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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2011 13:49:50 GMT -7
Dear TS'
Of course you are right, but I still feel the way I do. I could say that I don't but He knows the truth. Maybe it is easier for me to blame Him than to blame myself, I don't know.
Lesorita
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2011 17:34:47 GMT -7
Hi Lesorita,
The only one to blame for your husband's choices is your husband, not you, and not God.
Yes, we can learn from the past. If you feel that you made mistakes with boundaries, ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, (probably the hardest thing,) and live in the present with the wisdom gained. I believe that the serenity prayer is one of the most important, wisest prayers ever written down.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2011 4:02:38 GMT -7
TS,
Excellent advice:P
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2011 5:07:33 GMT -7
Dear Lesorita,
When you said: "I look at my life and wonder if I was ever actively in it!!!" it brought to mind the point in my life when I realized that I was nothing more than woodwork in my own life. It was probably 10+ years ago when that realization hit me, but I didn't know about the porn. I started living my life differently at that point........stopped "living my life around his and the children." It's a shame to come to that realization late in life, but it gives you the ability to actively live your life going forward.
I went to graduate school in midlife, graduating with a masters degree and a law degree at the age of 43. If there is something you want to do before you leave this earth........
DO IT!
My best, DW
Edited to add: When you say you've "Nailed myself into my coffin" that gives me pause. Until you take your last breath, there is hope and room for positive change in the only person you can control: YOU. I still struggle with not living my life around his, but I'm getting much better at it. Friends invited me out to dinner last Friday......and guess what? I WENT!!!!!!! I HAD A GREAT TIME!!! I HAD ADULT CONVERSATION FOR A CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our worlds tend to become very small. We have to expand them to incude others....others who share common interests or who are good conversationalists......or who can teach us something........it's not over til it's over. Expand your world. You'll be glad you did.
And another thing I'm working on is forgiving myself. That's a hard thing to do....but I realize the person I let down the most throughout this mess is...........ME! I'm working on it........not there yet......but that is something you might like to start thinking about too. We were duped by some of the most adept con artists in the world. I have to stop beating myself up about that.
My best, DW
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2011 5:53:40 GMT -7
Dear DW,
Thank you so much for the advice and words of encouragement. I have been given much to think about and act on. I promise you I will do that!!!!!!!!!
Lesorita
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