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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2011 3:54:53 GMT -7
I've previously remarked that sex addicts, through their behavior toward their wives, destroy that which they covet. They want sex, but everything they do destroys their wives desire. That's the first irony.
The second irony that I've come to realize is that wives of sex addicts desperately crave intimacy, genuine intimacy with their husbands, but because of their husbands illness, they never get their genuine needs met. As a result, wives grow resentful and ultimately, shut themselves off, wall themselves off from any potential for genuine intimacy with any man. That's really sick.
This is something I have to work with my group on........
Thoughts welcome.......
Best, DW
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Ironies
Mar 31, 2012 18:59:18 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2012 18:59:18 GMT -7
Hi DW
Yes very ironic and sad. I myself have just recently softened my vulnerable heart to.the hope of true intimacy with a new relationship.
I havent found anyone yet and I havent filed for divotce YET, but I will very.soon. The end is nigh.........
And I have to keep my faith that there is a loving loyal man for me out there .
Hugs,
N2bfree
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2012 3:53:30 GMT -7
I also have sat and thought many times of the utter irony of it all. I see the ironies you mention clearly and more baffling ones.
My H was eventually into the "Risky & Wrong". The irony of it all is since getting sober for several months, these are the very things that have proven to be the ones that he can't forgive himself for and the ones that he is working with therapy to try to figure out why he went for that. As a clean person he has returned to remembering his lifes dream was a loving, classy wife, a home and happy children but when he started aquiring those things he suddenly felt he needed empty worthless and risky things in his life to feel like a man or grown up. You are right, the self destruct makes them destroy their very dreams. Thinking wives are walling off because of illness doesn't seem right though. They may or may not do that. But I think most only do that after they see that they in fact cannot get the needed intimacy from the addict. The addict would rather die than give that true intimacy that even they want and need. I think those walls are protection to wait out the storm. Eventually those same wives can no longer take the walls of loneliness and have a need to move on one way or another. Yes a few never trust any man again. For them it was either especially bad or the just decided the risk could no longer out weigh the benefits. But time changes many things on many levels.
Sex addiction is simply an irony on its own. Sex addiction they say is never about sex for one. Also, many claim the sex for them makes them feel like a "real man", or creates an escape. When in fact any fool can see that it is not a mark of a real man to get around, matter of fact it makes them rather undesirable to any decent woman. As for escape... The addict has compartmentalized every thing down to the point of nothing being related to actions or consequences. Otherwise they would see it would not help them escape "life" but rather confuse it, create drama and chaos and make life HARDER in truth. There isn't much about SA that doesn't carry irony. The cycle itself is ironic.... The addic.t doesn't want to feel bad therefore they go act out in a way that will cause them and loved ones great grief resulting in those same bad feelings. But again that over compartmentalizing lets them believe their own lie that it wasn't the acting out that made them feel bad. Total closed minded irony..
Best wishes. ( I wish there were a group in my area but there are none close.)
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2012 4:21:47 GMT -7
Congratulations, MayB!
You are farther along in the process than I am. I find that I look at every man with contempt and disgust. I find it hard to believe that any decent man exists. In my business, I have to deal with men daily. I find it increasingly difficult to put a good face on it. I just really want to spit on every last one of them.
My best to you, DW
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Ironies
Apr 22, 2012 10:01:08 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2012 10:01:08 GMT -7
I am really not sure where I am in the process. However, I work for DTV (indirectly) in my area. I am the only female in this business that is not answering phones or filling out orders. The men are perverted, in every managers meeting I attend they constantly point out that they cannot "Speak freely" due to the intrusion of a female. I have now been there for several years so if they are not used to it now they NEVER will be. lol.
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