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Lying
Jul 9, 2011 4:45:43 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2011 4:45:43 GMT -7
A question for the ladies: When, in your experience, does the lying end? Ever? Is there ever a point where the addict can be brutally honest with himself and others?
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Lying
Jul 10, 2011 14:56:17 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2011 14:56:17 GMT -7
Hi DW,
I hope you get some more feedback on this. Lying was not a significant part of what we went through, so I'm afraid I can't be of any help.
TruthSeeker
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Lying
Jul 10, 2011 21:59:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2011 21:59:39 GMT -7
DW,
As you know, I'm very new to all of this.
But in my early experience, no, the lying never ends!
What is your experience of this?
LadyP
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Lying
Jul 11, 2011 1:51:56 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 1:51:56 GMT -7
Dear All,
In my experience, the lying, or the failure to be 100% honest, has not stopped.
My best, DW
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Lying
Jul 11, 2011 7:54:26 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 7:54:26 GMT -7
Ditto!
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Lying
Jul 11, 2011 16:32:24 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 16:32:24 GMT -7
Some of them can learn to be brutally honest with themselves and you. I have seen it. But you can't force it if they don't want it. If they really want it, it will be very hard work. They learned to lie at a very young age because they had to for survival, for some reason. The lying is harder to break than the sexual acting out. And there will be slips. My husband has had "lying slips" even though he hasn't had what I would call a slip in recovery (There were two incidents that neither of us is really sure whether it counts as a slip or not involving flirting with a woman briefly and another time purposely watching a sex scene without nudity in an R rated movie). Both times he had strayed from his prayer life and regular meetings and got back on track right away. But both times he waited about a week to tell me. That upset me more than the behavior itself. But in three years he has not looked at porn or been sexual with anyone else. For me, considering his acting out behavior when in his addiction, that's sobriety. Anyhow, some can overcome lying, but it takes time and is terrifying beyond our ability to comprehend, for them. Polygraphs help A LOT. In fact I think they are the only way for him to be motivated enough to be totally honest in the beginning and for us to know for sure. Yes, there is some controversy over efficacy, but they have brought me much peace of mind! Three years of sobriety. Recovery activities in the first year MUST be rigorous and while I don't see any harm in a little nudging from us occasionally and also issuing an ultimadem that can be stuck to (such as we must do an intensive with a polygraph if you want to stay married), most of it must come from him.
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Lying
Jul 11, 2011 16:35:04 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 16:35:04 GMT -7
If you don't mind me asking truthseeker, how was lying not a significant part for you? Addiction and lying go hand in hand. At least that is what I have always been taught and seen.
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Lying
Jul 12, 2011 7:57:34 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2011 7:57:34 GMT -7
I hate that we are all going through this and how painful, exhausting this is on all of us at different stages. May God heal our hearts and give us strenght and courage to accept and do HIS will always.
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Lying
Jul 22, 2011 4:18:10 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2011 4:18:10 GMT -7
I keep thinking of a scripture passage.
2 Thess 2:9-12 9 The coming of the lawless one is according to the working of Satan, with all power, signs, and lying wonders, 10 and with all unrighteous deception among those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth, that they might be saved. 11 And for this reason God will send them strong delusion , that they should believe the lie, 12 that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness. NKJV
While this verse is talking more about salvation, and those who aren't, there is a strong principle that jumps out at me from this passage. One must love the truth, or he/she will be deluded. We have a deciever who is just waiting to tell lies, and anyone who wants their itching ears scratched, will get them scratched with the master deceiver.
We must pray, that those under delusions, will be lovers of truth, that they,(we even) will come to the full knowledge of the truth.
You know, it's interesting that Jesus didn't say that it was His grace that sets us free, but rather , it's the truth that sets us free. We must be lovers of truth!
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Lying
Aug 20, 2011 11:37:19 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2011 11:37:19 GMT -7
Well as we know Satan is the father of all lies, so that shows us how damaging lying is. It is very sinful snd destructive. And yes i agree it goes hand in hand with all addictions. They are lying to themselves first and foremost.
And i agree they lie out of fear which is another one of Satans tactics, fear. Opposite of fear is faith.
His lying enrages me, so now when he lies i just walk away and let him know i wont deal with a lier.
It is horrible
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