violated. I didn't go back to that group.
I will check those links out. Thank you.
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Sept 9, 2011 11:14:11 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 11:14:11 GMT -7
Dear Tiffandrock, I am the guy that people easily poke and laugh at, I sometimes feel, so for me it might be quite important to raise up, to regain territory maybe, so if someone had poked me that way you described with the cell-phone, I hope you don't mind if I talk a little bit about what I might had done.
I might be interested in self-respected. For me I would think about the motives. The motives might be love. How can I love myself? How can I do something good to myself without putting other people down? I might need some support? From a good friend? From someone I trust; Two or tree people. Then I maybe call them together or ask each one separately, tell them the case and try to go for a solution?
Please disregard this if it is not for you.
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Sept 9, 2011 11:26:57 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 11:26:57 GMT -7
It made me realize that you can't trust everyone. Everyone has thier own issues. I told the story to my counselor and she said it sounded like the lady was messing with me. I am just happy to have gotten my cell phone back. But it was a very upsetting experience. I had spent a while searching for that phone, digging in the bathroom trashcan, emptying my purse on the floor. And all along the lady was watching me, and she had my phone in her pocket the whole time.
I haven't heard anything about people poking fun of you. But if they do. Just try and ignore it. I used to get easily made fun of, and still do. But that is because I allowed them to. My point is, all of these people on here have some kind of issue. Some kind of insecurity. And if you don't you are lying. We are all human, we all have our issues. So no one should be making fun of anyone. Everyone was raised differently, had different obstacles in thier life. So they might act differently, or do things different. Be nice to everyone. Even if you don't like that person. You never know when your kindness can help someone.
BTW today is day 13 of no sex, no porn, no M. I even went on a date today. And still was good. Whoo hoo. Thank you Jesus.
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Sept 9, 2011 11:45:56 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 11:45:56 GMT -7
I haven't heard anything about people poking fun of you. Well, I just feel that in real life sometimes, so I might need to learn to protect myself
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Sept 9, 2011 12:31:10 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2011 12:31:10 GMT -7
[quote author="Man[/user] wrote: [/b] Well, I just feel that in real life sometimes, so I might need to learn to protect myself [/quote]
I can understand this. And yes you need to learn to protect yourself. Something called "Boundaries". I am starting that group at my church this next week. They will teach us about Boundaries.
I have learned from my past experiences, that I have very low boundaries. I tend to talk way to much about my life, to too many people, that are not trust worthy. I have had to learn to limit who I tell things to. Alot of people cannot handle things you tell them. And thier way of dealing with it, is to tell other people, or something. Becareful of the people you put yourself around.
Here is an example. Because of my sexual addiction. I come off as very seductive. Alot of men cannot handle that, or they judge me, or don't want any part of me. Or worst case they take advantage of me. Most of the time I am not trying to be seductive it has just been engrained in me, from the time I was sixteen to now. It is something I have to work on. Well right now I have three men I can trust. A best friend, that I am not attracted to. My ex boyfriend that cares for me, and wants to see me get better. And a recovering sex addict, This one I do not see in person.
Well my best friend, and my ex boyfriend, no me deep down. They know my struggles, they know what is good for me, and what is bad for me. They know not to take advantage of me. We can go out on a "friend" date. And nothing bad happen. They are teaching me how to respect myself on dates. How to not feel obligated to "put out" just because a dude spends money on me.
This works for me right now. It may sound crazy but it is helping me get through the days, and being successful with my recovery.
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Sept 10, 2011 0:49:24 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2011 0:49:24 GMT -7
I am the one that I think quite often end up as the one that everyone think is very funny, strange, special or they feel the need to fix me, I can feel. I guess it has something to do with what I send out? I might have some anxiety/ uncertainty/ ocd, and I might not dare to say what I mean or be clear.
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