Confessions from Thunder

Good for you!  Getting it out in the open breaks the hold of secrecy. 

Are you married?  Does your wife know?  If so, you have to confess to her to truly start the healing process.

Good luck!

Still keeping clean and free from the internet. I do struggle with accepting the degree to which I have a problem. I keep finding myself rationalizing or downgrading my problem or putting to a lesser degree. I want to accept that I do have a problem, but struggle with all emcomposing title of sex addict...confusing, but this is my struggle. I need to heal this wound(s) with my wife, but at times I feel like I am so far in the whole that there is no digging out of it....one day at a time I guess.

Dear Thunder,

Welcome to the insanity!   I, too, had issues with accepting the moniker-"SEX ADDICT" for a year and a half after my wife found porn on our computer.  I had tried every method known to addicts to minimize my wrong doing so that I would not look bad!  I then had to accept not only that I was addicted to sex but that I was an addict possessing all the attitudes that addicts have.  Rationalizing, minimizing, other centered contempt, defensiveness, resentment, blaming everything but myself...everything but the one thing that would lead to recovery!  When and only when I truly accepted that I not only was a sex addict but that I had an addicts mindset could I surrender my position as god and recovery began.  I now know that I am capable of the worst offenses known to man, and that without God in Heaven I will succumb to not only sex addiction but more than likely many other addictions as well.  You see, we all really do fall short of the glory of God.   We all need what He has to offer. His Son, His grace and mercy, His Life. I gets better when we finally accept what we are, confess our shortcomings, and get on with life.  Learn to cherish your wife, she deserves it!  Make sure you find a SA  or SAA group to attend, they are life saving!

Blessings,

Cog 2 

[quote author="Man[/user] wrote: [/b]
DW, I didn't really get what your ultimatum was? It might be interesting for me. Thanks!
[/quote]

"GO TO SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS OR GET OUT!"

My husband resisted going to a sexaholics meeting, meeting, resisted admitting to a group that he was a sex addict, resisted, resisted, resisted, resisted.

I finally had to tell him to go or get out.

Forcing your wife to deliver that kind of an ultimatum takes a huge toll on HER. It forces her to harden her heart toward you. That is NOT conducive to her healing or to healing the marriage. But if you are resisting and playing at recovery, you leave her no choice.

You have to approach this with humility. You have to acknowledge that you are a sex addict. AN ADDICT FIRST AND FOREMOST WHO NEEDS TREATMENT. You have to show her that you genuinely want to get well. You have to be brutally honest with her. You have to tell her everything so that she can, in effect, rip the band-aid off and let the healing begin.

If you continue in your addiction or continue to play your addict mind games (blaming her, minimizing, rationalizing, lying, telling half-truths, not being present in the moment, not attending your meetings or working the steps, etc) she cannot recover and YOU WILL NOT RECOVER.

I hope that helps.

Yes, I am trying to get to a therapist that is well known in the area of SA. I too am trying to just surrender to the label of an SA with out trying to sugar coat it in any way. It's hard to accept the label as it sounds so low or dirty. It's good to hear the confessions and stories of others and it aids in the progression toward being free of the filth.